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Exh remarried on Xmas Eve. Thought I didn't care ....... now I do

(8 Posts)
user1483387846 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:07:21

Hello. new here and first time I've posted.
Exh remarried on Xmas Eve, it didn't bother me but now I realise it has. We were together for 8 years, married for 6. We have been split and divorced for 2 years. Within a couple of months out of the blue I met someone else and we have been together since. Exh rather surprisingly to me remained single all of that time up until 4 months ago. We live quite close to each other, share some mutual friends and have always been civil to each other if we have come into contact. Four months ago he met someone and in a whirlwind has gotten married. It didn't bother me it was happening but now it's all I can think of. I've had a lovely Xmas with dp but he is noticing that since then I seem to have become pre-occupied in thought. The wedding was abroad and all the photos are on social media. I know I shouldn't as it's making it worse but I keep looking at the photos. Now I'm realising that I still love him. It sounds fucking ridiculous but I am thoroughly jealous of her. I wish I had realised this before he met someone and told him how I feel. He is back in the UK tonight and all I want to do is call him. Head & heart is in a mess right now

GloriaGaynor Mon 02-Jan-17 21:11:13

I don't think you do still love him. You're just mourning for what might have been and never was.

When you've been with someone a long time there's part of you that always loves part of them, but it doesn't make the relationship right.

Anyway, marry in haste etc...

Hermonie2016 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:24:08

Have you been married before? Perhaps you are envious of the wedding, rather than the man.He is an ex for a reason and 2 years apart is enough time.

4 months is shockingly quick, feels like they can't know each other so they will have to be lucky. Stay away from the photos, you need to good cold turkey.

Hermonie2016 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:24:47

Sorry realised it was ex h, so you have been married.

Temporaryanonymity Mon 02-Jan-17 21:28:47

Actually, I felt the same way when my exH got married. It was bit of a bolt from the blue. I worked out that what I was actually jealous of was seeing his family and our friends (well one!) at the wedding having fun. But at first I thought I was still in love, then I went through pangs of rejection even though I left him.
.
I think it is all part of the process of adapting to change. Don't make any big decisions right now...

user1483387846 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:39:14

Thank you. I realise I sound like an 8 year old not a 38 year old! I know I have used dp as a distraction from exh. I realise how unfair that is to him now and am going to end this relationship. 2 of our mutual friends (one couple of whom attended the wedding) have made the marry in haste comment & I have found myself defending him and his choice for some reason. Dd did not go to the wedding as it was Xmas but he is coming to see her tomorrow and I know I am going to cry and probably have a shameful emotional melt down to him. I want our life back. I ruined it as I was convinced he had cheated which he swore blind and still does he didn't. He said he stayed single as he wanted us to work it out but I chose to not hear that. Now there is no way back. What a mess I have created for us all

WhooooAmI24601 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:55:10

If there is no way back why are you going to have an emotional meltdown in front of him? And why are you going to end your current relationship? It must be difficult seeing him in all of the photos enjoying himself and looking spectacular, but you had that life, you had that marriage and you decided it wasn't right for you. It doesn't matter if you couldn't find proof of him cheating; the suspicion was enough to warrant you not wanting to be with him. Could you live that way again? Would you want to live that way again?

Take some time to get through this patch before throwing anything away or declaring your undying love for him. Your heart and head need to synchronise a little more before you should make any decisions.

pklme Mon 02-Jan-17 21:59:19

You and Dp have been together for about two years, your DD presumably knows him well. Don't throw that away while you are feeling unsettled by ExHs wedding.

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