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Grown up Dd rude to me in my own home and unsupportive dh.

(57 Posts)
whatisforteamum Mon 02-Jan-17 14:36:17

Dd moved out this yr and as it is four hr journey asked if she could stay over xmas.we have no spare rooms as dh has one so do I and D's.I started a new job on shift s so did D's so I pointed out it could be tricky and doing 15 hr days I would it see her.Dh arranged to go to hers over the hold with presents as he had two and a half weeks leave.
In the meantime my new job didn't work out (1st time in twenty hrs) and I found a new one.I then got stu k down by the flu and spent 8 days in PJs and lost half a stone.again 1 st to e in decades.
Dh brought CD back with him for a few days so she can visit my DM and df who is terminally I'll.
Now it transpires she is staying two weeks.even this would be OK if she wasn't so rude.critical and using dh against me.
I will admit I'm still struggling with exhaustion and all the upset of the last two weeks however I think d d should show some respect while she is staying and at least not be winding me up.
I feel so lonely as d d and dh side with each other.I am quite shocked how rude she is and he does nt step in.Iam trying to see it from her point of view but I'm struggling tbh.
I did point out d d would have to help out before she arrived.help.

TimeToChangeFor2017 Mon 02-Jan-17 14:39:21

Where did she sleep before she left home? Did she move out and work, or go to university?

Has your husband always sided with your daughter?

SheldonCRules Mon 02-Jan-17 14:41:01

TBH, it sounds like you had all sorts of excuses as to why your own child couldn't stay so I'm not surprised you DH stands up for her.

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 02-Jan-17 14:44:00

You didn't allow your own daughter house room ? confused

Quartz2208 Mon 02-Jan-17 14:46:16

You said that there was no room for her over Christmas and she should spend it on her own? Not surprised she is being rude she is hurt and upset and thinks you don't care for her

How does she wind you up?

Soubriquet Mon 02-Jan-17 14:47:54

I'm completely confused here.

Where did she sleep before she moved out? Why couldn't you and Dh share a room for two weeks and why would you expect your own daughter to be on her own for Christmas?

Soubriquet Mon 02-Jan-17 14:50:25

And who is CD?

Atenco Mon 02-Jan-17 14:54:05

I am all for adult children being independent and having no particular claim on their parents, but you wouldn't even allow your dd to come home for Christmas, even though she only moved out recently? That is quite extreme.

NoelHeadbands Mon 02-Jan-17 14:55:16

But but...she's your daughter... you actually said no she couldn't stay?

SmilingButClueless Mon 02-Jan-17 14:57:52

What is she doing to wind you up?

Is it possible you are misinterpreting what she means?

pklme Mon 02-Jan-17 14:58:40

So, you were working long shifts over Christmas. DH wasn't so he went to see her. He brought her back for a quick visit to see her terminally ill grandparents, but she is actually staying longer. While she stays, she doesn't help out and has been rude to you.

Does that sound about right?

I'm a bit surprised that a family visit over Christmas wasn't planned, but then I don't know what your job is, or whether you celebrate Christmas much as a family. How old is DD? Does she usually work or is she studying?

whatisforteamum Mon 02-Jan-17 15:09:43

CD did have her own room which dh moved into as previously he slept downstairs and I did prior to that for twelve years.CD wasn't alone over Xmas as her bf s family all invited her for meals and parties pretty much going places everyday while she looks for work.
I guess its different as I grew up in a large family so there wasn't room for me when I left home.
Work hrs have been eight am until gone midnight for me and dh up at four thirty home seven.then D's working until one am. Tablet keeps putting CD not d d

bloodyteenagers Mon 02-Jan-17 15:12:42

Why did you tell her no? Be honest because I don't buy the no bedroom space.

whatisforteamum Mon 02-Jan-17 15:13:57

Xmas us the busiest time in our trade however I guess your kind replies suggest I am in the wrong here. Thank you for you're honesty smile

pklme Mon 02-Jan-17 15:15:20

So the three of you weren't really home over Christmas? Didn't spend much time together that she missed out on.
Is she trashing the house while you are at work, cooking and not clearing up etc?

Bluntness100 Mon 02-Jan-17 15:17:29

Very strange, you make space for your own child surely. There wasn't room for you so you don't want to provide room for her? I can see why your hubby takes her side. You could have made room. Easily.

Why did you really not want to see her?

Soubriquet Mon 02-Jan-17 15:18:07

But she's your daughter isn't she?

She's previously been at one every year before this and has just moved out. So why is it suddenly such an issue

IfartInYourGeneralDirection Mon 02-Jan-17 15:18:15

Can you elaborate on the rudeness?

whatisforteamum Mon 02-Jan-17 15:30:02

Just trying to start rows. I had a strict upbringing and would never be disrespectful to my Mum.yes dh has always sided with her I guess he is more laid back regarding chores.

Bluntness100 Mon 02-Jan-17 15:32:29

Op, you're not coming across as being very nice to your own daughter here, I'm sorry

Soubriquet Mon 02-Jan-17 15:33:43

It sounds more like she's defensive and sticking up for herself as opposed to being disrespectful

Lilaclily Mon 02-Jan-17 15:37:54

You slept downstairs and apart from your husband for 12 years and now he sleeps downstairs ? Why? Why didn't you sleep in the same bed so your daughter could come home for Christmas?

whatisforteamum Mon 02-Jan-17 15:47:23

He snores we work opposite shifts and he has a temper we haven't slept together for 14 yr s

pklme Mon 02-Jan-17 16:35:15

To be honest, I don't think any of us are in a similar situation, to really understand your point of view. You must be under quite a lot of pressure with those long hours. Maybe that is affecting how you see things. It would be more usual to have her to stay over Christmas. Do you think she is picking fights because she is upset about her DGPs illness, or because she doesn't feel very welcome?

sleepachu Mon 02-Jan-17 16:44:15

You sort sleeping arrangements to accommodate his temper instead of your daughter?! Jesus.

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