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Friends who create one sided convo

(8 Posts)
Pandora88 Sat 07-Jan-17 13:01:49

I'm having a bit of an awkward experience with a some of friends. There are three of them, they like to keep in touch and every now and again send me messages. My natural response is fairly standard, I go over any new developments (I can get quite excited about things and possibly go on a bit) and then always ask them "how have you been" etc in return.

The thing is I hardly never get any response to this, they just comment back on what I said re: my life. I'm not sure if they realise but this creates a very awkward convo dynamic and causes any interaction to taper off quite quickly.

I'm not British and this is also not my first language, the ladies who act this way are all white middle class English and I wonder whether it is a cultural thing?

It's not a major problem in my life but just curious! Whenever they tell me anything about their life I try to remember and ask more specific questions but it just seems so hard getting anything out of them. I don't get why they make it so difficult?

buzzlightyearsdinosaur Sat 07-Jan-17 14:47:33

I clicked on this thread because I have a friend who talks so much that it ends up very one sided. I'm lucky if I get a word in and often when I do she manages to turn it back round to her and off she goes again. She is really lovely and like spending time with her but I often don't really open up as I sort of don't see the point.

When you see or text your friends could it be worth asking them how they are first? Just make really sure that you are not ruining away with yourself (you may well not be but it may be worth checking)?

I'm not sure about a cultural thing but when learning letter writing or how to make phone calls my parents always taught me to ask the other persons news first, a helpful thing if you are busting with some fabulous news and they have just found out some bad news.

Pandora88 Sat 07-Jan-17 18:09:07

@buzz Thanks! I will try that approach - perhaps I do unwittingly contribute to making these conversations one-sided.

But still I think it's a bit weird/rude of them not to even answer a "but how about you?" / "how are you?" question.

neolara Sat 07-Jan-17 18:15:54

I agree with Buzzlightyear.. I sometimes behave like that with people who talk about themselves so much and show so little interest in what I do say, that frankly I don't see the point of telling them anything. Maybe make more effort to show interest in your friends before telling them all about you, and when then do talk, make sure you're looking and sounding interested..

TheSparrowhawk Sat 07-Jan-17 18:35:43

I have an acquaintance who is very chatty, lots to say. She will ask how I am but as soon as I answer she's waiting to jump in with her own (long) story. So I don't both answering, it's just too annoying, it's easier to let her talk (and talk and talk).

Are you sure you're not doing the same thing?

Maybe next time, don't say anything, ask them straight away about themselves and if they ask about you keep turning it back on to them - see what happens?

crunched Sat 07-Jan-17 18:54:22

A friend of mine, also from a different cultural background, might accuse me of not sharing my life with her but the truth is, her life is just so much more entertaining than mine. She has a large, exuberant family, travels extensively and generally a lot of fun in life. She does ask how things are with me but TBH stories of my ailing, elderly Mother, hassle with my teens etc would just bring the conversation down. I would rather revel in her jolly company.
Keep asking how they are doing but the fact they keep in touch illustrates they like you. smile

Pandora88 Sat 07-Jan-17 19:05:15

@theSparrow...

I have been wanting to do that for a while (keep on turning convo back to them) but always feared it'd come across slightly passive-aggressive. I know it would amongst my non-British friends. In my culture not answering a simple "how are you" and not fully participating in convo is equivalent to shutting someone out.

Pandora88 Sat 07-Jan-17 19:07:00

@crunched

You sound like a super sweet person and a lovely friend! I'm sure your life is more exciting than you give it credit for ❤️

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