Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

(1000 Posts)
shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 11:47:45

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

KinkyAfro Thu 05-Jan-17 11:50:37

Eek, sounds like a bit much too soon, declaring love after a month.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 05-Jan-17 11:51:49

He's using your Netflix but won't respond to texts.
Change your password immediately.
Stop texting him.
He's ghosting you now, I would suggest.
See if he comes to you.
If not, then write if off as a lesson learnt and don't be having random men staying at your place for days when you've only just met!
That's odd behaviour on your part.

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 11:55:34

I know we moved really fast, I wasn't expecting it. He was even talking about when we would be moving in together etc. If he was ghosting me, I would say he would take the relationship status off Facebook too. He hasn't actually read the messages or been online so I don't understand. I know saying love you is pretty soon but he says he's never been this happy before.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 05-Jan-17 12:10:07

Well then I'd just wait it out.
He's well enough to be on Netflix then he's well enough to read your messages and respond.
See how it goes but don't chase him.

Christmassnake Thu 05-Jan-17 12:14:19

Change password to Netflix,perhaps he will contact you to ask what is....

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:16:07

I know what you're saying and that's all I can really do lol! It takes 30 seconds to respond to someone

TheGiantSausage Thu 05-Jan-17 12:16:15

Surely if it was genuine love, you'd know where you stand? I think it's moved all too quickly and I'm not convinced you can know somebody well enough to love them after 4 weeks (I know there are differing opinions on this but IMO real love takes longer than a month to develop).
I hope it turns out okay for you and he genuinely is just a bit unwell.... Can you call him and go and see him? That's what I'd do if my boyfriend was ill.

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:17:13

Not a bad idea Christmassnake! I wouldn't mind him using it but I couldn't watch anything AND I haven't heard from him

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:20:08

TheGiantSausage, I know what you're saying and as far as I am aware we are in a relationship and both happy! This behaviour is totally out of character, we used to text and call all the time. I know you can't keep that up everyday but once a day at least would be nice. I was thinking of visiting him but then I don't want to come across as needy and clingy either.

Littlejayx Thu 05-Jan-17 12:21:11

You can't even watch netflix to take your mind off it! :-(

Kidnapped Thu 05-Jan-17 12:21:16

This is really simple. You know that, right?

You met him less than a month ago.

Judge him by his actions (using your Netflix but not responding to your communications), not his words (I love you, when can we move in together?).

Change your password and leave it. He knows where you live (because he's stayed there loads) if he can ever be arsed to get back in touch.

loobyloo1234 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:25:57

He hasn't read your texts? Is this on whatsapp? He hasn't blocked you has he? If one tick, he may well have done. I would be changing my Netflix password also

tiej Thu 05-Jan-17 12:29:45

You say that this behaviour is totally out of character, but it might not be.

SparklyMagpie Thu 05-Jan-17 12:30:10

In love after a month, him talking of moving in together, him not responding but using your Netflix...

Oh dear OP, you've moved WAY too fast! You might have spoke to each other every day but can you honestly say you know him? confused

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:31:11

His actions and words have matched up since the day we met. This is really out of character for him. That's why I'm hoping he's just genuinely not feeling well.

He hasn't blocked me on whatsapp. His last time online was when he text me on Tuesday and my messages have two ticks.

SparklyMagpie Thu 05-Jan-17 12:31:45

And tbh I've already got the feeling that no matter what we say, you'll shrug it off anyway blush

You two don't know each other, so how you can say it's really out of character when you've only known each other a month

How old are you both btw?

TheGiantSausage Thu 05-Jan-17 12:32:17

I think this is part of the problem with fast relationships though, not wanting to appear clingy or needy whereas if you take your time, you're not really concerned about how you might appear.
For example, my boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half, I am 100% myself with him, I don't over think my actions or how I'll appear because I know that we're genuinely in love and that nothing I do will scare him away.
Whereas when you jump into a relationship so fast, this sort of thing throws you because you are still on your best behaviour and trying not to show any flaws.
I'm not being critical, obviously you've been really happy for the last month (and hopefully this is just a little misunderstanding and you'll continue to be happy), I just think it must be difficult to be in a very established, quite intense relationship and get over little hurdles like these because you're not yet comfortable enough to ask him what's going on.

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:33:12

I know we moved so fast! It was mostly him with all the ideas and meeting family. I even spent New Year's Eve with him and his mum. She said I was the best thing to ever happen him which was pretty nice to hear.

loobyloo1234 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:34:41

If he hasn't read them yet, maybe he genuinely is ill? Surely if he was ghosting you, he'd of blocked and deleted you on everything?

Change your Netflix password and wait it out. If he does ghost you, you've had a lucky escape OP. Esp this early on

shenry25 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:35:16

TheGiantSausage, you are right! I don't want to question him and come across as clingy as hell so I'm just leaving it. Especially if he genuinely isn't feeling well then 20 questions is going to really annoy him.

Kidnapped Thu 05-Jan-17 12:35:18

The intense relationship for a month and then dump might very much be in his character. Maybe he does it a lot.

You've not lent him any money have you? The brazen Netflix thing just suggests sponger to me.

TheNaze73 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:39:58

He sounds like most people's worst nightmare.

How anyone can know that they love someone after a month is beyond me. Massive red flag. And the Netflix issue. Sponger! Another red flag.

Kick him in to touch, he's a wrong un'

Skang Thu 05-Jan-17 12:41:06

Have you changed the Netflix password?

OliviaStabler Thu 05-Jan-17 12:41:20

* If he was ghosting me, I would say he would take the relationship status off Facebook too.*

Not while he is getting free Netflix.

This thread is not accepting new messages.