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Ex and family nicking Netflix whinge

(44 Posts)
Potentialmadcatlady Mon 02-Jan-17 10:50:57

Just having a moan because I havnt got anyone else to whinge too. I'm the poster whose ex tried to insist that I put a Christmas tree up in my house because 'I should'.
Potted version...been trying to get divorced for over 8+ years, high court 20+ times, two kids who went non contact with their Dad last summer for about months after his behaviour got increasingly difficult. Have lost everything- family home, every penny I had, career, on verge of bankruptcy because of his (proven) fraudent behaviour ( v slim chance I will avoid it by the skin of my teeth but my credit rating is now so damaged because of what he has done I can't even get a phone contract) ,he sends police to house because 'I am harming kids', lots of nasty horrible behaviour to us while he pretends to be the perfect gentleman to everyone else, doesn't/never has paid maintainence, built up loads (100k+) debt in 'our' name and is in trouble with tax man etc. He has even tried to take 'his portion of benefits' off us for the few times he has had the kids over to stay.
Anyway Finally got divorce in December after another very nasty day in court when he said a lot of untrue horrible things about me and judge basically told him he was a poor excuse for a father.

So the reason for my whinge is this...kids have slowly been building up seeing him again ( not back up to terms of contact order more just when they feel like it or he manages to talk them round) and ended up staying with him at his family home over new year. Now if it was me and I hadn't seen much of my kids I would have been bending over backwards to make the time special instead he kept them with the entire family the whole time and didn't spend any time alone with them, he made them go to church against their wishes ( they have both now chosen to be atheist) and spent the rest of the time on 'my' Netflix. MY NETFLIX, using my code to get it , the Netflix I pay for, the Netflix that is nothing to do with him. He basically got DD to give him the code and had been using it the whole time they were there. Thankfully she had the sense to log out as she was leaving ( we only pay for the one that allows a limited number of users to save money so she knew if I was on it at home them she wouldn't be able to go on it if he kept using the code) and then he got cross and tried to get her to give him the code again before she left so he could keep using it.
I know in the big picture it is only a tiny thing but boy has it totally pissed me off.....

BonnyScotland Mon 02-Jan-17 16:23:17

Change the Password....

Ilovecaindingle Mon 02-Jan-17 16:26:38

He is a true piss taker if ever there was one. . .

OSETmum Mon 02-Jan-17 17:26:13

Yeah I'd be pretty pissed off...

lalalonglegs Mon 02-Jan-17 18:33:01

Congratulations on your divorce wine!

FatalKittehCharms Mon 02-Jan-17 20:06:07

What a thoughtful DD you raised, glad she logged out!

Definitely tell DD you are not happy for ex to get access to your Netflix.

PaulDacresConscience Mon 02-Jan-17 20:14:01

I remember your last thread. Your Ex is a complete cunt.

Change your Netflix password and don't give it to your DD. Tell her nicely that you have changed it and that you aren't going to tell her what it is, because that way he cannot bully her if she doesn't know it.

PoliticsNPhilosophyG33k Mon 02-Jan-17 20:14:56

Yeah I would find this annoying, I use my brother in laws on my laptop and iPad with his permission (he has the bigger pack because they've 5 kids) but only late at night when its not going to affect his or the kids watching it and during the day and after school hours when I'm babysitting his and my sisters kids, in return I let their 6 year old use my Amazon Prime so she can download shows to her tablet.

