I'm in a long-term relationship (25 years) with 3 children, but my partner and I haven't had sex in over 6 years. His choice, not mine. He says he has no drive at all and is not capable of getting an erection. He's an alcoholic, who has functioned and kept it under control until about 6 months ago when it started to spiral. He's barely functioning right now, although managing to hold down his job, he is drunk unless he's in the office.
Anyway, about 6 months ago he confessed to having in the past paid for sex. I was shocked at first, but even more shocked by my lack of emotion. And hearing that news spurred me to seek a physical relationship with someone else. I crave intimacy - sex, kissing, the closeness of being naked with someone who is attracted to me. I can't bear never having that again. My partner was never intimate and there was never any type of foreplay. His idea of sex was straight penetration, until he came. There was never any enjoyment in it for me, and I regret bitterly now that I couldn't talk to him about it.
Anyway. Long story short. I met a man who lives overseas - in Europe - and we had passionate and intimate sex when he was visiting the UK on a fairly regular basis. I thought we had a real connection. But he has turned out to be a shit. Of course! And now I need to cut all ties with him and get over it. But I am finding it hard. I don't feel emotionally strong enough to do it. I hate that I am behaving like a doormat, and I know it's not good for me. I know it's actually the last thing I need, but I feel desperately lonely and unwanted.
I need someone to give me a good kick up the arse. So please give me some words of encouragement so dust myself off and find some self respect. I'm really struggling right now to muster the strength to do what I know is right.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I've been stupid. Give me a good talking to.
caterpuller · 11/01/2017 15:03
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