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relationship breakdown - should I make contact?

(9 Posts)
unicornsIlovethem Sun 08-Jan-17 11:34:30

My DB is leaving DSIL. They have been having difficulties for a while, but the end has come as a huge shock to everyone, especially DSIL.

DB has said that no one should contact her, and she has blocked everyone from FB, but should I send her a message saying "I'm so sorry, please let me know if we can help you and the children". Do you think this would be helpful, or would it be better to take the hints and stay out of it.

FWIW, they've been together for 20+ years so she has been part of the family for a very long time.

SandyY2K Sun 08-Jan-17 11:39:30

I had a similar situation with my DB.

I called my SIL and went over to chat. Unfortunately they still got divorced. Sheis the mother of my niece andnephew and I'll always respect that.

Reach out and if she declines, at least you tried.

If people chime in saying to keep out and mind your own business, just ignore. That's quite typical on here.

TwitterQueen1 Sun 08-Jan-17 11:40:00

I would send the message. I don't believe your DB gets to tell you not to. After 20+ years she's hardly a stranger.

And no matter what the circumstances, things are never black and white and one person is never (excluding abuse, violence, drugs etc) 100% at fault.

forumdonkey Sun 08-Jan-17 11:41:02

Personally I would. My SIL, who I'd never been particularly close to was very supportive of me and her support meant a lot at the time. Different circumstances because my exh was arrested and charged for DV against me, but if it was me I would reach out to her and just let her know.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 08-Jan-17 11:41:52

It isn't up to your dB to decide how you handle their split.
The kids are part of your family so why keep away?

JustSpeakSense Sun 08-Jan-17 11:49:05

You've known her 20 years and is the mother of your nieces/nephews, of course you should contact her.

SandyY2K Sun 08-Jan-17 11:52:40

Is he afraid she'll tell you something he doesn't want you to know?
I know my brother wasn't crazy about me contacting SIL, but I told him, I wasn't having their kids think we didn't care about their mother.

I would still meet up with her afterwards, but she started pulling back when my DB met someone else. I think it was too painful and she'd hoped for a possible reconciliation.

jules179 Sun 08-Jan-17 11:54:09

I think that the message you are thinking of sounding seems lovely, I would also be concerned about why your brother seems to be determined that you don't hear her side of the story.

unicornsIlovethem Sun 08-Jan-17 12:07:04

Thank you - I will try!

I don't want to hurt her anymore than she already has been, but I guess at least she can lash out at me if she wants to.

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