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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex in laws

91 replies

Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 18:57

Hey everyone not been here in a while!

Anyways just kinda looking for a hand holding!
My ex left a year ago and it's been a bloody hard year! Through giving birth and battles with him over the house we both own together. So anyways I have managed to get a mortgage for the house on my own.( smug face it's the icing on the cake). But my ex's parents gave us a little bit of money as a gift (5000). We put the rest towards the house. They are now asking for the 5000 back I can't get any extra money and can't afford to get a loan. Me and the kids have been living in the house me paying the all the bills etc etc. So now they are coming over to my house tomorrow to discuss it :( he wants his name off the mortgage which is fair enough.
I don't know why I'm putting this online I think more just to get it out of me as I'm terrified

OP posts:

Report

kittybiscuits · 08/01/2017 18:59

Tell them you can't return a gift and they will not be welcome to come round. Cheeky bastards!

Crispbutty · 08/01/2017 19:00

I doubt they can ask for a gift back, however you really do need to see a solicitor for professional advice

Elllicam · 08/01/2017 19:00

I wouldn't be giving it back either. How long ago did they give you it?

MycatsaPirate · 08/01/2017 19:00

It was a gift? Then they can't have it back.

Unless you signed something to agree that it was a loan then tell them that they simply won't be getting it back because as far as you were concerned it was gifted to you both. The fact that their son has walked out is neither here nor there and any financial dealings between you and him are just that, nothing to do with them.

Don't be pushed into agreeing you will pay the money back. If they get hostile then tell them to leave and then block contact with them.

BarbarianMum · 08/01/2017 19:03

What are you terrified of? If it was a gift then they can't make you pay it back, just say you will when you are able to (this might be years). Is your ex paying child maintenance? If not, point that out to them.

Thinking about it, youdont have to meet with them at all unless you want to.

Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:04

The gift was given nearly 4 years ago now! When they gave us it they had to write a letter and sign it for the mortgage company to say they have no financial ties to the property.
It's so frustrating they put up a fight for money but can't be bothered to come see the kids!

OP posts:

Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:07

Terrified of meeting with them as I'm still not 100% emotionally stable after councilling and that but that's my problem. I always cave and go with everyone else and what they want because I feel like if I don't they won't try with the kids. I done it with their son even up until now to try and get him to see the kids as he's missed the first year of our daughters life I've pretty much begged him to see the kids and still no joy!

OP posts:

watchoutformybutt · 08/01/2017 19:11

I would cancel them coming. If you're not feeling totally confident and stable they'll just manipulate you or intimidate you into agreeing.
Say "I'm afraid I'll have to cancel the meeting. The money was given as a gift. Discuss this further with your son." Don't give them a chance to bully you.

Ilovecaindingle · 08/01/2017 19:12

What was the wording of the letter?
Show them a copy if it is written in your favour.
If not offer £1 a week. . Ex can also offer a quid - it was a joint gift?!

Hidingtonothing · 08/01/2017 19:14

I agree with PP's, it was a gift and they're being unfair in asking for it back now. Legally they don't have a leg to stand on if there was never an agreement drawn up for it to be paid back and morally they're being arseholes for asking. I would let them come round and simply tell them you understood the money to be a gift and that in any case you simply don't have it and finances are stretched to the point where you can't afford to get or pay back a loan or pay them back in instalments.

If they attempt to argue or, for instance, imply that you should sell the house in order to find the money I would point out that it's their DGC they would be hurting and would hope they had the decency to feel thoroughly ashamed they had even asked.

Ultimately you would be well within your rights to just stick to the line that they have absolutely no legal recourse here and leave it at that but I'm just trying to cover all the possible angles they might come at this from.

RacoonBandit · 08/01/2017 19:14

Cancel them coming. You have no reason to put yourself through this.

Do not let them or him control you.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/01/2017 19:16

See a solicitor about the money.

Don't see them if you don't want to and they'll upset you.

I'd be telling them to ask their son for the money.

Also with regards transferring mortgage to your sole name you can make an agreement in court that you will do so when you can. I did, however as twatface took all money that was in the joint account before I realised and remortgaged our house taking that money too. I've not been able to yet. And to be honest I'm not terribly panicked about it. House however is in my sole name now as part of the divorce settlement.

BratFarrarsPony · 08/01/2017 19:17

I wouldnt even let them come round. tell them to discuss it with their son.

JustSpeakSense · 08/01/2017 19:18

How awful for you.

I'd be inclined to tell them as it was a gift to both you and your ex, they can ask him for £2500 back, however your half is tied up in the house and you will happily return it when you sell the property (but not planning off selling for many years).

I'd also remind them that the money given has been put into a home for their grandchildren.

And keep repeating that you don't have the money, can't afford to return your half of the gift, have to feed and cloth their grandchildren etc.

They sound like bastards. And are grasping at straws.

Dontjudgeme1 · 08/01/2017 19:18

Sorry to read about your situation. Is there a friend or a family member who could be with you, when they come round? So you have some support and also, they are a witness, if your not confident on being on your own with them.

mirokarikovo · 08/01/2017 19:18

My (non-ex) in laws also had a very formal letter drawn up when they gave us money to buy a home about 12 years ago. It had to be very clear that it was an unconditional gift. You should not have to pay it back, and shame on them for pursuing the return of the money as if they were successful it would be to the detriment of their own grandchildren. Let them know that you are not available for discussions tomorrow or any other day and the matter is not up for negotiation.

Hidingtonothing · 08/01/2017 19:19

Yep, in light of your later posts cancel the meeting, you don't need to put yourself through it and it doesn't sound like you're in any fit state to stand up to them. FWIW I think they're utter bastards for pressuring you and for putting money before their DGC. for you OP and an un-mumsnetty hug.

JustSpeakSense · 08/01/2017 19:20

Agree with having someone with you as a witness.

Catinthecorner · 08/01/2017 19:20

They gave you a gift. They can't ask for it back. Simply don't engage with them. 'I'm sorry but you'll have to discuss that with Ex' repeat as often as required.

Don't invite them in. Don't discuss it with them.

JanuaryMoods · 08/01/2017 19:21

Cancel, you owe them nothing.

ChuckSnowballs · 08/01/2017 19:23

I'd cancel, tell them that you cannot discuss it and have been advised to speak to your solicitor and not to meet with them without a witness present.

Don't let them wipe that smile on your face off. It is probably driven by him.

Brollsdolls · 08/01/2017 19:23

I would definitely cancel them coming - sounds like the last thing you need. Do not pay the money back - it was a gift 4 years ago.

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Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:27

The wording of the letter was we (there name) give the gift of 5000 to (our names) as part of their deposit. We have no financial ties to the property then they signed it.

I have explained I can't afford to give them the money and I can't get a loan either as this will effect the mortgage. We only had 9000 paid towards the house (deposit including the 5000) when he left. I need the conversation to happen as I need a letter from him to state I can take over the deeds/mortgage

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 08/01/2017 19:28

Text them to cancel and tell them you've had advice that you are not required to repay a gift (which has helped to provide a roof over their son and grandchildren's heads for four years). You owe them nothing.

QTpah2T · 08/01/2017 19:31

Do not let them come to your home and intimidate you.

They gave that money to their son, do you think they would have given you a penny had you not been with him? Tell them if they want that money back to get it from their son. I bet they wouldn't take a penny from him. If you had stayed with their son would they be asking for the money back?

Do not give them a bloody penny! You don't owe them and there isn't anything they could do about it!

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