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(8 Posts)
Chirstmascake1 Wed 04-Jan-17 23:07:14

I'm a bit new to OLD. Met a guy a few weeks ago. We're due to go on third date this week. First two dates were very long. He knows I am keen as I have complemented him a lot. He asked me if I was messaging anyone else and I said not. He mentioned another girl before me who took days to message him back and he thought she was dating others which put him off. Anyway he doesn't message me much at all between dates. I'm very confused as to whether he is that interested although he said himself he felt at ease with me on our last date.

Any views welcome.

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 23:11:28

If I was you, I would let him set the pace of messaging, if messaging is important to you. Is it? So he messages, you respond. If you feel like dropping him a text do it, but please don't fall into the trap of 'text expectation' as a barometer of how well things are going.

If not, then just keep communication to arranging dates and seeing how they play out.

Far too much onus on texting I find and I think it can very easily ruin a potentially good thing if it becomes 'a thing' .

Chirstmascake1 Wed 04-Jan-17 23:20:34

Ok I will follow his lead then. He is in his 40s so maybe that makes a difference? I guess I feel like I need more communication but something I can discuss at a later stage...

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 23:30:13

Why do you feel the need for more communication? genuine question and not meant to be contentious.

I met my DP through Tinder just over two years ago now. When other people have asked for advice about how to make it work meeting someone OLD my advice is always just to chill out and not make texting back and forth a thing. I always liken it to if I would get in a huff or feel insecure if I met a new female friend and she didn't text me all the time etc. Of course I wouldn't, because that would be a bit weird. So for me, I found giving my now DP but then new man/soon to be boyfriend etc equal respect, trust and space that I'd give my friends was the right way to behave. And it worked for me/us. And still does. smile

If and when we did text, we would mostly share stuff with each from our day, music videos, news and stuff like that but it was never demanding or requiring a response it was just nice and relaxing and bonding, over time.

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 23:31:39

Also, I met DP when I was 43 and he was 38. I think the only way age is relevant is that we should (both men and women) be acting like adults not teenagers and not putting too much onus on texting.

TheNaze73 Thu 05-Jan-17 08:15:05

I think you are sounding a tad needy, wanting constant communication between dates. Texts in the early days of a relationship are an added pressure, we never used to have to deal with. They should be used sparingly between dates & that's it. When I've been bombarded in previous relationships it's made me think someone will be high maintenance, will need constant reassurance & probably doesn't want me & just wants any relationship.
Smoke the peace pipe, take a step back & breathe

Tenshidarkangel Thu 05-Jan-17 10:30:06

Slow it right down. I agree with PP you may be coming across as needy (we've all done it OLD and finding one we really like)
Make as much effort as he is. 1 -2 texts a week maybe, if he's really not making a lot of effort - asking how he is and when he's free to meet up again (If he dodges the meeting up question don't hound either.) You need to show your not hanging on for every text or call. Meanwhile, don't put all your eggs in one basket - talk to other guys and go on other dates. You could end up meeting someone far better!

debbs77 Thu 05-Jan-17 18:22:37

I agree, it is hard! But let him take the lead. I had this issue with the guy I'm seeing and we spoke. He just isn't a massive talker, works loads whereas I'm a stay at home mum that works from home, early to bed sort of guy xx

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