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DH kissed someone else...

(73 Posts)
Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:19:30

Just found out my DH has kissed someone else at work. He only told me as they've been threatening to tell me. Feel.completley blindside. We've had a lot.of problems with his depression causing major issues in our relationship but I've stuck by him. Now feel a complete mug. Don't know what to do. We've been together 8 years married for 4 and have a 3 year old DD....
So number right now

Bluntness100 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:20:23

Who has been threatening to tell uou? Are you sure it's just a kiss?

Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:21:40

Numb not.number

Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:22:08

The woman has been threatening to. He says so but I don't know if I can trust that

ImperialBlether Fri 06-Jan-17 18:22:56

I'd be very surprised if a kiss is all that happened, OP. I'm really sorry. It sounds as though there's an affair and she's threatening to tell you if he doesn't.

What were the major issues in your relationship before?

Joysmum Fri 06-Jan-17 18:24:08

So he says the woman has been threatening him to tell. With respect, how can you trust anything he says.

Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:24:36

His depression. Moodiness etc. We've just begun to get through them...now this

Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:25:10

Exactly joy and imperial...I can't trust it now

QuiteLikely5 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:25:23

I doubt any sane person would threaten to do this over a snog! More like something rather different has been going on and your dp has been told 'tell her or I will' now this may be a friend or family member or perhaps he told this colleague he would be leaving you for her.........more like an affair than a kiss well in my opinion anyway

Bluntness100 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:26:23

He snogged a woman once and she's threatening to tell you? That sounds highly unlikely, although clearly she could have issues and it's true,

More likely he's been having an affair , making promises to leave you and the Ow has now called his bluff. Sorry. But there it is.

dontpokethebear Fri 06-Jan-17 18:30:22

I'm inclined to agree with the others I'm afraid. Did it happen during a bout of depression?
Perhaps tell him that has until X to tell you everything. Anything else that comes out after that will result in......?

ohfourfoxache Fri 06-Jan-17 18:34:07

I'm so sorry Lolly but I'm firmly in the "it wasn't just a kiss" camp. He will minimise- tell you the very least that he think he'll get away with.

Have you got any RL support? Anyone who could come over to be with you?

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:34:15

If it was just a kiss why are they threatening to tell you? Sorry Sounds like there was s bit more to it.
Please don't feel like a mug you have only done what the rest of us would do in your circumstances which is love and support someone going through a bad time.
I'm not trying to exscuse what he has done but you need more information. Does he usually have a wandering eye?

rosabug Fri 06-Jan-17 18:34:26

some quite harsh and blunt comments here. I feel for you, however whenever someone has strayed they will always seek to minimise. I suggest you quietly tell him that you need to know everything to move forward or you will speak to the woman in question yourself. It doesn't mean you and he are over, but if you don't get this out it will fester.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:36:10

Oh and yes he will say she's mad etc that is to try and justify her 'lies' when she tells you what's really been going on

Bluntness100 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:37:46

Tell him you want to meet the woman, then you'll know, if he's being honest and it was just a kiss, he will give you her details, other wise he won't.

ElspethFlashman Fri 06-Jan-17 18:37:47

No way does someone threaten to blow a family apart over a kiss.

Beware of his depression being used now to cast you in the"saving him from himself" role.

FatOldBag Fri 06-Jan-17 18:40:47

Can you contact this woman yourself (by text, email or FB?) and tell her your dh has told you about what happened between him and her, but you'd like to hear what happened from her point of view, from beginning to end. DON'T tell him you're going to do this as he may then try to agree a story with her. I very much doubt it was just a kiss - they don't come from nowhere, it takes a long time to build up to that, and if she's threatening to tell then it's likely there's much more that's happened than snogging. x

Adora10 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:46:19

No, nobody normal would threaten over a kiss for goodness sake, he's told you that, you need to speak to her OP, doubt he's going to fess up, he'll use his depression as an excuse probably, seen it so many times, they are so down but yet manage to get it up.

Sorry I could be way off the mark but this sounds like a woman scorned.

Lolly86 Fri 06-Jan-17 19:38:04

He had sex with her. Feel sick and numb

ohfourfoxache Fri 06-Jan-17 19:41:36

Oh Christ, I'm so sorry thanks

LavenderDoll Fri 06-Jan-17 19:53:12

so sorry
hope you have someone there with you in rl

Ilovecaindingle Fri 06-Jan-17 19:54:57

Please please don't accept his depression as an excuse. . It is an illness not a get out of being a twat card.
You deserve more and you know it. . And so does your child.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Fri 06-Jan-17 20:03:58

I'm very sorry flowers
What do you want to happen now?
Please don't let him use depression as an excuse as that's just bullshit. I couldn't get past this-he's only told you because his hand was forced so he's not even remorseful, I'm sorry.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Fri 06-Jan-17 20:05:32

Perhaps ask him to leave for the moment to give you time to think & explore your options, you don't have to make any decisions until you're ready, you call the shots from here on.

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