Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Engagement ring post separation

(39 Posts)
torontonian Tue 10-Jan-17 14:14:55

I just saw my engagement ring sitting in a bowl and thought it is a pity. I love it (I chose it) and it the the second most expensive thing I have after my house, so I feel remorse it is just collecting dust.

I have read opinions before about selling it or keeping it and passing to your children. It is not so special to be a family jewel and selling would get me less than half its value I suposse.

I postponed the decission when feelings were raw but I am 18 months post separation now. I like it, as a ring. Do you think that it would be weird to wear it? In another finger? In a chain? What do you think?

category12 Tue 10-Jan-17 14:26:26

I think it's kinda weird to wear it. Why didn't you give it back?

GooodMythicalMorning Tue 10-Jan-17 14:28:17

Wear it on another finger of you really love it.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 10-Jan-17 14:31:20

I'd wear it on another finger.

NathanBarleyrocks Tue 10-Jan-17 14:32:35

Who paid for it? If it was your ex fiancé, I think you are supposed to give it back as it was bought with the intention of marriage. So Judge Judy says anyway!

RacoonBandit Tue 10-Jan-17 14:33:27

Wear it in a different finger.

HairsprayBabe Tue 10-Jan-17 14:33:34

Get it re-set as a pendant? Then you can wear it but it loses its ring connotations, and you don't have to give it back, it is a gift.

LesisMiserable Tue 10-Jan-17 14:34:11

If he hasnt asked for it, I'd definitely wear it if you like it

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 10-Jan-17 14:37:03

I wore mine on my right hand until I got engaged again and didn't want to wear both at the same time. Mine was a family ring on my side so it means more to me than an engagement ring, it's special to my Dad's side of the family, so it was always more mine than my ex's. If that makes sense.

If you chose it and love it then wear it! Either on your right hand or get it reset as something else, as PP have said. So sad when beautiful jewellery isn't being worn and appreciated!

Ofalltheginjoints Tue 10-Jan-17 14:57:57

I've given mine to my Mam to keep she can do what she wants with it, it is a beautiful ring but I couldn't bring myself to look at it never mind wear it, I did look at selling it but the price I was offered was extremely low as I know how much it cost in the first place.

Getting the stone(s) reset into another ring or a pendant as mentioned could be an option?

As for giving the ring back I think it comes down to why the engagement broke down, i thought it was that if you just decided you didn't want to get married then you have the ring back but if the giver ended the relationshion it was yours to keep, that's how I and my exF worked it after he cheated

ManonLescaut Tue 10-Jan-17 15:05:11

Were you engaged when you split or married?

Fuckityhi Tue 10-Jan-17 15:07:23

Why would the OP have given it back? Engagement rings are gifts, not a down payment on a wife confused

JellyBean31 Tue 10-Jan-17 15:11:00

Mine belonged to my ex-MIL who had previously died. Because of that I offered it back, but to SIL who might have wanted her Mum's ring rather than to exH.

Anyway she didn't but thought one of my nieces might at some point in the future want her Grans ring (she also said this niece was the only one certain not to pawn it...haha), so I've said I will keep it safe and if she does want it in the future she will only have to ask. I will never wear it again, even though it's a beautiful ring & I always received compliments from strangers on it.

PuntCuffin Tue 10-Jan-17 15:12:21

It is traditional to return a ring if the female breas off the engagement. She gets to keep it if he does. It's an old-fashioned position based on when women were viewed as property and engagement rings were passed through the generations.

category12 Tue 10-Jan-17 15:12:58

Oh there's certainly something of the patriarchal ownership history in there, don't you think, fuckityhi? Otherwise why wouldn't it go both ways, and both wear a promise ring or something? But no, it's man gives woman symbolic ring.

CatBallou2 Tue 10-Jan-17 15:20:59

I wear mine post split. I wear it on my right hand. The only reason I'm wearing it is in case I'm burgled. I was burgled a couple of years ago and my jewellery was stolen.

My plan is to, eventually, have it restyled. It was given to me, so it's mine.

Allalonenow Tue 10-Jan-17 15:28:10

An engagement ring is yours to keep, even though the relationship has ended, you don't return it.
Wear it on another finger, get some pleasure out of wearing a beautiful object.

Purplebluebird Tue 10-Jan-17 15:34:11

Mine was pretty cheap, and not very special, so it sits in my jewellery box (it was a plain gold band, cost £40 in the sales :P I did not pick it but saw it in a shop window later that week). Obviously it still meant a lot to me at the time, but it's been 8 years now and I think I might sell it. If it was a beautiful one with a stone, I might have kept it on my other hand?

jeaux90 Tue 10-Jan-17 15:34:32

I had a lovely diamond in mine which I got made into a supercool chunkie pinkie ring smile

Or yes wear as is on a different finger although a friend of mine does that and it really does look like an engagement ring....just on the other hand.

TheTapir Tue 10-Jan-17 15:42:30

mine wasn't hugely expensive and I am intending to give it to a local animal sanctuary who have a charity shop. I think that I will post it though with a note to say that it's real as I was going to drop it into the shop last weekend but wasn't convinced that I could do it without crying.

TheTapir Tue 10-Jan-17 15:43:02

I do love my eternity ring though and am planning to keep that for now.

steppemum Tue 10-Jan-17 15:58:07

just to answer a question upthread.

There is actually a law about this. But it was made in another era!
If the man breaks it off, the woman is allowed to keep all jewellery gifted to her.
If the woman breaks it off she is supposed to return it all.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 10-Jan-17 16:10:28

I gave mine back when my Ex asked for it.
He proposed with the same ring to his new GF!

TheNaze73 Tue 10-Jan-17 16:12:29

Classy bloke hellsbells wink

Can see why he's an ex!

SpermThroughASashWindow Tue 10-Jan-17 16:15:47

Did you get married? If you did, keep the ring. It forms a contract which was fulfilled. If your relationship ended before you got marred, I'd offer it back.
I've been separated for 3.5 years. My mum is keeping my ring safe since the DDs and I were between houses. I absolutely love it and would love to wear it, or do something with it. I wear my eternity ring on my right hand since it was a present for DD1 being born.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now