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Abusive relationship

(18 Posts)
Michellelovesizzy Mon 02-Jan-17 11:44:16

I think that my partner abuses me, he calls me horrible names and has hit me. I am not sure what to do I feel so scared and alone. He has gone to stay at his dad's flat taken all the money with him so he knows I have nothing he does this quite a lot I think he does it to teach me a lesson!

He calls me a fat cunt, pretty much every day I have recently lost about 2 stone and every one thinks I just lost weight coz I wanted to but truth is I just wanted him to stop calling me fat.

I know I should just leave but I have been with him since I was 19 and he is all I know only relationship I have ever had

timelytess Mon 02-Jan-17 11:48:09

You'd feel much better without him. Where can you go? Getting away is important.

Michellelovesizzy Mon 02-Jan-17 11:59:42

The flat is in my name! I could just lock the door and never open it agin

Ilovecaindingle Mon 02-Jan-17 12:02:37

That's a bloody good idea!!
Block his number and don't open the door. Pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep. Ask a friend around to give you confidence to hold your position!!

Michellelovesizzy Mon 02-Jan-17 12:05:26

I wish I had a friend to ask round he has made sure I don't have any one!

M00nUnit Mon 02-Jan-17 12:05:28

Do exactly what Ilovecandingle just said. Good luck - I've got a feeling 2017 will be a much better year for you without this abusive thug in your life!

M00nUnit Mon 02-Jan-17 12:09:02

If he starts trying to bang the door down and cause trouble when you don't let him in then call the police. Tell them the truth - that he's been violent to you in the past and you're scared of him. Also have you been in touch with Woman's Aid yet? They should be able to help you.

Ilovecaindingle Mon 02-Jan-17 12:22:51

One of us mners will call around. I have a rottweiler who hates twat men.
It is frustrating being an online means of support only at times x

Michellelovesizzy Mon 02-Jan-17 12:28:13

Just talking is you guys is helping me more than you know X

M00nUnit Mon 02-Jan-17 13:29:19

Let us know how you get on!

Michellelovesizzy Tue 03-Jan-17 08:55:26

Well it the first morning I have woke up in my flat alone with my daughter, it's ok at least is peaceful and I can think now! Not just do as I am told

hellsbellsmelons Tue 03-Jan-17 09:08:36

Be glad he has gone and try to keep him gone!!!
Do not let him in.
If he tries to access YOUR property call 999.
It would be a really good idea to call 101, ask for the DV team and report him as abusive.
Let them know he could return and be threatening and they will put you on a priority call list so when you do call 999 they can get to you fast.

Then you absolutely must call 0808 2000 247
Womens Aid can help you with local support services to help you through this and to help you keep him away.
They can help you get a court order to keep him away from you and your DD.

Stay no contact. Do NOT respond to anything he sends.
Don't rise to any of the bait.
He will of course, try to reel you back in and I have a horrible feeling you will fall for it.

Womens Aid also run a course called the Freedom Programme.
When you speak to them, ensure you ask about this.
It will help you with any future relationships.
Your own self esteem.
Your boundaries.
And how to spot abusive men in future and keep away from them.

NONE of what he has done to you and told you is OK.
It is ALL very very abusive.
You need to keep him away from you and your DD.
Otherwise your DD is also being abused.
Watching her mother be treated like that and the name calling will have a massive impact on her.
Like it has you. She will continue the abuse cycle if YOU don't break it.
Only YOU can do that. Only you can stop her becoming a victim like you are right now.
You can teach her a very valuable lesson in what women should put up with.
Teach her now, that no-one deserves to be treated the way you have been.
That SHE does not have to do the same.

101, then Womens Aid then the Freedom Programme.
Think of this as the start of your brand new life, with your DD, away from abuse and with freedom and a fresh beginning.

SandyY2K Tue 03-Jan-17 09:18:47

You don't want a man like that around you or your little girl.
Your 2017 resolution should be to drop him and have him out of your life.

TimeIhadaNameChange Tue 03-Jan-17 10:28:16

You say he's taken all the money - do you have any to hand? Just thinking it would be a idea to change the lock so he can't get in.

Michellelovesizzy Tue 03-Jan-17 13:25:02

I have changed the locks, I am so grateful for some strange reason I thought it was me and my fault

hellsbellsmelons Tue 03-Jan-17 14:00:09

NONE of this is your fault.
He's an abuser, pure and simple.
The only amount of abuse anyone should put up with in any relationship is NONE!
None at all.
He's physically abused you.
Financially too by the sounds of it.
He's isolated you.
If your family are decent then get back in touch with them.
Or if you have any old friends you can reconnect with, then do it!

frieda909 Tue 03-Jan-17 14:05:17

It is NOT your fault. It's NOT. Keep repeating those words to yourself until you're sick of hearing them! I've been there and I felt the same as you, but now I'm out the other side I can see that there is absolutely NOTHING that could ever justify behaviour like that. No one ever deserves to be called awful names like that by anyway, but especially not by the person who is supposed to love and care for them!

Well done for changing the locks. You can do this. You are strong and you will be better off without him!

M00nUnit Tue 03-Jan-17 14:18:04

Well done Michellelovesizzy - this is great news, you're doing brilliantly!

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