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Looking for retorts to passive aggressive mother

(22 Posts)
allgoodnamestaken Thu 05-Jan-17 19:41:35

Always end up irked after speaking with her. What's the best way to deal with the constant criticism/controlling behaviour? e.g. 'I thought you'd have phoned your brother', 'I thought you were getting a new kitchen', 'I thought you'd visit on Sunday'.
It's exhausting. If I never hear 'I thought' again I'll be happy.
She is quite sensitive so telling her to stop with the I thought wouldn't be well received.

LineyReborn Thu 05-Jan-17 19:45:42

My dad was 'Well, i would have thought that you would have wanted ... '

It's hard to explain to those who haven't had a lifetime of it.

RubyPumps Thu 05-Jan-17 19:46:57

Answer every comment with a curious smile and the simple question "Why?" Followed by silence. Do it every time.

Let her explain herself and she'll soon stop.

MatildaTheCat Thu 05-Jan-17 19:51:04

'Did you? No.'

End of discussion.

KonMarieMyCrapAway Thu 05-Jan-17 19:55:46

Yes, ask why. Either just 'why' or something more like 'oh really, what made you think that?'

And / or answer the question with neutral, unapologetic fact. So not 'oh yes I was going to phone him but I've been really busy', but 'no I haven't phoned him recently'.

She's relying on you playing the game she's setting with her subtext. She implies a criticism and you respond to that. If you respond to her as though she's being very literal and honest, it completely undermines her game.

Mellowautumn Thu 05-Jan-17 20:02:54

'You thought wrong then didn't you ' in a pleasant tone with a smile smile everytime x

NotTheFordType Thu 05-Jan-17 20:09:07

How about "I thought you'd have dropped dead by now, but you've always been disappointing."

allgoodnamestaken Thu 05-Jan-17 20:14:04

I thought you'd have all come up with something better......
Ha ha.
Will try your suggestions. Thanks

AndTheBandPlayedOn Thu 05-Jan-17 20:52:37

"Think again".

NameSux Thu 05-Jan-17 20:59:41

"I thought you'd know me better by know" would be my ho go to response

PuellaEstCornelia Thu 05-Jan-17 21:03:12

' Really?' In a very bored voice

c3pu Thu 05-Jan-17 21:23:51

"what makes you think that?"

Ellisandra Thu 05-Jan-17 22:00:46

"Sorry, did you say something?"

"Well, that was a classic blunder" (particularly suitable for Princess Bride fans). fgrin

Leanin15yearsmaybe Thu 05-Jan-17 22:09:06

Yay to name.

I get this all the time and just answer with "I'd have thought you would have known me better by now" saccharine smile/head tilt

Leanin15yearsmaybe Thu 05-Jan-17 22:10:03

Doesn't stop it happening mind you hmm

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast Thu 05-Jan-17 22:11:12

No, I can see why, but I thought I'd try something: more original , else, that makes me happier.

All that thinking about what I'm thinking. I'm not thinking you're thinking about what I'm thinking, I think you think I think what you're thinking, but I'm thinking something else. I think.

abbsisspartacus Thu 05-Jan-17 22:15:11

Well you know what thought did

Then change the subject

Irritated the shot out of everyone when I was growing up

LineyReborn Thu 05-Jan-17 22:18:56

I used to get, 'Well i would have thought that you of all people... '

... would love Boris Johnson Fuck no
... would want to donate to the NCPCC's Campaign For Panicked Horror And Angst Not really
... would enjoy a massive lunch at 12.00 comprising 7,000 calories of large fish and chips and batter in lard, oh and I got one for your toddler too, now sit down and eat up, it was very expensive, no I couldn't eat anything, it's too early for me, what's wrong with toddler, why isn't he tucking in, when I was his age ...

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Thu 05-Jan-17 22:21:05

Agree with asking why. Don't go along with it.

Silverdream Thu 05-Jan-17 22:33:41

Or just say 'oh really' and say nothing else. Why is a question and leads to an answer on her part. Closed answer is better. Then stay silent.

faithinthesound Thu 05-Jan-17 22:51:25

Have you ever read Captain Awkward? She's got a bunch of scripts and ideas for dealing with situations like this.

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