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Can't sleep he doesn't love me anymore

(26 Posts)
NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 00:22:53

Partner packed his bags & left today & im 6 months pregnant sad
Feel so shit don't know what to do can't stop crying it feels like a bad dream. We have not been in a good place for a long time, were due to get counselling but he's decided it's pointless, he's cheated in the past & I struggle to trust him so there are constant arguement s which I understand are horrible but it's still come as a massive shock I just don't want to go to bed knowing he's not there when I wake up.

timelytess Tue 10-Jan-17 00:26:37

Be kind to yourself. Do what you feel. If you want to cry, do. Have a cup of tea. Watch some foolish television. When my marriage ended, I had to do housework (against my nature!) 20 hours a day. I had to find things to do constantly. Its very disturbing when your relationship ends.

Don't think too far ahead. You are going to be fine without him. Absolutely fine. Take one day at a time.

flowers

NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 00:51:31

Thank you tess I think housework is a good idea it's a never ending job lol

rumred Tue 10-Jan-17 05:06:57

Hi op sorry you're in such an awful situation. You'll be shocked as much as anything. Have you spoken to friends and family? You'll need support and love from decent people. Your ex cheated and perhaps is at it again?

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 10-Jan-17 05:24:36

flowers it's very difficult, especially when pregnant. The others have given great advice so I'll leave it there.

lovelearning Tue 10-Jan-17 05:43:37

NCforthispost2017

Focus on you and your baby

Are you eating and drinking?

daisychain01 Tue 10-Jan-17 07:22:53

He sounds like a charmer, deciding to leave the mother of his child. Gutless cheat.

Honestly, once you get over the short term shock which must be horrible, you'll quickly get into a new frame of mind the closer you are to your due date.

Focus on having rest and eating well. Stay in the moment, so you can stay strong. Forget him, he adds no value to your life.

pallasathena Tue 10-Jan-17 07:45:49

Focus on yourself and the preparations for your new baby. They're a shocking bunch of bastards these 'men', who walk out on their pregnant partners and the best thing you can do is to become so strong in yourself, so confident in your own considerable abilities, that you wake up one morning and bless the day the loser left.
For that's what these men are. LOSERS.
He might come crawling back when he discovers no-one else wants him. He might not. It really doesn't matter because you will be strong enough, resilient enough and confident enough to carve out a life for yourself and your baby without any losers in it.
The important thing is: remember that you are worth far, far more than someone with the backbone of a weasel.

Newbiecat Tue 10-Jan-17 08:01:56

I'm sorry I don't know if there's much I can say to help you right now but I just wanted to say you were in my thoughts. Focussing on your baby will help you day by day I'm sure. Don't forget midwife support is there if you need it. flowers

thethoughtfox Tue 10-Jan-17 08:06:45

flowers

thethoughtfox Tue 10-Jan-17 08:07:11

My first ever flowers, to you x

NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 09:18:56

rumred he says there isn't anyone else & he doesn't love me anymore because we always argue over trust issues.

Spoke to a friend in RL who had been lovely but don't want to pile everything on her as she has her own life aswell, just feel like I'd be a burden while I feel this sorry for myself.

Evergreen17 Tue 10-Jan-17 09:25:00

OP I will tell you that 3 of my exes left me with these excuse:
he says there isn't anyone else & he doesn't love me anymore because we always argue over trust issues.
and months later I found out they were with OW, one even expecting a baby.
They say that so they can blame you.
He cheated, not entitled to comment on trust issues he created.
That is first.
I am saying this because it took years of therapy to start blaming myself and seeing things how they really were. They were awful people, not me.

So dont believe that. Focus in you. You have done nothing wrong. Be kind to yourself. How brave are you? Becoming a mum, a good mum.

