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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH complaining about condom use.

317 replies

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 09:46

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

OP posts:

Report

TheNaze73 · 12/01/2017 09:48

YANBU at all.

Condom's aren't nice, I get that however if it's a deal clincher for him, he needs to have the snip

Huskylover1 · 12/01/2017 09:50

Definitely ask him about whether he would get the snip. My DH had it, and it's very liberating to not have to think about birth control. I found that any hormonal treatments made me gain weight : something I'm not prepared to do. The snip is quick and recovery was quick too.

Zippidydoodah · 12/01/2017 09:51

Yanbu. Are your dds his?

I won't take anything hormonal, and my dp knows this and he knows that if he wants to stop using condoms, he has to get the snip and that's that. (Still waiting......)

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 09:51

Condom's aren't nice, I get that however if it's a deal clincher for him, he needs to have the snip

Apart from other threads like this when it is the male that wants no more DC it is deemed as the man's responsibility to sort contraception.

As this is the OP that wants no more DC then there are methods that she should explore.

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 09:52

Thank-you, husky lover, yes we have spoken about it. He did go and see the doc too. Think he's just worried as hea read some scary stories about being in constant pain for years after.

OP posts:

Wellitwouldbenice · 12/01/2017 09:54

Yes, sounds like his problem and there is a solution he can choose - the snip. I can't have anything with hormones either as I hate the side effects. For done reason, suggesting to your DH they have the snip is not popular on here, and everyone will cone sling and swear by their cool. No thanks... My DH had the snip, no problems at all. It's great

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 09:54

I've explored the hormonal contraception Piglet, they just don't agree with me. I get constant spotting and low libido. So they sure stop pregnancy as I never want sex. There aren't many non hormonal alternatives. I'm happy for condom use to remain as I'd rather that than have a coil.

OP posts:

Zippidydoodah · 12/01/2017 09:55

Piglet- damn right it's his responsibility!! I had three children with him. I can't take hormonal contraception for various reasons. Neither of us like the idea of the copper coil. So there you go.

Wellitwouldbenice · 12/01/2017 09:57

Coil not cool.

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 09:57

Zippidydoodah yes they're both his children. He just worries as well incase I changed my mind about wanting more.. I've told him I've given it alot of serious thought and I'm definitely happyand content with what we have.

OP posts:

ispymincepie · 12/01/2017 09:57

I certainly wouldn't want to rely on withdrawal but I wouldn't insist on the snip either. It does indeed carry significant risks. Personally I use a copper coil in conjunction with a diaphragm as I won't use hormonal contraceptives either.

mysinkingheart · 12/01/2017 09:57

You've maybe looked into this already but I use a copper coil, no hormones can't bear them...works well for both partners and doesn't destroyer your naturally cycle.

mysinkingheart · 12/01/2017 09:58

destroy your natural auto correct too fast for me!

BarbarianMum · 12/01/2017 09:59

Would you consider the cap or diaphgram? We looked at dh having the snip but at 1 in 10 the risk of side effects seemed too great. In the end we continued with condoms but I'd have used a diaphram if he wasn't happy with that. I've never got on with hormonal contraceotion either.

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 10:01

Not really looked into a diaphragm but from what I've read it still sounds like a faff, having to pre empt and arrange sex so you can put it in. I'd go and be sterilized myself if it was as simple as the snip is.

OP posts:

SarcasmMode · 12/01/2017 10:01

How about you get the copper coil? It's none hormonal.

Aren't there condoms you can use that are tighter/more sensation giving?

I don't think either of you are U to be honest.

Kr1stina · 12/01/2017 10:01

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects .

BigBadWolves · 12/01/2017 10:02

Is there a reason you wouldn't consider having the old tubes knotted? Highly effective and no need for DH to have his private fiddled with when he's so objectionable to it?

Kr1stina · 12/01/2017 10:03

Sorry I mean I don't understand why people are suggesting methods to her so her DH doesn't have the inconvenience of using a condom.

In case you have missed it, she's give birth to two of his children. I think she's had more than her share of inconvenience and side effects so far.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 10:04

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects

OP is the one that doesn't want any more DC.

The snip can and does have side effects for some men.

Kr1stina · 12/01/2017 10:05

Or why others are suggesting she have a bigger operation when he could have a tiny one ?

Of , you know, just wear condoms .

ispymincepie · 12/01/2017 10:05

Oh sorry, cross post, you don't want a coil. For what it's worth mine is great.

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Kr1stina · 12/01/2017 10:07

Yes I know the snip can have side effects for men.

Pregnancy and childbirth also had side effects . She's done her share

ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/01/2017 10:09

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects .

^^This. Especially when she's happy with condoms.

Or perhaps a compromise? Diaphragm when less spontaneous, condoms in the moment?

would love spontaneous sex but would have to even plan the moment of spontaneity

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 10:12

Sorry I mean I don't understand why people are suggesting methods to her so her DH doesn't have the inconvenience of using a condom.

Life these days isn't that simple.

Mr DBro for eg had the snip whilst with his ex wife. She didn't want any more DC he did. He had it because he loved her. He had complications.

She went on and had an affairs. Marriage broke down.

ExW has gone and had more DC with other different men. My DBro is unable to have any with his DW.

Life isn't black and white and I do believe that it is the responsibility of those that no longer want DC to use contraception as it is them that wants to avoid it, whether that be the male or female.

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