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Can't stop myself from feeling he's supposed to be mine

(4 Posts)
hopelesslyromantic Tue 03-Jan-17 20:23:44

Broke up with my husband about nine months ago, his decision not mine. I don't want him back as too much as happened since, we are both with other people. We were together for seventeen years and have three young children together. He was my best friend in the world, always had my back (and suspect he still would) and I guess I just miss him. The thing is, although I don't want him back as he has hurt me so much, I don't even particularly like him at the moment, I just can't shake the feeling that we should be connected, that he should be mine.
Not sure what I want from this just needed to vent and wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 03-Jan-17 20:30:20

I've been where you are and although it was a while ago now, reading your post has brought it back.

I think perhaps the best thing for you would be to burst that bubble that you have about your ex husband. If you were that connected he wouldn't have ended it. If he would have had your back he wouldn't have left. I'm not sure why you think he still has it now?

You miss the idea of him, what you thought you had, and you're portraying him the best lights because your memory is faulty. It wasn't your choice to end the marriage, it was his.

He has hurt you and I think you're trying to rationalise it so it lessens the pain but you can't lie to yourself no matter how hard you try.

I think if you can look at the way things really are and knock him off the pedestal you've put him on, it will help you see more clearly.

Dappledsunlight Tue 03-Jan-17 20:30:59

It's understandable that there will be part of you that misses him after such a long time: he was an important part of your life.

I think sometimes it's hard to let people go precisely because letting them go means partly letting go of a part of us, our identity....

Are you happy in your current relationship? Maybe you need to simply acknowledge that you miss your ex and feel that for a while. Suppressing it may prevent you from processing the emotions and moving on.

hopelesslyromantic Tue 03-Jan-17 22:07:27

Current relationship is very new and exciting so yes happy enough.

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