Hi,
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years. In February 2015 we started having a few minor problems. Arguments and such. It was mainly around setting a date for a wedding.
I wanted to wait and pay for debt that we had acumulated over time and then start saving for a wedding. She wanted it asap and to try and force my hand issued me with an ultimatum "either you marry me before I'm 30 or I'll go find someone who will"...
Further arguments ensued over the next months so much so she refused to speak to me about money problems. She refused to talk to me about what I was worrying over and became very dismissive. That ended with me going to my parents for help and heaping quite a large amount of stress on them. Unfortunately the arguments didn't stop and I ended up having a bit of a nervous break down.
To get my self better I booked a holiday to Jamaica and the relationship seemed to get better. We spoke and decided that we would work on it.
After my holiday I returned to work but whilst at work I fell over breaking both my arms and going back off on the sick again. The day after falling over whilst in the hospital my girlfriend accused me or ruining her Christmas and her weekend. I accept she said this as she was stressed and upset by it hurt and upset me. I then spent a lot of time at home with only my own thoughts.
I think during this period I began thinking about the things that could be better in our relationship which caused doubts about our up and coming wedding. My anxiety came back and I ended up cancelling the wedding.
I tried to leave her a couple of times but couldn't find the words when I saw her so upset and crying. I suppose that's were it sucks being the nice guy!
Before I met her I had my life planned out. What I wanted to achieve by x date and what I wanted active by another. We both want children and marriage but I'm not sure anymore if she is the one for me? I feel very unhappy and can't seem to shake it, I cant put my finger on what it is that's making me unhappy. Sometimes I'm happy with her, but very quickly it die's away and I'm left feeling confused and low.
This then seems to trigger my anxiety. My worry is that I want children. I suppose I always wanted children in my early 30's and I wanted to be having my last child around now. I turned 34 in October but I always thought that life would turn out differently for me.
I know I'm not old now. I get that, its later on in life I think/worry about. I suppose looking at my parents they have now seen their children grow up and having children (grandchildren from my brother). They had children when they were 30/31 and 32/33. I want to see my children grow up, I want to be there for them like my mum and dad are for me, like there mum and dad were for them...I guessed I always inspired to be like them too.
It's ironic really as I thought I had loads of time. I thought it didn't really matter and was fairly dismissive when my mum used to say to me you need to settle down and have children. I would find myself saying to her. Mum I'm only young. I've got plenty of time. But actually have I?
Is there anyone out there that are in a similar situation to me? Or have been in a similar situation to me? 33/34 not happy in a relationship took the plunge and left and found life does exist afterwards? Or someone out there that had kids after 34 that was worried before hand but not bothered and really happy.
I suppose I question, do I try and make myself feel happy? Stay in the relationship I'm in with the girl that says she loves me or do I continue my search for "the one" and not worry about life?
I'm just not sure what to do?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What should I do?
14 replies
Letsallbefriends · 09/01/2017 20:53
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.