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Advice on what to do when DC don't want to see NRP anymore?

(3 Posts)
Toddzoid Thu 05-Jan-17 12:56:27

Separated from exH 18 months ago. DC are now almost 7, 5 and 4. ExH moved in with his new partner and her two DC (8 and 4) about a month after the split. DC started going to stay over there every Saturday a month later.

There's a couple of issues really. First one being my dc seem to have a lot of conflict with exH's dp's eight year old son whom I can only say is quite a bully judging by what my DC have told me. I have confronted exH numerous times about it, he hasn't denied the behaviour and said he'd sort it but DC have continued to complain.

Second and probably main issue is that the house is a small two bedroom and in turn is very overcrowded. Obviously it's only one night a week but there's five children in one small bedroom. My ds has to top and tail with the 8 year old boy he doesn't really get along with and my DD's are on a mattress on the floor. ExH also has only taken them out maybe three times in 18 months. They just sit in the house for the day they're there.

For the past 5-6 months when the DC have returned they've been extremely unsettled for about a day. DS has an attitude, answering back and such which is extremely out of character and DD's just seem very worn out, throwing tantrums etc. They all groan and complain when I remind them exH will be collecting them and have said a few times that they don't wish to go.

One weekend a month exH has to work the Sunday so he collects them 6:30 pm Saturday as usual but drops them at 10am Sunday meaning he only really sees them for a couple of hours. This weekend is one of those weekends so I asked the DC if they wanted to go, DS threw his arms around me quite excitably and exclaimed "so I don't have to go?!" with a big grin on his face. DD's both shrugged and said they'd rather not bother going. I text exH basically to tell him they didn't want to go and also to say there's little point uprooting and unsettling them for the sake of a couple of hours sitting in his house. This was Tuesday and he hasn't replied.

They obviously aren't extremely happy going but I don't want to stop exH's contact, I just want them to be happy and what's best for them. There's no compromise to be made with exH either. I've tried to ask if he could maybe take the DC out just him and them sometimes since he's never once done that, he won't. They never go anywhere, just play in his house every weekend.

Feel at a loss really... ?

mrssapphirebright Thu 05-Jan-17 14:39:55

I'm afraid there is not a lot you can do. If you have tried talking to exh and he is not willing to see your point of view then you cannot force him to take them out / move into a bigger house etc. he can and will parent the dc as he wishes in his time. If he can't see your point of view then sadly he won't do anything.

if he continues to want / ask for contact then you will just have to put up with it i'm afraid. If you withold contact then he can tale you to court to get access, it may be (and don't quote me on this) that you may have a case of him not having the dc overnight due to inadequate living / sleeping arrangements. As i understand it, if he takes the issue to court for overnight access then he has to prove he has adequate sleepign arnagements in place for the dc )my dh took his exw to court for access to his dc so i know the process - they did a report on the suitability of our house and sleeping arrangements of the dc).

I would imagine that a mattress / airbed on the floor per child would surfice, but not bed sharing with other dc, especially his partners dc.

SandyY2K Thu 05-Jan-17 17:07:47

If he's not spending quality time with them, what's the point really. Especially this particular weekend.

I fear their memories when they get older, will be cramped up in the bedroom and just dred at going there.

I remember when my DB was getting divorced .... I told him to make sure the DC had bedrooms and felt comfortable in his place or they'd resent going.

Now they actually prefer his place to their mums.

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