Posting here for a hand-hold or a spare grip.
Ex and I separated last year. It was the right thing to do for a million reasons but it took him ages to move out and get his new place, which towards the end of the year, he finally did.
The dcs are shared residence. Right now they are with him and I miss them like hell.
we had an arrangement about money and he's not paying.
I feel really down. I feel like I am now in this cold, awful, joyless life. Just work, and worrying about money, and chasing him for the same bills that he won't pay. I am stuck with the practical shit and he is totally free to ignore my attempts to make him share it. I am pretty sure he is seeing / interested in someone else. I, on the other hand, feel like I have absolutely no idea how to inject any fun into my life at all and money is so, so tight. I am 45 and feel like I am just staring at a couple of decades of work, getting uglier and unhealthier, and then death.
He's an awful stupid cliche of a man who is prioritising his good times over paying for his children, but knowing he's crap doesn't make me feel better.
Before he moved out I was dying for him to go. Now he has, it has really hit me that no one loves me. (because the dcs aren't here, they love me of course, but they aren't supposed to look after me and it's not like having an adult who cares about you.) There is a photo on facebook of dc2 sitting right next to me at a picnic in the summer and I feel that's where she is supposed to be, she belongs at my side, leaning on me, she is too little to be away from me and I miss them like hell and I hate this life already and I have hardly started it.
I can't bear the thought of some other man so that isn't the solution (not that I think I'm much of a catch anyway). I just can't understand how I have got so many things wrong that I worked so hard and lost it all.
I have given up my one hobby which I can't do without childcare and it's on a night I have the dcs. he always resented me doing it and now I can't and he's got what he wanted. While he is out with some lovely childless young woman who probably thinks he is sweet and charming.
Sorry about this awful self pitying moan. It could all have been much worse and I know things are fine really. I am just really struggling right now, feeling really cold and empty and tired.
I am sure there are lots of people in the same boat making a go of it. I'd love to be told to pull myself together by someone who has their head screwed on better than me
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Relationships
Life after ex
16 replies
AntiGrinch · 03/01/2017 22:59
OP posts:
HorraceTheOtter ·
03/01/2017 23:15
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