Ex not paying overdue CSA - but covering son's car cost

[Zaphodsotherhead]

To cut a long story short, although all my kids are now adult, my ex husband (high earner, remarried, owns home) still has to pay me just over £200 a month, to repay a £30,000 debt when he didn't pay maintenance AT ALL for most of the children's growing up. So I lived in desperate poverty when they were small and the CSA have told him to pay this money for around 15 years until the debt is repaid.

My son has taken over his sister's lease car, but he's still at university so his dad is covering the payments until he leaves (he has a guaranteed job from May, so will be able to start paying himself then), So ex has stopped paying me my money, even though the car costs are around £50 a month less than he owes.

What do I do? I am completely skint and relied on that £200 to top up my pathetic NMW so I could afford, you know, food, rent all that, so I couldn't afford to help pay for the car. My son needs the car and I'm grateful that his dad agreed to help out. I don't want to rock the boat and have him stomp around going 'fine, you have your money and I won't pay for the car'...so what do I do?

[magoria]

Go back to the CSA.

He is being an arse to get out of paying you and is paying less than he should.

As an adult your DS should understand that he cannot have a car if he cannot fund it, his dad pays extra on top or he gets a part-time job if possible to cover it.

How has your DS taken over the lease with no job or income? Does he need a lease car at £200 a month or a 1 off cheap banger for now for little more than that?

[category12]

Wait until May and then go after him?

I realise it's not very helpful, but I don't think you can afford to rely on him paying what he owes you, so you need to find ways of improving your situation yourself. I don't think you should stop going after him, but you need a better job or to rearrange your finances somehow.

[AyeAmarok]

If the car is £50 less, then you'd be better off if he paid you the arrears amount and you paid for the car.

So if he threatens that, that's still better than the alternative?

[SadTrombone]

AyeAmarok < exactly

So he's paying for his sons car. That's nice! Doesn't mean he gets out of paying his debt to you though.

Straight to the CSA if I were you pet

[BellyBean]

Your son 'needs' the car but sounds like you need the cash more. Sorry son, you get to be priority for once, he'll need to figure out a solution.

[Ilovecaindingle]

A car isn't a necessity when you 'need' to feed and clothe your ds. .
Back to csa.

[spaghettiforhair]

Surely him paying you off a debt owed to you from non payment of CSA money has nothing to do with him paying for your sons car? That's his decision to pay for it, he's not doing you a favour, that's an agreement between your son and his father separate from the debt he owes.

[Trifleorbust]

He owes the money to you, not to your son. Your son wasn't paying his own bills when he was growing up

[abbsisspartacus]

He still needs to pay his debt to you despite paying his son money that has nothing to do with you he still owes you

Can you go to court over this?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Thanks, everyone, for the advice - sorry I couldn't get back here earlier. My son doesn't need the car right now, but he will in May, if my daughter (who leased it and now lives in Australia) has to sell it it's going to be a pain to sort out, plus she may come back and need the car (we live very rurally). So we wanted to keep it and son only has a few months of Uni left (he's studying accountancy and also working, but can't afford the lease as well as other expenses). I agree that the CSA debt and the car payment are two separate things, but I don't think his father sees it that way? Court is out of the question (he wouldn't attend), but I think I'll give the CSA (or whatever they are called now) a prod. Thanks again for your advice, all of you!