I have posted previously about the breakdown of my marriage after 12 years. There was a lot of emotional abuse, at times physical, and last summer I finally plucked up the courage to tell him it was over and I wanted out. He moved out in September.
We have three DCs. For their sakes more than anything, we have been trying to keep things civil. His parents came to stay a couple of weeks back so the DCs have been spending more time at his house with them, which I don't mind as they live abroad, but it has also meant a lot of time on my own to sit and dwell (no surviving family of my own).
The opportunity of babysitters means the ex has been round on several occasion- he has said he felt sorry for me and he didn't want me on my own. It gave us a chance to talk, a chance to go through our problems and see what went so wrong, and I actually thought that with help from us both, that in time, there may be a reconciliation. We had started to laugh again, talk about hopes and dreams and cuddle- mainly because I spent a lot of time crying, and it felt nice to have back the person who knew me better than anybody else.
Yesterday we went for a walk, had something to eat, but I had to return home early as I was in a lot of pain- my stomach had ballooned and I was very uncomfortable. Once he brought me home, he started to cuddle me and try to take things further. I told him there was no chance- not only could he see how much pain I was in, I wasn't ready for that step so soon. I then laid on the settee and he sat next to me, rubbing my stomach, but every so often would put his hands in my PJ bottoms to try and touch me. I warned him time and again until he flipped, saying that he had told me he was ok about us not having sex, but what was wrong with him touching me there- that he has gone 6 months without sex since we split and that I was selfish because it was always about what I wanted. He slammed the door and left.
I felt physically repulsed at him thinking he could do as he pleased. There is however a bigger issue. I am normally a girl with a fairly high libido, but the thought of ever getting physical with him again makes me squirm. I have put it down to the way he made me feel both emotionally and mentally all these years- could that be it? I felt used because he would call me every name under the sun, but yet want to sleep with me.
Being so alone hurts, but I can't ever go back to a relationship with him- I realised that yesterday
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Is this sexual abuse or am I overreacting?
26 replies
fivetosix · 08/01/2017 09:15
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