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DH thinks I've given consent to be with new girlfriend

(35 Posts)
Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:22:05

AIBU to be to with DHs perception that because I've agreed to Divorce he thinks this is my consent for his new relationship with woman he's been having an affair with? He's been so selfish even bringing gf to our local pub on NYE and they plan to move in together soon.
I found out in August while on holiday

hesterton Wed 04-Jan-17 23:23:34

He really doesn't need your consent. However badly you feel he is behaving, he is an adult.

Whosthemummynow Wed 04-Jan-17 23:23:38

I don't mean to sound harsh.
But he doesn't need your consent.

He's a heartless prick, but it's literally nothing to do with you now

Notsleepingeveragain Wed 04-Jan-17 23:23:40

Does he need your consent? He should not have had an affair but if you're divorcing it's up to him now who he hads a relationship with, no?

AddToBasket Wed 04-Jan-17 23:24:18

Is your consent relevant here?

Sorry, I know that sounds harsh but if you are getting a divorce you can't control who he has a relationship with or when they move in together.

You can say it hurts you and please could he take her to a different pub.

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:25:12

I meant to say... aibu to be upset

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam Wed 04-Jan-17 23:26:31

Are you still living in the same house together?

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:26:44

You're right, but it still feels so raw, it feels like he's making my healing even harder

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:27:13

No he's moved out now

Aquamarine1029 Wed 04-Jan-17 23:27:42

You're getting a divorce. It's over. He doesn't need your consent. Focus on YOUR future, not his.

Weloveoptimus Wed 04-Jan-17 23:27:57

Oh love, no YADNBU. Awful to through this.

Patriciathestripper1 Wed 04-Jan-17 23:28:56

If your getting a divorced why would he need your consent or your permission to be with someone else?
He obviously didn't seek it when he was having the affair?
He sounds like an utter bollox anyway flaunting her in your local pub.
You may not think do now but you probably well rid.

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:29:01

he thanked me for giving my consent, which I hadn't given, why does he need it?

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:29:46

I feel so lonely esp in the evenings

Blu Wed 04-Jan-17 23:30:13

It sounds very hard OP, and he is cruel and selfish to take her to your regular pub at NY, etc.

YANBU to be upset.

Thank goodness you are divorcing such an uncaring, inconsiderate git.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam Wed 04-Jan-17 23:30:36

I can understand how very hurtful that would be. Do you have children? If not, cut yourself completely off from him.

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:31:25

I've got a list of reasons why I'm pleased to not be with him but there's something else there that keeps dragging me down

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:32:34

I've 2 kids, the most amazing boys who are with me, feel blessed that I have them x

Blu Wed 04-Jan-17 23:32:50

Tell him not to delude himself with talk of 'consent ', which is all about him trying to absolve himself of responsibility. Tell him you haven't 'consented ', his decisions reflect his behaviour alone.

Weloveoptimus Wed 04-Jan-17 23:33:25

He is messing with your head. Don't overthink it, he obviously isn't.
Look after you....and btw you are well rid.

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:34:17

Getting a divorce sucks and it still feels a bit surreal

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:35:55

Bollox bollox bollox ....

Darelydo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:37:02

I'll go for a run in the morning and maybe that'll help
Night you all x

hesterton Wed 04-Jan-17 23:37:15

It is horrid. And I totally get what you mean now. He should fuck off with his new gf out of your community - but it will start to feel better at some point. And no, you are not being unreasonable in the slightest to feel upset. flowers

mirokarikovo Wed 04-Jan-17 23:38:51

Really sorry to hear that you are going through this. The grief that you are feeling for the end of this relationship will go through many stages and I think you are at Anger right now. That's OK.

Obviously he's a git. He broke his vows and had an affair, broke your trust and broke your heart. You will survive this. He hasn't broken you. You will be ok.

However when you agreed to the divorce you agreed that the vows that he broke are going to stay broken. The two of you are no longer committed to one another for better or for worse. He no longer feels any responsibility to pretend to have that commitment. And in a sense he is right.

By all means be angry with him. He has massively let you down. But don't fixate on this specific thing. He would still be just as much of a bastard if he kept away from his girlfriend till the divorce was finalised. You would still have just as much cause to be angry. So point the anger at the big picture.

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