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Advice Needed

(5 Posts)
Dcdc1982 Mon 09-Jan-17 17:00:51


My name is Daniel, I'm 34. I'm in a relationship with someone. She is 30 years of age. We have been together for 3 years but for some time now, possibly over a year, I have been unhappy. She wants children, marriage etc but I cant put my finger on what it is that's making me unhappy. Sometimes I'm happy with her, but I don't think the spark is there anymore?

My worry is that I want children. I suppose I always wanted children in my early 30's and I wanted to be having my last child around now. I always thought that life would turn out differently for me. If I was to split up with my girlfriend, I wouldn't mind meeting someone with a child already (as a father figure isn't necessarily a biological dad) but ideally I would want one of my own and I'm worrying/obsess that I will be to old.

I know I'm not old now. I get that, its later on in life I think/worry about. I suppose looking at my parents they have now seen their children grow up and having children (grandchildren from my brother). They had children when they were 30/31 and 32/33. I want to see my children grow up, I want to be there for them like my mum and dad are for me, like there mum and dad were for them...I guessed I always inspired to be like them too.

Is there anyone out there that are in a similar situation to me? Do I force myself to feel happy? Stay in the relationship I'm in with the girl that loves me very much or do I continue my search for "the one"?

Reposts on here would be great but anyone who has been in my situation that I can speak to who has been through the worry would be a massive help...

HappyJanuary Mon 09-Jan-17 17:06:33

You absolutely do not stay in a relationship with someone that doesn't make you happy.

You let her go so that she also has a chance of finding 'the one'.

There are no age restrictions on fatherhood, beyond preference, but your gf's chances of being a mother diminish as she gets older. Be kind and let her go before she wastes moe years on you.

Forcing yourself to be happy won't work. You'll both end up miserable and resentful.

SadTrombone Mon 09-Jan-17 17:07:09

34 is not old. The age you state your parents had children at is only one or two years younger than the age you are now.
I also notice you describe your girlfriend as "loving you very much" but don't make the same comment about her...
...are you sure this is all about the children issue and that you're not just using that as a reason to potentially end a relationship which no longer interests you?

KindDogsTail Mon 09-Jan-17 17:12:16

There will not be a permanent "spark", as in feeling excited and newly in love
with any one you have a long term relationship with. "In love" has to turn into a deep bond with actual love, with respect, fun, trust and attraction still intact. I cannot tell from what you said if you feel any bond at all with this girlfriend, or if you would ever finally feel this with any other.

You speak of meeting someone else who has children already. Is there any reason why you might be avoiding being a father yourself, given that your feelings of pulling back from your girlfriend seem to coincide with your her now wanting to get married and have children?

She needs to know though.

TheNaze73 Mon 09-Jan-17 17:15:16

Tell her how you feel & walk if necessary. You have all the time in the world. Good luck

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