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Dealing with different body clocks in a relationship?

(7 Posts)
Maltropp Wed 04-Jan-17 07:58:12

Me.... Night owl tendencies, natural bedtime around midnight to be up at 6/7 am. Frequently later when I'm on my own at home.

DP.....struggles with less than 8 hours sleep since having a severe illness in early 20's. Natural bedtime 9pm ish in week to be up at 6 for work. DPs job is full on and waay more stressful, knackering and demanding than extra shattered by Friday evenings.

We don't live together. I. Go to DPs 2x nights a week, DP struggles to stay up wth me to 10ish...but wants to see me.... I struggle with going up to bed at 10, feel like I'm missing out on my evening. Since we are only able to see each other two nights during the working week DP says we should make the effort to go to bed at same time to feel close. I would prefer to sit up and read or read on my kindle in bed but DP is a light sleeper so I lie there fearing disturbing DP dropping off.

I don't feel that going to bed at the same time is vital or important DP does. How do we reach a happy compromise?

Cricrichan Wed 04-Jan-17 08:12:08

I wouldn't be able to sleep at 10 either. Surely, if he's asleep it shouldn't matter to him whether you're downstairs reading or next to him trying to sleep?

illegitimateMortificadospawn Wed 04-Jan-17 08:20:44

We have a similar timezone mismatch in our relationship, but have managed OK for 20+ years. DH now turns in at 10pm (instead of snoring on the sofa) and I get to watch lots of boxsets on Netflix. It's crap when we are away in Forrin on holiday in the back of beyond, though I switch to reading then, but was quite useful when we had babies/very young children. Swings and roundabouts.

Hellofromtheotherside16 Wed 04-Jan-17 08:25:01

9pm is early isn't it? I know a lot of people who are asleep by 9.30. The evening is only just starting for me at that time.

I think you just have to accept the differences and I don't think you should have to go to bed early to keep him company nor should he stay up if it's a struggle for him.

What time does your evening together start? Doesn't seem a great deal of point in seeing him midweek at all if he's off at 9.

Skang Wed 04-Jan-17 08:48:10

DH and I are like this but the other way round. I'd never make him go to bed early! He doesn't get home from work until 7 pm so we don't see much of each other in the week. I'm not about to start starting up late though, on the occasions I do do it makes me feel like crap.

Maltropp Wed 04-Jan-17 09:10:18

Our evenings together begin around 6/6.30 so plenty of time for a catch up, supper, making plans for weekend, watching a bit of TV etc before half 9/10pm

broodybrooder Wed 04-Jan-17 12:53:39

If you lived together, going to bed that early every night would be a bore but if it's just 2 times a week, I personally agree that it's nice to go to bed together.

DP and I are the other way round. Although it's generally 11pm before I turn in. He's rarely asleep before 1am.

If we go to bed separately too often, I do feel disconnected. He sometimes comes to bed with me for a cuddle and then slips off downstairs again. Most of the time he reads. I'm sure there's a setting ir colour on iPhone and Kindle that means the light doesn't glare?

Anyway I think if you compromise and go to bed early, he should stop whinging and learn to cope with the disturbance or get an eye mask

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