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Self-centred friends?!

6 replies

StripeyCover · 02/01/2017 15:40

ah yes, that one.

I have done a small cull on friendships this year (and really relate to the thread re. having few or no friends!). I won't bore you with the details, but I am basically relieved.

I just wondered how to deal with the last one that needs to go, or possibly change.

I have known her a long time I guess - 15 years. So we have some history, which is nice. I don't see her often - she lives over an hour away from me . We don't even speak much on the phone .

She has some good qualities. Intelligent. Can be good fun. A bit different perhaps, like me.

But in her company I soon wilt with her "me, me, me" attitude. She can go on literally for ages about the minutae of her life, before suddenly remembering that maybe it would nice to give me some space to talk about mine. Not that she's interested really, just being polite. I find my self saying very little of consequences, as she's not really listening anyway. She does big herself up a bit (I'm thinking some narcissistic traits) but she's not a bad person. Just somewhat selfish and very self-involved.

Luckily our friendship has cooled recently after a small argument, so I am pleased about that. We haven't seen each other for months. She did ring me yesterday to wish me a happy new year, which was nice, as an old friend. But 3 minutes into the conversation I get that familiar feeling like I can't listen any more! Its nearly all "me, me, me".

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking or saying. I think maybe a distant friendship might work, without the trauma of "ending" something. That we can still stay in touch, without having to be close!

Anyone experienced anything similar? had any thoughts?

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TheNaze73 · 02/01/2017 15:46

Just cut her off. I used to struggle with people like that before I read "The Good Psychopath's Guide to Success" by Andy McNab. Since I read that I don't tolerate any time wasters, negative cocks or people that don't bring anything to the party

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LemonSqueezy0 · 02/01/2017 15:58

Just let the friendship fade, if you can't lead the friendship back to a even keel.

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StripeyCover · 02/01/2017 16:26

It just feels so weird, coming off the phone and feeling irritated, and finding myself re-hashing the conversation! With a good friend you would, usually anyway, feel good! I think I mentioned one small piece of good news (which I wish I hadn't told her) - her reaction was just kinda cool. Its really hard to explain. Someone who is very chatty and busy-in-her-life and so forth somehow seems competitive with me and just seems to leave me feeling a bit cold. I admire your style TheNaze . I think will probably just fade over time with a bit of room for v occasionally keep in touch. I don't think it will ever get to "evenkeel" Lemonsqueezy.

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EmeraldIsle100 · 02/01/2017 16:29

I agree, let this friendship fade away. I was in the same position as you with a friend that sounds uncannily like yours. One day after too many such times I decided I had had enough and ceased to contact her.

I was a bit nervous in the beginning but pretty soon I started to feel a massive sense of relief that I didn't have to listen to her talking about herself over and over and just interject to ask me how I was by the way.

I haven't looked back and actually I have culled a few more relationships since which I have found very liberating.

Life is genuinely too short to put up with people who drain your energy and suck the life out of you.

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StripeyCover · 02/01/2017 18:23

Thanks everyone.

Given me alot to think about, and its been a good sounding board.

I think I'm alot clearer.

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StripeyCover · 02/01/2017 18:38

p.s. EmeraldIsle. I also feel that she doesn't really care about me, which is always a disconcerting feeling. Its just contacting me because she's bored, because she wants to do something, because her life is great and she needs to share (because that makes it "real" I guess). If it was all mutual then that would be great, but its not! I also sometimes get this weird feeling she is competing with me, or needs to know what I'm doing in case I am having a better time that her! Strange. But I feel happier now I am clearer about the way to go.