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Friend issue: have i really forgiven her?

(4 Posts)
MsMMMPPP Sat 07-Jan-17 18:27:42

Last year an old friend fell out with me but instead of telling me what I'd done, even when I asked her, she just became rude and very stand offish until she was became so unbearable I stopped making contact with her. We live in different towns but she has family and friends where i live, including mutual friends, and she visits a few times a year. Last time she was here I deliberately kept out of her way, but she goes to group social events I'm part of so this meant giving up bits of my social life whilst she was around. She seemed to have no problem going to places where I might be.

In my head I've forgiven her for being horrible to me, I don't know what was going on in her life at the time and I don't want to carry around bad feelings towards her as we shared a lot of good times, but I still can't bring myself to spend any time with her. She's due to visit again at the end of the month and i'm already planning avoidance strategies. I guess my question is, is it really forgiveness if I'm not prepared to interact with her and see if things have changed?

category12 Sat 07-Jan-17 18:29:50

Well no, because you haven't resolved anything.

But you need to stop letting it affect where you go and what you do.

TheSparrowhawk Sat 07-Jan-17 18:30:22

Does it matter? You clearly don't want to rekindle the friendship and that's fine. If she won't talk to you then there's no way to clear it up really. You may feel differently in the future but for now it's ok to stay out of her way as long as that's not causing you more angst than it needs to.

mereswinesaliva Sun 08-Jan-17 15:33:16

It sounds to me as if you have forgiven her, but you dislike the awkwardness caused by her behaviour around you. You (understandably) want to avoid that. In fact, you are making life easy for her by disappearing. Maybe that's too forgiving!

There is nothing more you can do if she won't discuss or give you the chance to explain your side. You can forgive, but it takes two to mend bridges.

I think you've really done all you can. The question you need to answer is - should I have to rearrange my life around this ex-friend or will I let myself start living my old life again without worrying any further about the situation?

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