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Sister cut me out of her life over baby shower

(63 Posts)
Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 12:37:41

So me and my sister haven't had the best relationship over the past 26 years, however after the end of a relationship with my ex.....she somewhat rescued me....the last month or so we've been getting on absolutely amazingly, making plans together the lot!

However, she messaged today because she wanted to see who was arranging my baby shower then which I replied to say she could if she wanted too...she was genuinely excited...then I mentioned not doing it due to my sister in law being there too and they don't get on.

However trying to make sure things didn't kick off, they did!

She's gone mad, told me how she no longer wants to be a part of my life or any of our families lives, solely because ive chosen my sister in law over her??!! I didn't, I just said I'd prefer not to have one simply so there weren't issues and she's gone mad.

Being rejected by my ex hit me hard.....being rejected by my sister too is all the more harder. sad

Heirhelp Thu 12-Jan-17 12:40:33

You told your sister who has helped you lots with the problems with your ex that she could organise your baby shower and then you rejected her in favour of your ex's sister? I am not surprised that she is unhappy.

Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 13:05:35

No I didn't reject her.
I told her it was best not to go ahead with it at all....I.e NOT have one because I wouldn't choose between sister and sister in law given the fact I got on with both absolutely fine and my sister has only just come back into my life.

I didn't reject her

NotLadyPrickshit Thu 12-Jan-17 13:07:35

Is it that they don't get on?

Could they not be civil for a few hours?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Thu 12-Jan-17 13:27:02

I see her point.

You offered to do her baby shower, let her get excited about someone doing something nice for her and then immediately burst her bubble and said maybe you won't do it because of someone else?

Pretty mean.

Therealloislane Thu 12-Jan-17 13:33:07

Kingjoffrey you've misunderstood the post.

ThoraGruntwhistle Thu 12-Jan-17 13:35:22

If it hadn't been arranged yet, why couldn't you just not invite your ex's sister? Why would any relative in an ex need to be there?

debbs77 Thu 12-Jan-17 13:35:45

Then don't invite your SIL surely?

JustSpeakSense Thu 12-Jan-17 13:36:31

Why would you invite SIL anyway?

Especially considering she doesn't get on with your sister

sooperdooper Thu 12-Jan-17 13:37:47

I can see her point, she was excited about organising your baby shower then you change your mind and say she can't do it - you should've thought it through and just said you'd rather not have one

I'm not surprised she's upset, her reaction is extreme but if you've had a diffucult relationship in the past sounds like this has just tipped her over the edge

laurzj82 Thu 12-Jan-17 13:41:02

Why would you even want ex SIL there?

Thinkingblonde Thu 12-Jan-17 13:41:45

I would have let her go ahead and organise it for you, both women are adults and you don't want to exclude either of them, so one would reasonably hope they would behave like adults and be civilised to each other for a few hours.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 12-Jan-17 13:42:09

Maybe you need to start looking at the bigger picture.
They will both be baby's auntie.
They need to grow up and accept they are part of the same family or you will be juggling visits /cousins together and bloody allsorts!!

Bluntness100 Thu 12-Jan-17 13:45:31

I'm a bit confused too. Why are you not now having a baby shower because of your exs sister, she doesn't have to come. He's your ex. He may need to be in uour child's life, she may also if uou wish, but she doesn't need to be st your baby shower, that's about you.

missyB1 Thu 12-Jan-17 13:46:37

Apologise to your sister and tell her you made a mistake, remind her how important she has been to you and that you didn't mean to upset her.

SparklyMagpie Thu 12-Jan-17 13:49:05

I'm not understanding why you told her she could do one and then tell her you'd rather not have one?

Why couldn't you just say in the first place you didn't want one?

If they both couldn't be civil for a couple of hours then that's really sad

But I feel abit for your sister after you let her get excited hmm

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Jan-17 13:49:17

That does sound a bit like you pulled the rug from under her. Would your SIL have really kicked off to know she was organising it? Your family sound very difficult to get on with.

Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 13:54:43

So my sister, out of the blue one day rang my brother and told him that she didn't like his wife....& that she wasn't welcome at any family and sister in law have 2 kids together.

On the same day, when with my ex wife (I'm a woman), she text me to tell me the same, that she didn't like my wife and again we weren't invited to any family functions.

Then today she asked if she could plan MY baby shower, I said yes but then reminded that my sister in law would obviously be invited (my mum reminded me), I then said it would be easier to simply not do it because of animosity.

The reason I want my SIL there is because we are friends, we get on, we go out for drinks now and again & she is my niece and nephews mother. She will also jointly be an auntie to my son aswell as my sister will.

My SIL has helped out hugely, she's giving me a cot, baby clothes everything. How is it fair that I say "sorry SIL, can't invite you because DS doesn't want you there".

Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 13:55:47

I've just realised I put "my sister in law" in original post and not "our SIL"

Apologies for confusing you all!

AmeliaJack Thu 12-Jan-17 14:00:36

Your sister is having a tantrum - she'll get over it.

toptoe Thu 12-Jan-17 14:05:57

Sounds like whatever you do your sis is likely to kick off. Last time it was your spouses, this time it's your baby shower.

diddl Thu 12-Jan-17 14:07:13

It all sounds very difficult.

Presumably if your sister had gone ahead & organised, she just wouldn't have invited your SIL?

Tbh though if my sister told me that she didn't like my husband & he wasn't welcome at stuff that she organised, then I would consider that she had cut herself out of my life.

Not sure why that would change if we split up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 12-Jan-17 14:08:16

Your sister sounds very high maintenance! And determined to be offended.
Since she's the one going around telling people she doesn't want them in her life unless it suits her, I'd just let this go, tbh.

No doubt she'll be back when/if she wants to - until then, let her get on with it and stick with the grown-ups in your life.

countrybump Thu 12-Jan-17 14:12:35

So you're now not having a baby shower at all, so as to avoid your DS and SIL having to both attend, and your DS is upset about it?

Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 14:13:45

My sister is difficult to get on with, it's either her way or no way.

This is the messages that were sent.

Mate, let's leave the baby you & SIL won't be in the same room as each other & if SIL isn't & mum will have to deal with the wrath of BROTHER &! I'd feel guilty considering SIL has helped out with stuff, i.E cot & things x

Fine Quark, have it with SIL. I don't care. Can't be fucked with all this family bullshit anyway. Seems like the more of a cunt you are the more you are thought of in our family so from now on im going to be a right cunt.

*Mate, no need to kick off.
I can't hate everyone you hate too mate. Same as I wouldn't expect you to hate the people I don't like.
It's to do with the fact that everyone is helping out & I can't not invite them for anyone else's benefit.
This isn't about anyone or me, this is about BABY QUARK....I don't choose who is in his life.....I'd rather not have one to be fair.
Even though, if this was the other way around? I'd attend regardless of who I didn't like was there*.

I am not in DB childrens life and I wont be in yours and that suits me absolutely fine. Im not getting involved with anyone anymore

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