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sister with depression - I need help

(4 Posts)
horriblesister Mon 09-Jan-17 16:19:59

I have named changed for this as I know my sister is on here.
I live with my sister and have done for a while. We can't afford to live apart and we have always got on really well. Neither of us have been married or in a relationship for a while, which I don't mind but I know my sister regrets it.
My sister has always suffered from depression and is on medication which helps a lot. its fluctuated over the years due to things going on int he family and at work and we have always been able to cope.Recently I have begun to find certain things she is doing more and more annoying and I need to find a way to get over it or explian why I am upset without triggering a down slide for her.
She has always had certain things she does which she has attributed to the depression. For example she will get anxious and upset at weekends before she has to go to work on Monday. This hasn't changed no matter what job she is doing and how much she loves it. This results in her telling her brain to stop thinking that out loud and complaining that she feels bad or upset. She has started sleeping in of a morning rather than getting up at her usual time and then complaining about the waste of time. Even though she will make it in to work in plenty of time. I resent this as I don't have the choice to sleep in as my work is further away (which i know is petty). When she comes home from work she can only focus on the negative things that happened and will vent about them. If I try to talk about work it generally gets cut off or treated as its not important.
I feel like its my role to try and cheer her up or chivvy her along and if I don't then I get sighs or the announcement of feeling bad till I say or do something to make it better.
She has had counselling in the past but didn't like it and I have suggested online stuff but she doesn't look at it or says she is too busy at work.
I find myself getting cross with her when she is like this and its taking a huge effort not to snap at her and lose mytemper. I am also starting to want to avoid going home so I don't have to deal with her. I feel like she wants me to sort out her whole life and I can't do that
How do I explain to her how this is making me feel and help her to change her behaviour and deal with her depression. I am finding this difficult as I have another family member who used depression as an excuse for bad behaviour and I am worried my sister will do similar things, like bursting into tears and blaming me and telling me that I just have to deal with it. Any advice would be appreciated

Icky871 Mon 09-Jan-17 17:16:25

This must be really hard on you. I would tell her how she is making you feel. I myself have depression and when I know it is impacting on others I will try my best to make the situation different which in turn makes me happy act happy think happy etc sometimes you have to fake it to make it x

StiffenedPleat Mon 09-Jan-17 17:40:33

It's an unhealthy arrangement for both of you. She's an adult. It's up to her what time she gets up in the morning. Are you an enmeshed family?

horriblesister Mon 09-Jan-17 18:45:16

I wouldn't say we were emeshed but you are right it's unhealthy. We were both raised with strict roles set by our mother which we have tried to break away from but I can see us slipping back into those roles. I will speak to her about the stuff that's upsetting me and try not to make her happiness my responsibility

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