My job is making me ill - scared to go back

[Lollysuns]

I've posted before about work, which has become really bad over the last few months. My manager is passive aggressive and makes me feel stupid 9/10. I work in a competitive industry and have pride in my work, yet my motivation is now on the floor. I feel sick about going to work tomorrow, dreading it. Waiting to hear from a new job and feel sick with anxiety about thst too.

Just posting for any words of support or ways to pull my big girl pants on.. I feel like I have no strength left anymore to face the day.

[Harvestmoonsobig]

In similar situation. Great you are going to interviews, means that the end is in sight for your current job.

In the meantime focus on the fact that you need to turn up, do your best and reassure yourself that your best is good enough - even though in the current context - your best is not the standard you would wish for.

Now off to take my own advice.

[Lollysuns]

Thank you harvest. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. It's awful how the wrong colleagues can make life so miserable :(

Hope tomorrow is good for you.

[CatBallou2]

Sad to say that most of us experience this. I've worked for people who've been an absolute nightmare. You're doing the right thing not staying longer than you should. I've stayed too long and this caused me a lot of harm. The consolation in my situation was hearong that the people who made my life hell at work, were eventually sacked.

I believe exit interviews are now the norm. If you have one, maybe you can inform HR of your reasons for leaving.

All the very best to you. It'll all come right in the end.

[whoneedswings]

Don't often post but had to reply as I was quite badly damaged mentally after being bullied by my manager at work, it got so bad that after 2 years I went to my GP in tears. Had some time off work for stress then went to HR who launched an investigation. All my complaints where upheld, really she should of been fired because she'd done the same to others, but she's married to the CEO and I didn't want to drag the whole organisation down taking it further.

ANYWAY my point is a) look after yourself, the hardest lesson I learnt was to put myself first. Make sure you take some time off and get support! B) record everything! Wish I'd made notes of all my meetings with her, they're very clever at not getting caught so you have to note things done with dates etc c) report it and get some support at work, you could leave but it won't improve things for the next victim. And your not alone! Ann's you've done nothing wrong! And please just look after yourself! I let things go to far, I'm better now but I'll never be the same again after what she did to me.

[Lollysuns]

Thank you for the posts! It's been a really draining and difficult time and I feel as if I have nothing left at all anymore. It's going to be a hard week.

Whoneedsswings that sounds so terrible and I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I wish I could hand my notice in this week :(

[whoneedswings]

Go speak to your GP they'll give you a sick note (as long as it's a good doctor) just to give you some head space to sort out what you want to do. Have you got a good HR department? Good luck

[Lollysuns]

I'm not sure. This man is high up. I just want to get another job and the pressure of finding one is horrible. I don't want to go to work today, feel so sick.

[Chottie]

Lolly just giving you a hand to hold

Make sure you get out of the building at lunch time to get some fresh air and to clear your head.

I find dividing the day up into chunks helps me to get through.

[dudsville]

Ooh. I was once in a bad situation. Oddly my oh was in a v different but equally challenging situation. We sat down one night and promised ourselves "this time next year things will be different and better". We didn't have plans beyond that but it was like a magical promise to ourselves that instantly left us feeling better and more positive. Before the year was out we'd actually made several life changes and are all the better for it. Good luck to you op.

[Lollysuns]

Thank you...these messages are comforting to read! I know I have to keep remembering things will get better. Feels so hard to do that just now. Not sure I can face any more passive aggressive comments, especially after a week away from it! My stamina isn't up to it!

[ImprovisingNow]

I spent years working with some fairly horrible people. At the time I knew I hated it but was not sure how much was them and how much was me IYSWIM.

When I finally made the break it was like getting out of jail - I actually left with no job to go to and still it was such a relief. It took me time to find another job, but now I work with the nicest, most supportive group of people you can imagine. We work hard but we have a laugh at the same time and we all believe that work should be fun. I would never have believed that this was possible during the dark days.

Make moving on to a new job a priority and every time Mr PA rears his head until you leave you can smile and think "Don't care asshole, I'm so out of here!"

