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How can I help our son get through the separation?

(2 Posts)
EmilyRosanne Wed 11-Jan-17 21:14:25

We have 2 DCs, one is 5 years old and one 6 months and have recently separated. A culmination of events led to me asking for some space and in that time he signed up to tinder so we will definatley not be going back and the split will be permanent. The first week or so of the 'break' I simply told our eldest son that daddy was working late/left early which often happened anyway down to different shifts. However now it is permanent and things between me and ex are very strained I have sat down with DS and explained as best I could that me and daddy will still be friends but didn't want to live in the same house anymore but DS is taking it really badly.

In the last week as he has noticed that ex is around a lot less he's been really emotional about little things and constantly asking when he will be home. I thought telling him the (sort of) truth would help but he now says he wants to live with daddy and upon me picking him up today at school he burst into tears that daddy wasn't there, it's breaking my heart that we are causing him so much hurt and I really don't know what to do sad

Has anyone split with similar aged children? Will it get better? 🙁

I don't know what to do with contact either for our youngest DS, I am still breastfeeding and have not left the baby yet as feeding can still be a bit unpredictable and I'm unable to express very much milk. I really don't want to be spending time with my ex as everything is still very raw and I'm hurting but don't want to stop him seeing the baby.

pallasathena Thu 12-Jan-17 09:50:26

Just give him lots of cuddles, lots of attention and lots of understanding. Its a double whammy for such a little boy - a new baby in the house and his daddy leaving the house. He's very like totally confused and as children do, blaming himself for his daddy going.
I would prioritise spending quality time now with the five year old so that he feels safe, secure, loved and wanted.
Keep things simple in terms of explanations and try and set up a regular schedule where your ex has both children at the same time. I know that's difficult when breast feeding but you could consider formula for when he has them on his own.

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