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Am I confusing the kids?

(10 Posts)
Fluffyslippers432 Wed 11-Jan-17 18:19:27

Just hoping for some advice... DH and I separated 6 months ago, live in separate houses. DCs are 11 and 9. We've been getting on better than ever and think we may be able to repair the marriage. No one else involved.
Dcs stay at his house every weekend but recently DH has stayed over at my house a couple of times. TBH it's the only way we get chance to talk things through, what went wrong, what we need to resolve etc. But I worry that the dcs will get confused and wonder why DH can't just come home. Neither of us ready for that. I know my family are uncomfortable with this, but we both miss each other and want to spend time together? Anyone else had similar situation?

originalmavis Wed 11-Jan-17 18:23:30

Have you sat the kids down and told them? I realise they will know the situation but it must be hard for them to fathom and they might get hopes for a reconciliation if their dad stays over.

Fluffyslippers432 Wed 11-Jan-17 18:31:21

We told them before he left that we were separating and they've been ok with it, they miss him obviously but everything is still really friendly and that seems good for them. But yes I agree they might think he's coming back. I just don't know how else we can spend time together to see if we can work it out.

originalmavis Wed 11-Jan-17 18:35:08

Are you trying to see if it can work? I wouldn't tell the kids that - in case they get their hopes up.

Maybe try telling them that you are just being good friends with each other? And that you are still a family (sounding all Mrs Doubtfire here) and want to still do 'family 'thing' together.

Fluffyslippers432 Wed 11-Jan-17 18:46:09

No we haven't said we're trying to work it out, think we're still a long way from that. They haven't really questioned him being here and staying over, I think the DCs are fine with it but I'm getting pressure from my family, I think they want it to be black or white, back together, or divorce and it's just not that clear.

Gazelda Wed 11-Jan-17 18:48:58

Can you. It get babysitters so that you can meet outside of the home?
If you were starting a relationship with someone new, you'd be dating away from the home and taking it slowly before starting to introduce your DC into the mix. Might this work?

Fluffyslippers432 Wed 11-Jan-17 19:17:59

Yes maybe, although can't really ask family. Keep thinking surely I'm not doing anything wrong, he is their dad after all not some stranger but then worry about how it must seem to them confused

Hermonie2016 Wed 11-Jan-17 22:29:33

When he stays over are sharing a bedroom?

I think children will have thoughts that we as adults are not aware of.Isl it low conflict between you both or do you sometimes have raised voices?
I think saying you are still friends is absolutely fine and something that they will appreciate when older.
What were the issues between you two?

SandyY2K Wed 11-Jan-17 22:53:32

If he sleeps in the same room as you, it probably is confusing them.

Cricrichan Wed 11-Jan-17 23:00:07

That must be really confusing for them. 2 of mine are similar ages and it's incredible what they pick up. Quote a few things I've discussed with friends and the kids haven't seemed to be listening but they've picked it up.

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