Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is my male friend crossing the line?

(14 Posts)
User24601 Thu 05-Jan-17 11:47:36

Hello

Name changed yada yada yada. I had made a friend online through a popular video game. We are both in our late 20s. We've been talking most days for several months and have become pretty close. He doesn't have any living family and very few irl friends. He has an on again/off again girlfriend. I am married.

Recently however, I worry that for him it's becoming more than friendship. Certain messages he's sent make me certain that his feelings have changed, then when we speak the next day or so everything is back to normal. So I'm not 100% sure.

My dilemma is, we've supported each other during some terrible times (the death of an abusive parent on his part) and I don't want to hurt his feelings but selfishly, I would find it really difficult to step back as I really enjoy his company. There is potential for an irl meet up very soon where we would be having a few drinks together (my dh is fully aware of all this btw, except of the potential change of feeling) what if he makes a move. What if he confesses unbridled love (ok a bit dramatic) how can we come out of this with our friendship intact or is it doomed? Any advice on how to proceed is greatly welcomed. He's been hurt enough by women in his life, I don't want to be another one.

ElspethFlashman Thu 05-Jan-17 11:55:44

Don't meet him. Keep all interactions very bland online.

mickyblueyes Thu 05-Jan-17 11:56:27

Walk away or be prepared to lose your marriage.

User24601 Thu 05-Jan-17 11:58:14

It is purely platonic on my end btw, just incase I didn't make that clear in the op

Cricrichan Thu 05-Jan-17 11:58:20

Maybe meeting him with your husband would drive home that you're happily married?

Oddsockspissmeoff Thu 05-Jan-17 12:02:06

If my husband had become close to a woman on line and spoke with her nearly every day I would honestly end my marriage. No way would I agree to him going out for drinks with her. What are you thinking Op? What does your husband think about this?

User24601 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:04:04

I'd probably say about half the time my dh is in the room with me when we're talking. There has been nothing untoward happen ever.

Joysmum Thu 05-Jan-17 12:04:13

If you can't be entirely open a honest about the'change of feeling' then don't meet and step back.

Also if you think there is a change of feeling on his part then be unselfish and think about how meeting and continuing the friendship even on plutonic terms on your part is just continuing to make things harder for your friend.

Time for you to see what's best for everyone else involved and put them first above your desire for this friendship.

User24601 Thu 05-Jan-17 12:09:14

joy this is confirming what I have have been thinking. Do I come right out and say it or just slowly draw back communication

TheNaze73 Thu 05-Jan-17 15:43:37

I think you should be direct & tell him. Most men don't do subtle.

sianihedgehog Thu 05-Jan-17 15:49:49

Just tell him. Many people on the Internet are RUBBISH with hints.
"Hey, X, when you said You it made me think that you might be having some romantic feelings for me and that made me uncomfortable. I just want to be clear that I'm really glad we're friends, but my feelings are 100% platonic, and I love my husband."

Aquamarine1029 Thu 05-Jan-17 16:01:39

DO NOT MEET HIM. The fact is, you don't know him in real life at all. He's only told you what he wants you to believe. Meeting him will only bring problems into your life and marriage.

PineappleExpress Thu 05-Jan-17 16:02:02

I've had similar thoughts about online friends and things they have said. I usually just turn it into a joke and say something like 'shock if I didn't know any better I'd think you were getting feelings for me [cry laughing face]' then just carry on the rest of the conversation

Tenshidarkangel Thu 05-Jan-17 16:52:09

If you still want to be friends with him put distance now. Don't answer his messages ASAP. Leave it for a couple of days and reduce your time on the game (or play offline if possible).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now