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would you move family for no reason.

(9 Posts)
happyfrown Wed 11-Jan-17 17:14:43

my head is jumbled so i apologise if this reads aload of jibberish hmm
not sure if its in the right subject?
i have 3 dc's, been living in the same area for 17yrs in aug. its a close built up housing area, every one knows your business whether you like it or not! ive had friends here and some good memories, all but one have left.
im comfortable here in the way i know where everything is locally. but im not happy here and i have no idea where i would be happy? i have this feeling i need to get away from here, fresh start? most people move to be close to family or work, i don't have family and due to MH not in work.

any way my worries, i suffer with anxiety and don't tend to go to places im not familiar with (i don't get out much tbh) a new area where i know nothing scares me, im worried it will make my MH worse.
ds1 is in yr 10 with work experience next month, exams next year... so that puts a spanner in the works. if i wait 2yrs for him to finish his exams ds2 is then starting his options! to be honest i don't think i want to be here for 2yrs.
the kids have friends in the school and a few around the area i feel bad to uproot them from the only area they've known, one thing i wouldn't miss is ex dp just knocking on the door when ever he feels fit (as he lives 5mins away)

my head just goes over and over with pros and cons, other than my only friend here, there is nothing else to leave. people round here spread gossip about me so wont miss that! im so sad here and i cant stop wondering if i run move away from it all and start again, would it help? im not selfish not thinking about my dc's feelings or i would of upped and moved years ago, most people reading prob wont understand that im making my own stress maybe? maybe they're right.

all i know is ive been close to not being here at all and im just trying to better our lives without knowing exactly how? perhaps where ever i run my problems will come because its in my head sad
sorry its long, just need to talk about it.

junebirthdaygirl Wed 11-Jan-17 18:54:21

My ds suffers from depression and we did move for no other reason than he felt he would be happier in the new place. I'm pretty easy going and while l had no desire to move l didn't really mind so we went. I settled in perfectly, so did the children but my dh was even more unhappy as he had the added disappointment of realising moving changed nothing. I would be more inclined to to get more medical help or counselling, at least until your ds finish education. That is their familiar place so important to them. Can you ignore neighbours as much as possible?

happyfrown Wed 11-Jan-17 19:34:35

yes i do worry i'd uproot, upset & disturb the kids just to find i feel the same. im not even sure what im running from or what im trying to gain? sad
ive lived here along time so i say hello to faces to be polite, i do ignore people i know who spread gossip.

wtf2015 Wed 11-Jan-17 19:50:40

Yes, I am the same. Lived in roughly the same area all my life except when at university. I'm finally buying my own home and would love to move away with my dc for no other reason than just wanting a change, abbey adventure etc. Children far too old now to move so I'm off as soon as dc5 has left school...10 years and counting.

happyfrown Wed 11-Jan-17 20:10:23

what do you mean too old? you mean in last years of school ? 10yrs!! thats along way off!

any one have horrible un-decisive feeling where it makes you feel sick? or just me hmm i know i want, most likely NEED a change and fresh start but i also know i fear 'change' and it could make me worse than i already am!

pallasathena Thu 12-Jan-17 10:01:47

I regret not moving away when I had the chance many years ago now. Like you, I was depressed, unhappy with my life, couldn't seem to get ahead and although my home town was familiar and I knew people, it just didn't do anything for me and all I could see were the negatives and no positives at all.
And then, an opportunity came my way. And what did I do? I panicked, turned it down then regretted it for the next ten years until another opportunity presented itself.
This time, it was as if it was meant to be.
Kids away at uni, me jogging along in a secure but tedious job, house needing money spent on it that I didn't have...and so, I accepted the opportunity and went on to carve out a really good niche in my career, met and married DH2 and never looked back.
I think what I'm trying to say is that there has to be purpose behind making such a radical shift in your life and if you can genuinely feel that there no other options for you where you are, then go for it. You only live once.

happyfrown Thu 12-Jan-17 10:31:25

if i can figure out what im looking for or what im trying to achieve then it might help confused im not the most chatty person, i have anxiety so i don't think its to make friends?
part of me thinks its to get away from memories, or might just be from the closeness of the area. i had an opportunity 3yrs ago to move to a house with a garden (i have maisonette shared garden) but i couldn't leave, i would see my dd playing with other kids in the garden and thought she would have no one to play with if we had own garden? but flip side the kids in the communal garden and their parents are part of the reason i have low spells.

i know if i didn't have dc's id be gone a long time ago. i feel selfish moving them for my own need and taking them away from all they know. me being so introverted, im worried it will be same shit different area?

maybe as a pp said, sorting out my MH might ease the pressure of uncertainty. im working on it..... waiting for my therapy. again x

Eolian Thu 12-Jan-17 10:40:56

Tricky one! We moved 2 years ago purely for a change of scenery and lifestyle. Kids were 6 and 9. It was a big move, 4 hours away, to a northern, rural part of the country we didn't know at all but liked the look of. Neither dh nor I had ever lived anywhere but the SE before. We didn't even have the excuse that we didn't like where we were already living - it was a nice village in Oxfordshire. Kids' school was good etc.

Anyway... we absolutely love it here and wouldn't go back. However, I actively like change, so I wasn't really worried about the move from my own point of view. Dd who's now 11 found it hardest to move away from friends but is very happy now.

Having said that, it's better to run To something than AWAY from something. As someone once said "Wherever you go, there you are". If your problems can be solved by location, it's worth moving. If you're going to take your problems with you, then maybe not.

happyfrown Thu 12-Jan-17 11:07:49

some true words there.
eldest just turned 15 and i think he would hate to leave friends and change school with being close to exams etc. ds2 and dd will adapt better. with me hoping!
i couldn't move hours away due to ex P's seeing the kids, dd is travel sick and couldn't do a long journey and ds's dad don't drive! looks like everything is against moving.

maybe a word with the therapist when i get there would help.

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