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Help me go no contact please

(22 Posts)
wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 07:51:26

Just that really

Look on my previous. I took him back because i loved him. Felt he was distant. I contacted other guys (to get attention/revenge i suppose). The person he was seeing contacted me and told me that he met up with her. Sent her hand written notes etc all while he was living with me. Then he let me have access to his phone. He reinstalled whatsapp and i found his messages to her. And he even designed a present for her daughter while in m house. Plain sight of me. All i wanted was for him to actually love me. Im so sad and such an idiot. He has gone now. I told him too because he couldnt say he loved me.

TheNaze73 Thu 12-Jan-17 08:47:21

Firstly, why on earth are we're you begging him to say something, he'd never of meant? Have some self respect.

Delete his number, block all social media & get up & doing something that makes you feel good. There are 3 billion men on the planet, why get hung up on this areshole?

For me & it's not everyone's view but, to get over someone, you need to get under someone. Won't be for all but, heard it works.

Good luck.

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 08:58:26

I dont know Naze

I loved/love him so much. How teenage does that sound. I have blocked his phone and no social media.

I am trying hard not to cry at work. My self esteem is shot to pieces. He even met up with her at lunch time and wanted to 'help her out'

I gave him another chance and reading all his whatsapp messages made it all so real to me. Saying things he said to me to her. Cooking the same food, Same nicknames

I feel like dying inside because before all this came out i trusted him with all my heart

JaneA1 Thu 12-Jan-17 08:59:10

Can you just remind yourself that he was awful and that you deserve better? Turn to your logical part please.

redexpat Thu 12-Jan-17 09:04:40

You really do deserve better than that.

My advice is to look after yourself. So
make yourself some good food, get a haircut, so some gentle exercise in the fresh air. Occupy yourself with something. Are there any evening classes you fancy? Can you take up crochet or something?

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 09:14:37

everything just seems so far away

i just want to curl up and die a bit x

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 09:40:08

Why do i want the person who hurt me to hold me

why am i so sad

mysinkingheart Thu 12-Jan-17 09:52:06

flowers that's horrible feeling, a proper headfuck...look up the traumatic bond. He must have worked out how to hook you...But you can get past it if you look forwards even if you don't want to. Don't over analyse it. He hurt you that's enough reason to ban him from your thoughts.

Agree with Naze about getting under someone to get over someone, it helps break the unhealthy bond. But don't go looking for love, just do things that make you feel good. One day at a time...

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 10:00:33

Im trying to look forward

The thought of being with someone else terrifies me
Im, at work and throwing up. Im so glad im off tomorrow

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 10:27:25

i just need a hand hold

I havent told anyone in real life because well it will make it all too real

Mrspotatohead18 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:48:49

Oh OP sad I'm going through a shit time too. Like you, my ex did things (not seeing someone else) and I gave him several chances, and it just got to the point where we couldn't even go a few days without having a terrible row. Despite all the shit he's put me through, I still love him madly. I've been NC for nearly 2 weeks, it's bloody hard, he's deleted my number but I still have his: no social media or anything else. I just don't feel ready in myself to totally delete him like he didn't exist, but I know the time will come, I thought the world was ending when I broke off a 7 year relationship (before my current ex), but I healed and looking back, getting out of the vicious circle was the best thing I could have done. I think people underestimate the sheer courage it takes to break off something and stick with it, especially when love and attachment are involved. You're doing amazing, take it one day at a time flowers

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 13:02:18

I just love him and if he walked through the door i would take him back

how mad is that or how mad am i. I had a feeling he was messaging her again or doing something. My gut was screaming at me. i just didnt want to listen

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 16:27:42

I am so lost in all this. Its such a mess.
Im navel gazing thinking that i should have been better and this wouldnt of happened

InfoFreako Thu 12-Jan-17 16:33:31

It sounds like the only thing that your ex and you have in common is no self-respect for you.

As others have said, you need to block all contact and move on (tbh you have no choice!)

I hope things work out.

Cheers.

wossgoinon Thu 12-Jan-17 16:45:30

I know

I have no respect for myself. I have blocked all contact. My mind is just racing all the time. He cheated on his wife and it made the paper. I didnt know all this until October. I trusted him with my life until then. I took him back and well he continued to try and get back with her. Im so mixed up

redexpat Thu 12-Jan-17 23:00:20

What do you like about you?

Dontaskmegoogleit Thu 12-Jan-17 23:04:21

Rejection causes mental and physical pain as cliche as it sounds only time will sort it.
Get angry . Stay angry. Get off all social media until you are stronger.

wossgoinon Fri 13-Jan-17 11:39:59

i dont know what there is to like. I have great friends but my choice in men is appalling. I see the red flags but i just ignore. There is something fundamentally wrong with me

wossgoinon Fri 13-Jan-17 16:38:51

Ok i have managed 24 hours. My friend lent me a book Psychopath Free and he ticks all the boxes but i must of been in very bad place for me to let it happen.

He even called me a cunt when i didnt buy mince pies??!! Wtf

wossgoinon Fri 13-Jan-17 16:51:47

Sorry Mumsnetters i may use this page as some sort of cathartic diary.

Im trying to make sense of something which is impossible. But i keep reading about narcs and bells are ringing. The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase is like a true account of what happened.

I was love bombed at the very beginning. Constant texting, us seeing eachother most days, gifts, nights out. I thought i was lucky. Once i fell for him or i got too comfortable he would disappear and the contact would dry up. He shifted blame on what i was doing or not doing. Calling my children rude. Then the cycle begins. Builds me up then breaks me down. His expectations so high for others but none for himself. He just got inside my head.

Then when i found out about the cheating and that his messages were near on identical to the ones he sent me but they were more intecllectcul to her as she was university educated etc. i just felt disposable and i let him back. He cooked her things i did for him. Watching the same tv shows. He would eat there then eat with me. Then denied i ever existed. And i let him back for him to do it again....Worlds Biggest Chump here x

InfoFreako Fri 13-Jan-17 17:12:00

Well, there's a saying that we get the relationships we deserve.

Stay strong OP!

Cheers.

wossgoinon Fri 13-Jan-17 17:15:29

True

But i didnt think i deserved any of it. I just wanted to believe in him i guess. Its shocked me that why would someone go to so much trouble to hurt someone else. Maybe im too lazy

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