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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Grown up Dd rude to me in my own home and unsupportive dh.

56 replies

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2017 14:36

Dd moved out this yr and as it is four hr journey asked if she could stay over xmas.we have no spare rooms as dh has one so do I and D's.I started a new job on shift s so did D's so I pointed out it could be tricky and doing 15 hr days I would it see her.Dh arranged to go to hers over the hold with presents as he had two and a half weeks leave.
In the meantime my new job didn't work out (1st time in twenty hrs) and I found a new one.I then got stu k down by the flu and spent 8 days in PJs and lost half a stone.again 1 st to e in decades.
Dh brought CD back with him for a few days so she can visit my DM and df who is terminally I'll.
Now it transpires she is staying two weeks.even this would be OK if she wasn't so rude.critical and using dh against me.
I will admit I'm still struggling with exhaustion and all the upset of the last two weeks however I think d d should show some respect while she is staying and at least not be winding me up.
I feel so lonely as d d and dh side with each other.I am quite shocked how rude she is and he does nt step in.Iam trying to see it from her point of view but I'm struggling tbh.
I did point out d d would have to help out before she arrived.help.

OP posts:

Report

TimeToChangeFor2017 · 02/01/2017 14:39

Where did she sleep before she left home? Did she move out and work, or go to university?

Has your husband always sided with your daughter?

SheldonCRules · 02/01/2017 14:41

TBH, it sounds like you had all sorts of excuses as to why your own child couldn't stay so I'm not surprised you DH stands up for her.

Thattimeofyearagain · 02/01/2017 14:44

You didn't allow your own daughter house room ?

Quartz2208 · 02/01/2017 14:46

You said that there was no room for her over Christmas and she should spend it on her own? Not surprised she is being rude she is hurt and upset and thinks you don't care for her

How does she wind you up?

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 14:47

I'm completely confused here.

Where did she sleep before she moved out? Why couldn't you and Dh share a room for two weeks and why would you expect your own daughter to be on her own for Christmas?

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 14:50

And who is CD?

Atenco · 02/01/2017 14:54

I am all for adult children being independent and having no particular claim on their parents, but you wouldn't even allow your dd to come home for Christmas, even though she only moved out recently? That is quite extreme.

NoelHeadbands · 02/01/2017 14:55

But but...she's your daughter... you actually said no she couldn't stay?

SmilingButClueless · 02/01/2017 14:57

What is she doing to wind you up?

Is it possible you are misinterpreting what she means?

pklme · 02/01/2017 14:58

So, you were working long shifts over Christmas. DH wasn't so he went to see her. He brought her back for a quick visit to see her terminally ill grandparents, but she is actually staying longer. While she stays, she doesn't help out and has been rude to you.

Does that sound about right?

I'm a bit surprised that a family visit over Christmas wasn't planned, but then I don't know what your job is, or whether you celebrate Christmas much as a family. How old is DD? Does she usually work or is she studying?

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2017 15:09

CD did have her own room which dh moved into as previously he slept downstairs and I did prior to that for twelve years.CD wasn't alone over Xmas as her bf s family all invited her for meals and parties pretty much going places everyday while she looks for work.
I guess its different as I grew up in a large family so there wasn't room for me when I left home.
Work hrs have been eight am until gone midnight for me and dh up at four thirty home seven.then D's working until one am. Tablet keeps putting CD not d d

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 02/01/2017 15:12

Why did you tell her no? Be honest because I don't buy the no bedroom space.

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2017 15:13

Xmas us the busiest time in our trade however I guess your kind replies suggest I am in the wrong here. Thank you for you're honesty :)

OP posts:

pklme · 02/01/2017 15:15

So the three of you weren't really home over Christmas? Didn't spend much time together that she missed out on.
Is she trashing the house while you are at work, cooking and not clearing up etc?

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 15:17

Very strange, you make space for your own child surely. There wasn't room for you so you don't want to provide room for her? I can see why your hubby takes her side. You could have made room. Easily.

Why did you really not want to see her?

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 15:18

But she's your daughter isn't she?

She's previously been at one every year before this and has just moved out. So why is it suddenly such an issue

IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 02/01/2017 15:18

Can you elaborate on the rudeness?

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2017 15:30

Just trying to start rows. I had a strict upbringing and would never be disrespectful to my Mum.yes dh has always sided with her I guess he is more laid back regarding chores.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 15:32

Op, you're not coming across as being very nice to your own daughter here, I'm sorry

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 15:33

It sounds more like she's defensive and sticking up for herself as opposed to being disrespectful

Lilaclily · 02/01/2017 15:37

You slept downstairs and apart from your husband for 12 years and now he sleeps downstairs ? Why? Why didn't you sleep in the same bed so your daughter could come home for Christmas?

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2017 15:47

He snores we work opposite shifts and he has a temper we haven't slept together for 14 yr s

OP posts:

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pklme · 02/01/2017 16:35

To be honest, I don't think any of us are in a similar situation, to really understand your point of view. You must be under quite a lot of pressure with those long hours. Maybe that is affecting how you see things. It would be more usual to have her to stay over Christmas. Do you think she is picking fights because she is upset about her DGPs illness, or because she doesn't feel very welcome?

sleepachu · 02/01/2017 16:44

You sort sleeping arrangements to accommodate his temper instead of your daughter?! Jesus.

Astro55 · 02/01/2017 16:49

14 years - and you're still married?

Seriously - leave!!

Life's too short to be this unhappy

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