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How do you let go when you've lost the person you love?

(8 Posts)
SpaceGhostCoastToCoast Wed 04-Jan-17 08:55:45

My gf dumped me. We were in a LDR. Things were difficult at times with distance and some other issues but I love her with all my heart and I'm devestated. She won't talk to me at all. She said it's over and hasn't spoken to me since. That was Dec 23rd.

I'm in pieces still. All I do is cry. I keep looking at her photos and trying to contact her. I know I shouldn't but I just feel so abandoned.

I've put all her things away that were at my house but I still see her everywhere.
It was a VLD relationship so we are never going to 'bump into' each other again.
I'm never going to see her. I just feel utterly broken.

She was my first relationship after splitting with DH. In fact she was the catalyst in our breakup. (We didn't meet until months after DH and I split though)

I just don't know how to get through this. I have depression and anxiety, so I just feel shit.

How do people survive this? I feel suicidal. Though my condition makes me feel like that alot of the time anyway and I would NEVER act upon it, I have kids. But everything seems pointless now I don't have her sad

Tenshidarkangel Wed 04-Jan-17 09:55:32

Take some time to grieve but put a timer on it. 2-3 days. Do the chick flicks, chocolates, wine ect then...

30 days no contact. Remove her number (you can tuck it somewhere safe on a bit of paper) off your phone/ facebook/ twitter ect so you cant get in contact. Your not reminded of her or what she's up to.
Remove any memories from plain sight. This includes anything with a real memory link to it.
With that done - breathe.

Now, start to focus on you. Take up a hobby you've always wanted to do, go see friends, go on a holiday, go for a pamper session but focus on you and your kids.

The pain will start to ease and you will heal but it does take time and reducing the reminders of your time with her. Your not forgetting just tucking it all away until you can view it without getting upset/ wanting to call/message.

Hugs for you SpaceGhost flowers

I was dumped on New Years Eve so am also in the broken-hearted club. I have depression and anxiety too, and know how something like this can tip you over the edge. And my kids are what stop me from acting on suicidal thoughts too.

All the usual advice like be gentle on yourself, turn to friends or family for support, let yourself grieve, it will get better in time, etc etc doesn't really help at all, does it?

This may not work for you, but the one thing that has helped me the most is reading everything I possibly could about relationships and breakups on the internet. Googling everything i could think of to try and understand my ex's behaviour. Googling phrases like "I need help now" and "I feel worthless" and whatever else I can think of. This provides a focus and a distraction from the spiraling negative thoughts and helps to sort out all of the swirling thoughts in your head.

Could be useless for you, but worth a try maybe?

Oh and PS, it WILL get better!!!!!!!

hellsbellsmelons Wed 04-Jan-17 11:58:34

That really is the answer.
The only thing you give yourself is time.
Time to grieve what was.
Time to grieve what could have been.

It's only been 2 weeks so you've a way to go yet.
Block her from everything.
Delete all photo's.
Stop torturing yourself it's doing you so much more harm and making it all much more difficult for you.

Keep yourself busy.
Go for walks with the kids if you can.
Join a gym if possible.
Look on and see if there are any groups you can join.
Even doing a home exercise DVD might help.
Clean out cupboards.
Meal plan etc......

Get family and friends to help you with all of this.
RL support will be a great help.

If you are feeling you aren't coming up from your down then get to your GP.

SpaceGhostCoastToCoast Wed 04-Jan-17 12:19:06

I've just been lay in bed. I found it hard to function before hand anyways. I've had a lot of MH issues and I can be quite agoraphobic at times.
I haven't left the house or washed in a long time. I know that sounds gross but I just can't find any motivation.

I know I need to be proactive but everything hurts. I've cried so much.

I can't let go. I keep thinking of plans to get her back or of visiting her. Or I think she just needs time when in reality shes been nothing but clear she doesn't want me sad

I feel utterly pathetic.

Tenshidarkangel Wed 04-Jan-17 12:40:47

The problem is if you allow that to absorb you and you don't find something to keep you occupied you will just end up thinking of her which then puts you back on this circle of hurt and upset.
Start with the small things. Get out of bed, have a bath/shower, wash the bedding, go and do a food shop ect
You have kids lovely and as hard as it sounds, you need to sort yourself for them not just yourself. Make them your focus. Your drive.
Little steps.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 04-Jan-17 13:45:23

Are you currently on medication?
If yes, have you been taking it?
If not then you need to pick up the phone and make an appointment with your GP.
It's quite urgent you do that if you don't currently have any medication.
Then take it from there.

SpaceGhostCoastToCoast Wed 04-Jan-17 15:25:20

Yes. I've been on meds a long time and I'm taking them.

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