Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How would you feel?

(22 Posts)
InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:05:04

How would you feel if you're partner of 7.5 years who you're engaged too and have four children with told you that if you'd left "he'd just get over it"

Am I wrong to feel hurt by that ? He makes it sound like we've only been together a couple of months.

Bluntness100 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:06:13

What prompted him to say it, did you ask or did he randomly just bring up the subject?

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:08:57

I asked. We were having a discussion because I'm not happy at the moment. I feel lonely and taken for granted I appear to be acting as a single mum and he works and plays his xbox, I don't seem important to him anymore, he's good with the children but I seem to be just here to do things for him so I was telling him unhappy I was and wanted things to change as we used to be really happy together and I want to fix it rather than just give up.

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:09:47

And I said "what would happen if I stay unhappy and choose to leave?" And he replied with "I'd get over it"

hellsbellsmelons Thu 12-Jan-17 14:15:14

Is he going to address anything of the things you are unhappy about?

pocketsaviour Thu 12-Jan-17 14:25:36

I think the unspoken undercurrent there is "...so stop nagging me to grow up and be a parent, I don't want to and would rather you left."

RatherBeRiding Thu 12-Jan-17 14:28:29

I think I'd feel that my fears are correct - you are taken for granted and no longer important to him.

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 14:32:35

Apparently he already has been as we had a similar conversation last week. Since that he's made his own lunch for work. That's it, I've still done everything and as soon as he's home he sits down, plays his phone or Xbox and that continues until he goes to bed, I get a hello and that's about it. So I'm obviously living in a parallel world where him making his own lunch means he now appreciates me...

TheNaze73 Thu 12-Jan-17 14:43:59

I'd think he was being honest

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 15:07:13

I think he was too. It was just unexpected and it hurt.

FrutiFlutey Thu 12-Jan-17 15:22:46

Seems like he can't be bothered to change and won't. He's telling oh that straight. Now it's up to you how you choose to react to the informations

PollytheDolly Thu 12-Jan-17 15:24:51

Best up the stakes OP. He needs to get off his Xbox and pull his bollocks out of his arse if he wants to keep you.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 12-Jan-17 15:35:00

How old are the DC?
Can you turn off the internet at a certain point in the evening?
Would he still be able to play his X-box?
Sorry, I've no idea about these things.
But with 4 kids this isn't going to be easy.

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 15:47:11

6,4,2,9 months. And I could, but all hell would break loose if I turned the internet off in the evening and he'd still be able to play certain games. He had a week off over Christmas and he spent about two hours a day with the kids the rest was on Xbox and I did everything else by myself. Besides Christmas Day. We've had the same convo twice and nothing changes I'm tired of being unhappy and feeling taken for granted.

InfoFreako Thu 12-Jan-17 16:19:31

Has your partner just recently started to behave like this or has it being going on before you had DCs?

What did you want him to say?

I would advise not to have any more DCs!!

Cheers.

InTheMiddle92 Thu 12-Jan-17 16:22:24

We had our first very early into the relationship we've been together 7.5 years. She's 6.5 and no it's been ongoing gradually getting worse over the years. I just ignored it and got on as I wanted to keep everyone happy and I was ignorant and thought everything was alright! And this was a good relationship it's only recently I've realised that's it making me so unhappy. I'm not sure really it just seemed like there was no thought or care there as we'd been together a couple of months, I suppose I expected a more of a "please don't leave I'll change" response, a bit of fight. Not sure who I was kidding!!

InfoFreako Thu 12-Jan-17 16:27:52

It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a serious discussion with each other - preferably with no DCs to interrupt. I would tell DP how you feel and how you feel you're taken granted.

I guess it depends on how much you both want the relationship to work.

You've 4 DCs and he's your fiance, so it sounds like he'd be in no rush to get married (as nothing in it for him).

I hope things work out for you.

Cheers.

FatOldBag Thu 12-Jan-17 16:29:55

I'd feel fucked off and tell him to get out and start getting over it then. He sounds like a waste of space. flowers

CatBallou2 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:06:03

It does seem like he spends a good amount of time doing his own thing. I'd be hurt by his comment, and would question his commitment. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with a DP who gives the impression that he wants to be in his own. Sounds like he's just telling you the truth, when he says he'll get over it if you leave. That's just the way some people are, they move on very quickly.

gchasbeeninmyhouse Thu 12-Jan-17 17:11:57

It doesn't sound like you really spend any time together anyway. Do you ever have fun? Does he like spending time in your company? I couldn't bear it to live with someone like that as to me that is not a relationship. If he doesn't do anything then there won't be much of a difference to you if you do leave it seems.

Reality16 Thu 12-Jan-17 17:12:23

Mine would likely say the same. It doesn't mean he wouldn't be devastated, he just doesn't do 'what ifs' and wouldn't waste his energy tryaing to pacify my imagination.

Underthemoonlight Thu 12-Jan-17 17:17:51

Op you recently posted before about dp behaviour in regards to meeting or texting women it sounds like he's checked out of the relationship. I wouldn't be allowed the Xbox until all kids were in bed and settled down for the night

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now