You will be sad for a bit but try to write down everyday one or two achievements

Hugs OP

Evergreen17 Tue 10-Jan-17 09:26:17

I meant to STOP blaming myself

Evergreen17 Tue 10-Jan-17 09:27:15

And I meant ! Not ? At the end of how brave are you!!
Sorry pregnancy brain

Onmyownwith4kids Tue 10-Jan-17 09:47:16

As someone who has come out of the other side of this I just wanted to say one day you will look back and be glad he went. I was utterly distraught when my ex left me with four young kids on my own for another woman. The grief was overwhelming I could not see beyond it. Now I look back and wonder why I ever put up with him. I am so grateful she took him off my hands. You will get through this. It doesn't seem like it but there is a better life waiting. I'm so sorry you are going through this x

NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 10:08:18

That's exactly how it feels grief like something has died inside me & there's no way forward I just want a fast forward life button to when the baby is in my arms and I feel better.
I feel it's my fault iv pushed him away with lack of trust we should have had counceling when the cheating first happened & now he doesn't love me there's no going back.
Fuck! Now I'm just moaning with self pity

Onmyownwith4kids Tue 10-Jan-17 10:54:51

It is grief. I remember always being on the verge of tears, not being able to think of anything else. Never feeling happy. I really feel for you especially going through pregnancy. You haven't pushed him away with your lack of trust. Mine said exactly the same. Please don't blame yourself. You are worth so much more. Focus on you and your baby. Life will get better and better but it takes time.

user1476869312 Tue 10-Jan-17 11:09:10

At least he's actually packed his bags and gone, OP. That's much, much better than having him still living in the same house, reminding you that he doesn't love you any more yet expecting you to cook and clean for him. Quite a few men like to pull that trick during pregnancy: what they want is the ability to chase and shag other women while still getting their socks washed and their tea on the table, because they have managed to convince the pregnant (or new mother) woman that the worst thing in the world would be for the man to leave, so she drives herself crazy trying to be Perfect Woman...

NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 13:00:41

That's a very good point user it's awful & I feel like shit but at least I have space to feel shit/sorry for myself/angry/all these all at once! Iv just fixed my own hoover feel like Wonder Woman now don't need no man grin

ThirdThoughts Tue 10-Jan-17 14:07:23

And you'll be able to enjoy all those newborn snuggles without worrying about whether he's cheating again or feeling guiilty about arguments in front of the baby.

It will be tough, because you didn't plan this and he's sprung it on you, so you'll need to adjust your vision of the future without the partner you had hoped he would be. But hopefully you'll see in time that the person he actually was was someone else and that he is no loss.

You and baby will thrive without him there.

Quarksoundslikequack Tue 10-Jan-17 17:55:03

In same boat as you so can't help but I'm a couple of months in & am feeling better longer.

It'll take time but you will heal...it's better he left now than just before or after the baby is born.

It gives you chance to get yourself together & feel stronger....you'll go through a lot of emotions, it's all apart of the healing process.

NCforthispost2017 Tue 10-Jan-17 18:40:11

How long did it take quark from him leaving til you started feeling better? It's nights that are worse there is enough to keep you busy/distracted in the day but at night it's just waiting for bedtime it's awful sad

Quarksoundslikequack Tue 10-Jan-17 20:12:30

It's been 2 months since he left.

In that time, I have had ups and downs....more downs due to the small time since he walked.

I struggle more in the morning until around afternoon...which is weird because I didn't ever see him at those times much!

I'm getting through it one day at a time, I am focusing on my baby arriving in April & that he will take up most of my time, when he's sleeping il only have time to sleep too or catch up on things I couldn't do whilst he was awake.

Every time you feel it's getting too much, just picture how you feel when your baby arrives, how he'll love you because you are his mummy....no love from anyone else in your life will beat that.

(Only saying He as I don't like saying it) flowers

NCforthispost2017 Wed 11-Jan-17 12:07:08

My little girl is due in April aswell! I hope you are ok too, I don't seem as bad in the day it's evenings and I can't sleep.
Hope things get better for us both soon flowers

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