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DH complaining about condom use.

(318 Posts)
user1483804139 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:46:22

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

TheNaze73 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:48:36

YANBU at all.

Condom's aren't nice, I get that however if it's a deal clincher for him, he needs to have the snip

Huskylover1 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:50:41

Definitely ask him about whether he would get the snip. My DH had it, and it's very liberating to not have to think about birth control. I found that any hormonal treatments made me gain weight : something I'm not prepared to do. The snip is quick and recovery was quick too.

Zippidydoodah Thu 12-Jan-17 09:51:31

Yanbu. Are your dds his?

I won't take anything hormonal, and my dp knows this and he knows that if he wants to stop using condoms, he has to get the snip and that's that. (Still waiting......hmm)

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Jan-17 09:51:52

Condom's aren't nice, I get that however if it's a deal clincher for him, he needs to have the snip

Apart from other threads like this when it is the male that wants no more DC it is deemed as the man's responsibility to sort contraception.

As this is the OP that wants no more DC then there are methods that she should explore.

user1483804139 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:52:56

Thank-you, husky lover, yes we have spoken about it. He did go and see the doc too. Think he's just worried as hea read some scary stories about being in constant pain for years after.

Wellitwouldbenice Thu 12-Jan-17 09:54:54

Yes, sounds like his problem and there is a solution he can choose - the snip. I can't have anything with hormones either as I hate the side effects. For done reason, suggesting to your DH they have the snip is not popular on here, and everyone will cone sling and swear by their cool. No thanks... My DH had the snip, no problems at all. It's great smile

user1483804139 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:54:57

I've explored the hormonal contraception Piglet, they just don't agree with me. I get constant spotting and low libido. So they sure stop pregnancy as I never want sex. There aren't many non hormonal alternatives. I'm happy for condom use to remain as I'd rather that than have a coil.

Zippidydoodah Thu 12-Jan-17 09:55:32

Piglet- damn right it's his responsibility!! I had three children with him. I can't take hormonal contraception for various reasons. Neither of us like the idea of the copper coil. So there you go.

Wellitwouldbenice Thu 12-Jan-17 09:57:13

Coil not cool.

user1483804139 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:57:26

Zippidydoodah yes they're both his children. He just worries as well incase I changed my mind about wanting more.. I've told him I've given it alot of serious thought and I'm definitely happyand content with what we have.

ispymincepie Thu 12-Jan-17 09:57:35

I certainly wouldn't want to rely on withdrawal but I wouldn't insist on the snip either. It does indeed carry significant risks. Personally I use a copper coil in conjunction with a diaphragm as I won't use hormonal contraceptives either.

mysinkingheart Thu 12-Jan-17 09:57:39

You've maybe looked into this already but I use a copper coil, no hormones can't bear well for both partners and doesn't destroyer your naturally cycle.

mysinkingheart Thu 12-Jan-17 09:58:26

destroy your natural auto correct too fast for me!

BarbarianMum Thu 12-Jan-17 09:59:01

Would you consider the cap or diaphgram? We looked at dh having the snip but at 1 in 10 the risk of side effects seemed too great. In the end we continued with condoms but I'd have used a diaphram if he wasn't happy with that. I've never got on with hormonal contraceotion either.

user1483804139 Thu 12-Jan-17 10:01:09

Not really looked into a diaphragm but from what I've read it still sounds like a faff, having to pre empt and arrange sex so you can put it in. I'd go and be sterilized myself if it was as simple as the snip is.

SarcasmMode Thu 12-Jan-17 10:01:13

How about you get the copper coil? It's none hormonal.

Aren't there condoms you can use that are tighter/more sensation giving?

I don't think either of you are U to be honest.

Kr1stina Thu 12-Jan-17 10:01:35

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects .

BigBadWolves Thu 12-Jan-17 10:02:14

Is there a reason you wouldn't consider having the old tubes knotted? Highly effective and no need for DH to have his private fiddled with when he's so objectionable to it?

Kr1stina Thu 12-Jan-17 10:03:51

Sorry I mean I don't understand why people are suggesting methods to her so her DH doesn't have the inconvenience of using a condom.

In case you have missed it, she's give birth to two of his children. I think she's had more than her share of inconvenience and side effects so far.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Jan-17 10:04:48

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects

OP is the one that doesn't want any more DC.

The snip can and does have side effects for some men.

Kr1stina Thu 12-Jan-17 10:05:22

Or why others are suggesting she have a bigger operation when he could have a tiny one ?

Of , you know, just wear condoms .


ispymincepie Thu 12-Jan-17 10:05:22

Oh sorry, cross post, you don't want a coil. For what it's worth mine is great.

Kr1stina Thu 12-Jan-17 10:07:05

Yes I know the snip can have side effects for men.

Pregnancy and childbirth also had side effects . She's done her share

ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 12-Jan-17 10:09:27

I'm a bit confused why the OP has to use a method of contraception that has side effects so her husband doesn't have to use one that has side effects .

^^This. Especially when she's happy with condoms.

Or perhaps a compromise? Diaphragm when less spontaneous, condoms in the moment?

would love spontaneous sex but would have to even plan the moment of spontaneity blushgrin

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