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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Oh God! Please help

(23 Posts)
bambiandmoo Mon 02-Jan-17 17:33:49

In tears right now, I think I am fucking my children's life right up!
My oldest daughter (9)is challenging at meal times. She doesn't want to eat anything, hates everything she is given but won't give me a clue about what she wants to eat. I shouted at her just now as she was doing her normal. Took her through to the kitchen to get her to look for something herself. The next thing my husband was shouting really aggressively in her face. I said to oh " don't do that!", he responds oh but it's ok for you to bellow through the house. I got so angry with him and shouted in his face in the same way he just had. I could see his fists clench like he was going to hit me so I slapped him. He then flew across the kitchen at me. This all happened in front of our kids. He is now acting like nothing happened. I don't know he will talk. I doing know what to do!

BifsWif Mon 02-Jan-17 18:24:07

How old is your other child OP? Is this the first time they've seen you be violent to each other?

MatildaTheCat Mon 02-Jan-17 18:29:18

It's hard to comment without more background as to your relationship but clearly this got totally out of hand.

You have to agree a no shouting, no threatening behaviour, no hitting rule for everyone in the house. Then tackle the eating....unless you are frequently having violent rows in which case she's telling you she's unhappy, Loud and clear.

bambiandmoo Mon 02-Jan-17 18:52:14

My other daughter is 7. We have never argued in front of them but rarely speak to each other about anything. He is always sharp with everyone, rarely listens and then gets irritated. He has no friends about here, never goes out anywhere. Never wants to go out with me even. It's a mess

category12 Mon 02-Jan-17 18:57:29

Well, what you can do is split up. You don't sound happy together and now with domestic violence in the mix - time to call it a day and focus on doing a good job with the dc.

LilQueenie Mon 02-Jan-17 18:57:54

I know that feeling op. Has he ever mentioned being unhappy? The never going out thing is a real pain and ex wouldn't go anywhere with me either. I say ex he left last night. still not seeing him as that.

Happybunny19 Mon 02-Jan-17 18:59:23

You both need to sort out your behaviour with each other. Slapping and clenching fists is never acceptable in any situation and your poor children having to witness it.

If things between you are that bad you need to find a way to separate and protect your dcs from ever having to witness any further violence.

I would recommend next time you feel threatened and intimidated by your OH you walk away and put some space between you. Slapping him was only ever going to exacerbate an already nasty situation and just as bad as his behaviour towards you.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 02-Jan-17 19:01:55

How did he fly across the kitchen at you if he was already near enough for you to slap him?

I suggest you feed the kids, get them to bed and then talk to each other calmly and honestly.

coccolocco Mon 02-Jan-17 19:06:09

I feel sorry for you. It's not the end of the world. Take time to calm down, relax. Tomorrow is another day.

LineyReborn Mon 02-Jan-17 19:10:56

What do you mean, he flew across the kitchen at you? I don't understand, genuinely.

SparklyMagpie Mon 02-Jan-17 19:17:34

That part where he flew across the room has also confused me OP

If he was close enough for you to slap him how did he then fly across the room at you?

Tbh this doesn't sound good, I think you both need space and honestly, I'd call it a day on the relationship

bambiandmoo Mon 02-Jan-17 20:33:32

Flew across at me, it's exactly as it sounds. When I slapped him I stopped back and he flew at me. Any way for those actually giving some advice thanks. Good bye

LineyReborn Mon 02-Jan-17 20:45:51

I'm concerned that he flew at you and hurt you.

Evergreen17 Mon 02-Jan-17 20:52:17

You shout at your daughter. Then he shouts at her.
Then you shout at him
Then you slap him
Then he tried to hit you

Please dont do this to your children OP. Split up.

I was that child and it is not a good place to be. Please

Gooseygoosey12345 Mon 02-Jan-17 20:56:05

Ok you don't need to split up! What you do need to do is actually speak to each other. If you can't do that alone then maybe counselling would help. Is it possible that your OH is depressed? He sounds like he could be but I don't have all the info obviously. He needs to get a hobby and meet people.
The main thing is that this needs to be prevented from happening again, if this is the first time then you also need to make sure that it is the last. Get help now before your relationship is not saveable

Fairenuff Mon 02-Jan-17 22:42:19

What does flew at you mean?

Hit you?

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 02-Jan-17 22:45:47

Think op has gone......

springydaffs Mon 02-Jan-17 23:35:38

Kids who don't eat can raise the parental temperature exceptionally high. There's something about it - hits a primal parenting nerve somewhere.

However, shouting at her and getting angry is the VERY WORST thing you can do. At best it consolidates food avoidance; at worst it sets them up for a full blown eating disorder. Please. Stop this NOW. It is extremely damaging for your child.

Get advice and support for problem eaters - all of you. This is a complex problem and needs specialist support. Go to your GP and get the ball rolling ie ask for a referral. Gen up on info about this problem - books, google, etc.

As for the violence between you - again, that will compound the eating problems. But with or without any eating problems, violence in front of kids is very damaging. One of you needs to move out pronto while you research effective support. I'm serious: one of you needs to move out.

0dfod Tue 03-Jan-17 00:01:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyMagpie Tue 03-Jan-17 00:02:39

hmm really don't know what you was expecting OP? But anyway you've gone now

M00nUnit Tue 03-Jan-17 00:16:08

How rude. People understandably ask for clarification on what on earth "flew at me" means and the OP gives a completely non-sensical explanation then flounces off.

whattodowiththepoo Tue 03-Jan-17 05:08:16

End the relationship ASAP.

BusterGonad Tue 03-Jan-17 06:08:45

I agree with Springy this type of behavior from the parents and the general atmosphere in the house is a breeding ground for your daughter to develop a full blown eating disorder!

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