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Advice needed

(15 Posts)
tulipsforeveryone Mon 09-Jan-17 17:23:55

My partner took out a phone contract for me in their name, but I pay the monthly bill.
I used to receive texts messages from the phone provider letting me know when the bill was due, how many minutes I had left and so on.
When the phone contract was changed slightly I stopped receiving these alerts so now have no way of finding out what my minutes are anymore and so forth as the contract is not in my name.
The only way I can receive this info is if a password is put on the account, that I can use.

I asked my partner to put a password on the account so I can also have access to it. They said no as it was linked to their bank A/C.
I challenged them on this and pointed out that the phone provider would only be able to give me info on my bill account and not give me details to the bank A/C.

My partner then went on to say that even if that was the case, if we split up then they would not be sure what I would do!

I'm confused by the whole logic of the explanation to me.
Recently I found out that they had been looking at my phone bills to see what tel no's I had been contacting.
Now I can 100% say that I have absolutely nothing to hide. My phone does not have a password lock, so they can go into my phone anytime. I don't leave a room and take my phone with me, and I absolutely know that they have access to see that summarise bill anytime.

Why are they allowed to see all this, which I do not mind, but yet they will not allow me access to have general questions answered that I may have with the phone provider?

Ilovecaindingle Mon 09-Jan-17 17:29:05

Does he also have a contract with them? Maybe he was worried they would give you info about his number by mistake?
If he is checking up on you is it because he has guilt and is trying to tar you with his brush?

TwitterQueen1 Mon 09-Jan-17 17:30:09

Very confusing. You say you pay the bill and then you say it's linked to your partner's bank account.

Which is it?

And really, this is obviously a red herring for other stuff that is going on with the two of you.

tulipsforeveryone Mon 09-Jan-17 17:45:05

@ilovecaindingle No he doesn't have a contract with them, his contract is with a different provider. So no confusion with wrong info being given out.

@twitterqueen1 The phone contract is in their name and paid by direct debit, I give the bill amount in cash every month to him, it was just easier for me that way.

tulipsforeveryone Mon 09-Jan-17 17:51:25

I guess I probably already know what it is about and without boring you with too many details, I have tried to get to the point.
I feel it is about control. At the end of the day me having a password on account so I can speak to customer service in my eyes should be no big deal.

If I speak to them they will not be able to confirm about bank account info and if they did what could I do with that information, pay money in? Steal it? I don't understand.

And then the second excuse given is that if we split up he does not know what I would do! What change the plan? I would not do that without permission. Ever.

kittybiscuits Mon 09-Jan-17 17:55:34

Hand the phone back. Get your own phone. How else is your P controlling?

Haribogirl Mon 09-Jan-17 18:11:02

If he's your partner then why do you say their name and their acct??

ProseccoBitch Mon 09-Jan-17 18:23:04

Just get your own phone.

Ellisandra Mon 09-Jan-17 18:23:38

You're wasting your time thinking about it.
Tell him you're not a child, and you'll sort out your own phone, and hand it back.

Would you fail a credit check to get a contract? It's the only reason I can think of why you let him do it in the first place.

If so, go PAYG. If that means a cheap handset, so be it.

Oh - and bin him, he's an arsehole.

tulipsforeveryone Mon 09-Jan-17 18:25:24

Thanks by the way guys for replying

@kittybiscuits that's exactly what I'm doing. I will have my own phone contract at the end of the month. The phone is mine it's just the contract was under their name and paid by direct debit.
Controlling as in wanting to know where I am all the time, calling me constantly, wanting to know who I'm with.

I'm mostly on my own when I'm not with them. The last time I went out with a friend was 6 months ago and before that it was 1 yr.
I work only a few days a week and when I'm not at work then I'm at home doing chores or looking after my grandchild.
I speak mostly only to about 5 people on a regular basis and they are all family.

The whole episode to some may not be a big deal but I think that it has just opened my eyes to a bigger problem within the relationship.
I have allowed my partner access to my phone and anything else they have asked for. I'm 100% with them and only them, so all the cloak and dagger stuff surrounding this issue is now making me not trust them.

Ellisandra Mon 09-Jan-17 18:31:40

It is a MASSIVE deal, you are so right.
Why are you not seeing your friends more often?

HerOtherHalf Mon 09-Jan-17 18:32:45

I wouldn't suffer it. You have a right to privacy even if you have nothing to hide. Partners who insist on knowing who you phone, where you go and what you do very rarely stop there and invariably move on to telling you who you can phone, where you can go and what you can do.

tulipsforeveryone Mon 09-Jan-17 18:33:16

@haribogirl we have been dating for 10 yrs and are engaged. I could not get a contract at the time so he got one for me. I just gave him the money each month for it. I can now get a contract and have done just that.

@ellisandro you are probably right, but it has/had upset me and with no-one really to talk to about this situation I thought I was in the wrong.

Ellisandra Mon 09-Jan-17 18:48:45

Don't doubt yourself.
And don't go getting married until you've had a good think through the bigger problem you think it indicates.

I'm guessing this isn't the only niggle you have that you think is just you, just minor?

piglover Mon 09-Jan-17 18:59:21

Get a cheap PAYG phone - no need even for a contract. And maybe think about the concept of dating a horribly controlling-sounding person for 10 years, too.

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