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I have a question.....regarding 'ghosting'

(113 Posts)
CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 17:40:49

Just a question.....
After posting here about being 'ghosted' recently. I can not believe how popular this is. Reading post after post it could of been me writing it.
Going back a year or so when I first started old. I was a little bonkers via text. Learnt lots. Cringe lots. Now consider myself quite chilled and level headed when it comes to old. I won't chase and I don't question myself if I'm rejected. If he's interested he will call bla bla bla.
My question here is.
Do you think these guys need to know they're completely out of order. Why say you are interested if you're not. Why promise the world. How rude are you disappearin? Not in a crazy texting way.
Just in a way of excuse me sir you are RUDE! End of story?

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 17:48:47

No. I'm pretty sure they know its not princely behaviour but at that point they're really not looking to win you so why would it matter if youre not impressed.

frieda909 Wed 04-Jan-17 17:49:59

I'm just not the type of person who can simply 'block, delete, move on' when this happens. I know that's always the advice but it's just not me. I have to say something. I won't go nuts and bombard them with insults or anything, but I need them to know that their shittiness has been noted and that I'm not just fine and dandy with being dropped like that.

Obviously it depends on how long you've been dating etc, but I had a guy ghost me after a month of (so I thought) very good dates, where we'd had sex a few times. When he didn't reply to my last message I left it about a week and then texted him saying 'well ok then. I hope you're not dead. Take care'. Petty, I know, but it made me feel better!

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 17:50:37

I question if they actually know. They kinda get away with their behaviour.

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 17:55:14

At the same time not wanting him to think I'm bothered. There is nothing more off putting than an 'arse'
Just makes me angry thinking they think they can behave this way!

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 17:57:29

If he's not bothered ie ghosting you , you need to mirror that right back, non reaction is the best reaction.

Destinysdaughter Wed 04-Jan-17 18:01:06

I know it sucks doesn't it? And there are no consequences to their behaviour so they can do it with impunity. In the ' olden days', ie pre Internet/ mobiles it was considered very bad form to not dump someone face to face. And apart from a phone call, there wasn't really the means of communication to do much else. I think it's pretty cowardly, even a text to say, sorry it's not working for me is better than just...nothing!

Destinysdaughter Wed 04-Jan-17 18:03:30

Also men just didn't have access to so many women pre Internet dating, they only really met through their social networks so there wasn't such a 'sweet shop ' mentality as there is now.

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:05:03

I think yes, treat him with ignorance. Don't question it. In which I have!
Just reading more posts and thinking wow these guys 🙈
It's just rude and disrespectful. Definitely a cowards way out!

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:07:14

One thing he said for the reason for staying on a dating site was 'there might be someone better'. He laughed but he so meant it!
Why didn't I run then?

PamDooveOrangeJoof Wed 04-Jan-17 18:11:25

If someone ghosts you and you call them out on their behaviour, they will just use it to justify ghosting you.
I.e 'Yeah that's crazy woman won't get the hint and keeps texting me'

Ignore ignore ignore. Far ore annoying and less of an ego boost for themif you literally look like you haven't even noticed!

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:14:31

I agree with you too Pam 👍
I feel good for not questionine. As far as he's concerned I'm not bothered. That's what I want him to think.
Just wanted to ask what others thought as I feel he should be told too! Matter of factly! 'Arse'

Cooloraction Wed 04-Jan-17 18:25:54

Watching this with interest.
There are no gentlemen left so it would seem sad

Ladygrinings0ul Wed 04-Jan-17 18:29:48

I ghost all the time so when it happens to me I just think it's karma.

Mintychoc1 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:30:49

I've posted about this before. I'm very old - 49 - and in my dating youth ghosting didn't really happen. OLD didn't exist, so dates came from friends of friends or work or whatever - therefore it was virtually impossible for people to simply disappear.

Consequently I wouldn't tolerate being ghosted - it would be such an alien experience to me, I would hunt the man down and demand that he dumped me properly. Dumping people isn't fun, no one enjoys it, it makes you feel awful - but if you're prepared to date then you must be prepared to dump too. There's no way I'd let someone wander off into the sunset without a moments discomfort.

To hell with my dignity - people need to learn that if you treat others badly it has consequences!

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 18:33:36

I love the idea that if someone doesnt want to date you they better be prepared to feel uncomfortable one way or the other grin

Newbrummie Wed 04-Jan-17 18:40:21

It's when you've been seeing them a while it's bloody strange, like three months then puff Paul Daniels vanished....

Mintychoc1 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:40:41

That's not what I'm saying at all.
I'm not talking about people who chat a bit on-line then decide they don't want to meet you and disappear. I'm talking about the people who meet a few times, have sex, begin what appears to be a relationship then disappear.
Obviously one-night-stands existed when I was younger - you slept with someone, then they didn't call - that's life, it happens.

But ghosting is different. If you embark on what is essentially a relationship, with dates, sex, intimacy etc - then you change your mind and decide you don't want to take it further - it is common decency to tell the other person, rather than simply disappear and wait for them to get the message.

Mintychoc1 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:41:40

My reply was to lesismiserable

Ellisandra Wed 04-Jan-17 18:43:37

I think it's unfair to pin it on men - women ghost too.
I think it's rude but not worth getting worked up about if it happens in the non-exclusive dating stage. Chances are the ghoster has been ghosted themselves and thinks it is normal behaviour.
Afterall, who likes telling someone they're not interested?
The people who should burn in hell are the ones who make it to boyfriend stage - and then disappear. Not happened to me but read about it a lot on here.

For the early dating stage though - don't waste your ire!

Loaferloveforyou Wed 04-Jan-17 18:44:26

I think if they don't care if they ever see you again, they aren't going to care if you think them rude.

My mate got ghosted by a woman he was seeing mid phone call. Just chatting about normal stuff no arguments or anything and the phone went dead: he called her back but no answer. Weird.

angieneri Wed 04-Jan-17 18:50:15

IMO the best reaction to being ghosted is by far disappearing yourself. This way you protect your dignity AND give the guy a taste of his own medicine!

CakeLover0 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:50:19

Made me laugh out loud! Hunt them down!
Men drive us bonkers!
I'm going to learn how to be emotion free haha!

LesisMiserable Wed 04-Jan-17 18:51:18

It happens doesnt it. When youre getting dumped (regardless of what stage youre at) they really couldn't give a crap if they're being polite or not because they're not really interested in you as a person and as such, your feelings.

Destinysdaughter Wed 04-Jan-17 19:00:47

I think it's so useful that we can share experiences of it in here so we know it's not just us it's happening to and is in fact a 'thing', a universal experience and one of the pitfalls of modern dating.

Is still shit tho

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