[JsOtherHalf]

I once came to an end of a temporary contract, and was on Income Support for a while. My former colleagues were wistful about this, as any one of them would have preferred not to work there.

It's not you, it's the job.

Fingers crossed for a new job soon.

[Lollysuns]

Thank you so much for all the support. It's going ok, some people still not back after Christmas. Hoping to hear from the job... anxious!!

[MatildaTheCat]

There was a good item on Women's Hour on Radio 4 this morning about workplace stress. Might be worth a listen.

Is it just you or is this man a well known bully?

[Lollysuns]

Thanks matilda. I'm the most junior by quite a long way, and it seems to just be me. He can be quite rude and insensitive generally with people, but he seems to focus on me quite a lot. The thing is, I can take criticism and the industry I am in is challenging so I'm used to that, but he is never clear - he's never actually said I've done something wrong. He's just passive aggresssive and the one time I've called him out on it he totally backs down and even apologised. It's just a horrible atmosphere and I can't progress with my caterer here and I want to leave so much.

[MatildaTheCat]

He sounds awful but this doesn't sound personal at all. Can you manage to take a mental step back from him and be just someone doing their job as well as possible? Whenever he is unclear ask him politely to clarify.

Good luck with the job hunting. If it's any consolation we've all hated a senior colleague at some point. It finishes and gets better.

[likeaZombie]

I've just left a job for the same reasons. Shame really because I liked the work and all of the other ladies were lovely. But the manager was passive agressive and not always passive. Constantly negative and slagging people either colleagues or other people in her life off. Control freak micro managing then moaning about the workload when if she would just deligate and trust the perfectly capable team her job would be easy. Nothing ever her fault you get the picture. I felt the atmosphere was toxic in there all because of one person but I've been through a bad time recently and worked really hard to get back to a good place and am very aware of my environment and what is or isn't good for my wellbeing..the day she called me useless is the day I promised myself I'd be out by new year and I was.
Higher managers know what this person is like but don't have the will or the backbone to do anything about it.

[SleepingTiger]

Leave. Hand in your notice. Focus on that as your primary aim and build everything else around that in terms of support.

A bad job can kill a person.

[RockyBird]

Smile and take the money. You'll be out of there soon.

Don't allow fuckwits to suck the joy out of your life.

[whirlygirly]

Some workplaces are just toxic. I worked in one years ago and still vividly remember the relief and exhilaration of getting out.

Life is too short to be miserable at work- get out as soon as you can and report him on the way out with as many documented examples as you can list.

[KindDogsTail]

Please don't doubt yourself because of that awful boss.
Goopd luck for the new job you will get - if not this one, then another.
There seems to be very good advice from others who have similar experiences. Record everything.

Woman's Hour this morning mentioned mindfulness as being a help for stress at work. Yesterday on the radio too, some people who had been wrongly imprisoned mentioned how mindfulness and yoga helped them survive the sense of anger and injustice it had caused them. So that might help you.

As others said, do look after yourself while you are waiting to get out from this unpleasant position..

[KindDogsTail]

Sorry, Matilda, I had not read the full thread when I mentioned Woman's Hour this morning too.

[Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername]

I feel your pain. I work in a very (male orientated) demanding and stressful industry, with 2 guys who seem to take great delight in making me a scapegoat, or belittling me at every opportunity. I have more bad days than good, but feel I've worked too hard to get where I am. I'm also not sure I'm ready to 'start again' at my age. Wish I had words of advice😞

[Lollysuns]

Thanks everyone. Today has ended up been really tough.

I don't know how I'm going to get through these days. I hate it so much.

Still haven't heard from the other job and they said they'd been in touch asap...

[fudgesmummy]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My dh suffered for years with a bully for a boss, it changed him from a confident happy man into a physical wreck. He would often arrive home in tears, doubting everything he did. This man was a "Christian" and apparently God guided his life. Bollocks he did. He was a nasty little bully who took delight in belittling my gentle, kind dh. The relief when he managed to get another job was overwhelming. My dh was never the same person again, the way he was made to feel has stayed with him. I hope you have someone to support you in RL. x