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Pregnant but still legally married to my ex....

(36 Posts)
LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 11:43:21

Hi all

Wasn't sure of the best place to post this, but it seemed best to start here.

I'm pregnant (16 weeks) by my DP of 4.5 years. I am still legally married to my ex, who is the father of my DS (6), mainly because I haven't got round to/haven't been able to spare the money to get divorced.

It doesn't bother me as such, and I'll get divorced eventually. My DP isn't any more bothered than I am so there's never been a massive reason to get divorced.

However, will it cause me any problems? I know I can name my DP as the father on the birth certificate etc but are there any other things I should be considering?

pullingmyhairout1 Mon 02-Jan-17 11:45:47

Inheritance if you die. Have you got a will written? Life cover? NOK if you're separated. I'm not 100% sure about NOKIA on separation.

Are you 'legally separated'. Do you have any financial ties?

Manumission Mon 02-Jan-17 11:46:44

Not these days, I think.

Make sure you have an up to date will and life insurance as well as dad's name on the BC.

DailyFail1 Mon 02-Jan-17 11:48:09

It will only impact your partner in the event of your death not your kids, and even then only if you don't have a will.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 11:49:04

Thanks. I don't have a will because I have no assets. I have no financial ties to my ex and we have a self arranged joint custody arrangement of our DS.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 11:50:20

How will it affect my DP if I die? As long as he is named on the birth certificate what would be the other issue.

Heirhelp Mon 02-Jan-17 11:52:07

Even if you have no assessts you still need to make future provision for the care of your children. Do you have life insurance? Who do you want to look after them if they you die?

magoria Mon 02-Jan-17 11:52:47

I think you need to check to make sure your ex doesn't have parental responsibility due to being married to you even if not on the birth certificate.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 11:56:47

If I were to die then I would hope their respective fathers would look after them!

I have a death in service thing with work which I will ensure is sorted.

How would I go about finding out whether my ex would have parental responsibility? Why would he if he's not named on the birth certificate?

ElfOnMyShelf Mon 02-Jan-17 11:59:00

I have no idea on this but couldn't your ex pull rank at hospital in a "next of kin" kind of way? If you have a pension and you die it goes to your ex?

magoria Mon 02-Jan-17 12:03:10

I don't know if things have changed but it is because you are married. This is something you really need to double check.

I could be talking out of my arse as it is a vague memory about being a child of the marriage.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 12:03:32

My ex really wouldn't want anything to do with it, he's in a relationship with someone else too.

My pension will go to my DS.

Manumission Mon 02-Jan-17 12:04:45

I think you need to check to make sure your ex doesn't have parental responsibility due to being married to you even if not on the birth certificate.

He won't.

There used to be some archaic thing where the children of a married woman were automatically "children of the marriage", I believe. But that's not current and your DP will be named as the father on the BC anyway.

Maybe post in legal if you want confirmation and detail on that?

PolarEspresso Mon 02-Jan-17 12:05:56

If you die in childbirth your estranged husband will be the baby's legal father.

DixieNormas Mon 02-Jan-17 12:06:23

I have two dc with dp and im still married to someone else. Of course he doesn't have parental responsibility, he isn't there father.

Im not sure about your ex but mines not likely to want the dcs who arnt his if I ever die and I doubt he would be able to have them even if he did

Beebeeeight Mon 02-Jan-17 12:07:16

You need to get divorced before the birth!!!

Otherwise your ex will be the legal parent of your new DC.

Get to a lawyer ASAP.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 12:08:38

Thank you for your replies. I wil also check in legal.

Manumission Mon 02-Jan-17 12:08:54

Oh polar stop the alarmist nonsense.

In that extremely unlikely eventuality (god forbid) Op's DP would go to court to get a declaration of parentage (using witness statements and DNA and whatever).

SallyInSweden Mon 02-Jan-17 12:11:12

Which country are you in?

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 12:12:17


PolarEspresso Mon 02-Jan-17 12:12:18

The ex will only be the legal father if the mother dies before registering the birth.

Before an unmarried father is put on the birth certificate, legally making him the father, either the mother's parents will be next of kin if unmarried or her husband if married.

LeSquigh Mon 02-Jan-17 12:13:16

Manumission - when you say "witness statements" my mind is running riot grin

PolarEspresso Mon 02-Jan-17 12:15:39

Manumission - I haven't suggested the father couldn't get it legally sorted, especially if the husband is amenable, just that the issue of what would happen in that situation is the only problem arising from not being married to the baby's father.

DailyFail1 Mon 02-Jan-17 12:16:03

For the life insurance - many companies need a will otherwise will go straight to next of kin which in your case will be your ex.

Hermonie2016 Mon 02-Jan-17 12:30:48

Having seen a situation where someone died young completely unexpectedly and the fallout following I would advise everyone to sort out the legal situation.

The hoops people have to jump to prove status is awful as it comes at a time when people are grieving.

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