Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To leave or not to leave?

(22 Posts)
emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 09:34:37

Me and my partner have been together of over three years now and we have a beautiful little girl together and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant but recently we've been arguing like crazy! He keeps going to the pub and not talking to me and when we do talk, we argue! We've broken up at lease twice since the new year! I really don't want to be apart from him but part of me thinks is it for the best? He's told me that he's bored! He's bored of the doing the same thing day in day out!
Please I really need some help!!

hellsbellsmelons Mon 09-Jan-17 10:03:44

He's bored of doing the same thing day in and day out but goes to the pub all the time?
The same pub all the time?
How often?
Because he's not helping himself if that is the case.
What does he want to do?
Does he have a hobby?
Could you do things together?
Cook a nice meal in the evening together.
Watch a film with popcorn etc...
Go to the cinema.
Go out for a nice meal.
Have a games evening where you just keep the TV and play cards or a board game.
It seems he's checked out of the relationship already.
Does he have a problem with drink?

SandyY2K Mon 09-Jan-17 10:52:08

Is he depressed or something?
What would he like to do to prevent the boredom? What's stopping him from doing that?

Was your current pregnancy planned?

It doesn't sound like he's being supportive to you at all.

NavyandWhite Mon 09-Jan-17 10:53:30

That's nice of him hmm
How old is he?

Ilovecaindingle Mon 09-Jan-17 10:56:52

He is bored of having a family when he is going to be a df again?
Tell him you are bored of having a man child instead of a committed responsible partner.
Ask him if the pub has room for a lodger. ..

TheUpsideDown Mon 09-Jan-17 11:00:23

Before deciding to end the relationship I think you both need to sit and talk - agree to no shouting or abusiveness - just talk about what it is he's bored with (the relationship with you or just his life in general) and how he would like to change that. If what he suggests isn't doable or works for both of you then you may need to look at separation. Him going off to bury his head in alcohol won't help. It's not wrong to go to the pub, but if he's going to just drown his sorrows and avoid his responsibilities and/or you then nothing will get better. Clear communication is needed here.

RogueStar01 Mon 09-Jan-17 11:01:11

are these fights caused by you complaining about him going to the pub? Life with small children isn't unfortunately a whirl of adult parties, he sounds very immature. Do you have family support?

emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:06:24

He's 23, I mean he does work all week over 40 hours but In tired of making excuses for him! He says he wants to see his friend which is understandable but i never leave the house anymore never mind have time to go and see friends! I just don't know what to do! My little girl and this pregnancy were both planned l, that was confuses me! Why did he want to start a family with me if he's going to get bored! sad
I've told him I might spend a few days at my mums but I don't know if that's the answer sad

NavyandWhite Mon 09-Jan-17 12:09:12

He's not considering you is he? Do you want that for the rest of your life?

He has to change rapidly.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 09-Jan-17 12:16:27

Is there a reason you never leave the house?
Could you join a baby or toddler group?
Go and visit your family more often?

SandyY2K Mon 09-Jan-17 12:16:31

The space away from him may help you decide what to do.

He can't just say he's bored instead of coming up with ideas. Let him start planning days out for you as a family and couple time as well.

emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:17:43

Thing is when we had our little girl we were so happy! But now she's 14 months old and everything isn't new anymore, I think he's getting bored of everyday life! I just feel like I'm trying so hard and he's just not arsed! sad I just want to make him happy again!

emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:20:07

I moved away from my family to be with him, it's only 1 hour away but when I don't drive and I'm terrified of getting the train with my little girl! I feel like I've gone past going to baby groups plus I haven't got the confidence of going to one on my own sad

NavyandWhite Mon 09-Jan-17 12:20:46

What about him making you happy though?
It's a two way thing. You can't just keep giving and giving. He has to step up.

emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:29:10

Id like to think I'll be happy when he's happy! I think all I need is to feel needed and appreciated but at the moment he's not giving me that! I hope when he get over what ever he's feeling then he can make me happy again!

TheNaze73 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:35:35

You can't pin your happiness on someone else though.

Hope you can make it work but, he really sounds miserable with life

Viviennemary Mon 09-Jan-17 12:42:55

Did you both decide on having another baby? If you were happy before what has changed. It is hard to go to a toddler group or similar when you don't know anybody. But give it a try. Lots of people are shy of going into a group where everyone seems to know each other. Try and go out every day even if it;'s only for 15 minutes or so. Have you a friend you could have an evening out with even if it's only every couple of months.

emilyjayne5 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:58:26

Yeah we both decided to have another baby, my partner wanted a close age gap and I'm a twin so i kinda understood why he did 😂
Is it not too late the start going to baby groups now? My little girl is 14 month old.

The most heartbreaking thing out of all is f this is that we find out the sex tomorrow of this baby, I'm struggling with this pregnancy because all we've done though out it all is argue and I'd hate to bring this baby up with arguing parents!

RogueStar01 Mon 09-Jan-17 13:08:59

it's never too late to go to a playgroup - toddlers get most out of these groups as they like to get out, play with other toys, see other children and do singing. You have to focus on improving your own life, and not worrying about his happiness, that's up to him to sort through.

Viviennemary Mon 09-Jan-17 13:18:13

What Rogue said. You get a chance to meet other people and your DD gets a chance to mix with other children and play with different toys. And totally agree you should focus on your own happiness and not worry too much about his. Some couples argue a lot. We do

If you were brought up in a home where there weren't many arguments then it's difficult. Sometimes arguing is better than a great build up of resentment. Which leads to those sad stories of he/she left and I had no idea there was anything wrong.

TaylorP1234 Mon 09-Jan-17 18:24:12

He's bored doing the same stuff all the time!! Well that's life I'm afraid! Sit him down and tell him that when the new baby comes he can get up in the middle of the night to feed he can do all the chores and he can take your daughter to toddler group. You can go out. Don't tell him where u are and just be an arsehole like he is!! There's a change for him!

PurpleToeNails Mon 09-Jan-17 18:36:13

Just a brief reply to your comment about not being confident to go to a mother and bag :/ mums and toddlers group on your own... I wonder if you have HomeStart locally. If so, it might be worth checking out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now