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Don't know how to end it? Or...

(14 Posts)
Carmen1001 Mon 09-Jan-17 20:26:03

If I even should.

DP and I have been together over 2 years. We have a very stable relationship, love one another, hardly argue etc. BUT... it isn't enough for me. I'm so bloody sick of hearing people say how perfect our relationship is. If only they knew.

We don't live together, don't plan to for another 1 or 2 years - this makes me unhappy. He knows how I feel and doesn't seem to do anything about it.

We also had a pregnancy scare and it's set something off inside me. I really would like children soon, or at least start putting plans together to get into a position where having one is actually a viable option.

He doesn't want to - not yet.

Why am I hanging around when everything is his decision?

I really don't know what to do. On one hand I'm very much in love and on the other I'm so unfulfilled.

Christ how do I leave sad

ThirdThoughts Mon 09-Jan-17 20:42:43

If you don't live together presumably you need to have an honest talk with him explaining that you've realised that you just aren't on the same page about your life plans and the relationship isn't working for you and you wish him well. Then stop seeing him.

Things like moving on and having children aren't something you can compromise about so kind of have to go at the pace of the person wanting to take it slowly. But equally you can't spend your life hanging around for someone to maybe come around to the idea eventually.

May I ask how old you are?

ThirdThoughts Mon 09-Jan-17 20:43:53

Moving in*

Ilovecaindingle Mon 09-Jan-17 20:44:45

Ask him his plans for 2017-pen and paper at the ready!! If they don't match yours more or less then there's your answer and might make it easier for you both to accept you want different things.

OnefriedMFer Mon 09-Jan-17 20:46:48

I've NC'd, sorry for the confusion.

Yes, 26 and he's 29. I completely get what you're saying. He's said he wants these things with me, just not now. I don't think it's fair on me to have to wait - like you said we should be moving along together on the same path. I just don't know how to end it.

Cricrichan Mon 09-Jan-17 20:49:14

You're still young and it's only been 2 years. I'd enjoy things as they were tbh. No rush.

Marleyandme1 Mon 09-Jan-17 21:07:11

I was in exactly the same position as you, we'd been together nearly 3 years but kept telling me "oh I'm going to propose soon and give me dates" which was kinda odd because no proposals ever came after the various dates lol. I was ready to settle down, commit and have kids and he said he wanted to as well...but not right now....eventually he said in 6 years he would be ready. Point is, we werent on the same page in the life and who knows if he would even be ready in 6 years so I decided to end it as I want someone who is wanting the same things in life as me, I refuse to wait around for someone who isn't ready for me, I deserve more.

TheNaze73 Mon 09-Jan-17 22:31:16

Slow down, it's only been 2 years. Like Cricrichan said, what's the rush?

Potnoodlewilld0 Mon 09-Jan-17 22:34:23

Get out now while you can, life really is too short.

Potnoodlewilld0 Mon 09-Jan-17 22:39:44

They are not on the same page, it's not fair the continual feet dragging of some men. If both parties were fine with it cool but op isn't and after two years it isnt too much to expect proper commitment.

I have two friends who 'waited' for their fellas to be 'ready'. They are both nearly 40 childless and no further down the line than when they started 7-10 years ago. It's not fair, it's like dangling a fucking carrot.

If your not happy - leave. You have give him two years, if he isn't ready now he never will be.

Ellisandra Mon 09-Jan-17 22:47:29

2 years is nothing.
What plans do you mean, to make having children a viable option?

TheUpsideDown Mon 09-Jan-17 22:49:36

At 26 and 29, you're in love, two years together... I honestly don't see what the rush is all about. You've so much to enjoy together before kids! (You need to be a strong couple, as having a baby will most definitely test your relationship).

However, I think it would be wise to have a very honest in-depth talk about what you want from life and the relationship, and when you'd ideally like it all to happen. Be truthful and let him know that if he doesn't want the same you'll have to end the relationship. You're not emotionally blackmailing him, he has a choice, but if you don't want the same things from life then it will never work and it's best to let go and give each other the chance to meet someone else with the same goals.

Oakmaiden Mon 09-Jan-17 22:52:56

Is there a reason that you have chosen (and presumably discussed) to leave moving in together for another 1-2 years?

Have you told him that actually you would like a shorter timetable?

OnefriedMFer Tue 10-Jan-17 08:05:20

Thank you all for your replies. I like the pen and paper idea, going to suggest this to him today.

I don't feel as if I'm rushing, I realistically would be hoping to move in together this year with plans on starting a family next year.

We both said a list of things we'd love to do a year ago, and we've hammered through it. So no shortage on fun grin. We've also booked a trip to America for July, which we both are looking forward to.

The reason why we haven't moved in yet is we both have car loans (nothing excessive) that will be paid off in a year and a half. Financially, id say we are both good. We both have never little, if any debt other than the cars.

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