Potentialmadcatlady Mon 02-Jan-17 21:56:32

Thankyou for understanding! And for the congratulations...changing the password and not giving it to her is a totally brilliant idea which I will do. That will stop his trying mind games on DD to get code...and yes she is the loveliest creature ( even if I do say so) who's very thoughtful ( I'm actually trying to toughen her up a bit because I dont want her to end up a total mess because of being a people pleaser like me)
Just to finish moaning -to people that understand- she had bought him some pjs with matching slippers..( well I had sucked it up for kids sake and taken her to buy him a Christmas present... The Things we do for our kids).. He handed them straight back to her without even trying them and said these aren't the right size get them changed. I'm tempted to quietly return them and not bother. His girlfriend also told DD that she needed to get a new phone..DD told her she couldn't because she is too young to have a contract phone and hasn't saved enough to get a new phone outright yet. Girlfriend then said well tell your mother to get you a contract. DD knows I can't because ex has destroyed my credit rating so we can't get contract phones ( already tried ) and that we are saving for a new one but she didn't say anything because she didn't want yo cause a scene.
Then tonight he 'appeared' at the door to return something DS had left behind. I never appear at his house and he's not supposed to come past bottom of driveway..aaaggghhhh make him go away and leave us alone please. The things he has said are truly horrible and very untrue I honestly don't know how I havnt done something illegal before now.

FatalKittehCharms Tue 03-Jan-17 08:19:44

Yeah, I would just quietly return the gift in a few days if DD doesn't mention it. Or if she does, tell her he can do an exchange himself, or just give her the receipt to give to him.

I assume he is breaching a court order by coming to your door and verbally abusing you? Can you complain in writing?

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 10:37:11

Not breaching court order as such but after a lot of nonsence behaviour ( appearing at my door banging it, sitting outside house in car etc when kids were refusing to see him at all, ringing their phones constantly) he was warned by both police ( the ones he sent out to me ended up - after listening to me and talking to kids- going back to him and warning him anymore and I would be getting a non mol to protect all three of us) and my solicitor in writing that he was no longer allowed to enter my driveway or we would get an automatic non mol against him ( he just laughs and tells everyone I'm insane) ..
I'm going to put the present into boot of car out of sight then quietly return it for refund after kids back at school...p.s it isn't the wrong size because I know what size his feet etc are,he just being a pig

Tenshidarkangel Tue 03-Jan-17 11:58:41

I think if you log on via the PC, in the settings buttons - there should be a way to control which devices are linked to your account. If you can work out which is which (ie PS$, XBOX, SamsungTV ect) you can remove it.
(Pretty sure you can do that anyway!)

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 12:13:55

Thanks Tens.. Will have a look...Stupid man wish he would just leave us in peace

When you return the present, I'd spend the money on a treat for you and your children - rent a movie and buy takeaway, maybe - you deserve the treat, and he certainly doesn't!

flippinada Tue 03-Jan-17 13:19:37

I remember your previous threads about your XH, he's an utter waste of space and I feel your pain! I can completely understand why this would get you down. It's the sheer bare faced cheek of it.

Agree you should change your password and not give it to your DD.

Definitely return the present and do something nice with the refund for you and your DC.

As an aside, I'm amazed that men like this seem to get girlfriends, how on earth do they manage it?

PurpleCrazyHorse Tue 03-Jan-17 14:24:34

If you threatened to get a non mol if he turned up at your door, then do it. Sorry no idea how hard that is, but I think he's testing to see how high he can make you jump. He seems like he's pushing to see how far you'll go; returning stuff, non mol.

I'd either give him the receipt or if you have the goods, return and get something for you/kids.

flippinada Tue 03-Jan-17 14:47:33

That's a good point actually. I'd report him to the police, tell them he's come to your door. He's probably counting on the fact you're too nice/reasonable to do it. Don't be! He's not affording you the same consideration.

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 17:51:49

I will return 'present' and buy kids a pizza with the money- excellent idea...
I would phone the police but the kids would get very upset and because of how much he manipulates things it would all be turned back on me plus funding is now finished so I would have to pay and I can't afford it but yes you are all right I need to follow through don't I.
I'm really hoping that things will settle back down when kids back to school/routine etc.
We will be getting new phones once we have saved enough and I will be using the idea given on here on not giving him the new number and keeping the old one just for him in order to give both me and kids a bit more control.
I have also applied for enforced ( or whatever that is called ) maintainance and he has been reported yet again to tax office.
I have no idea how/why his girlfriend sticks around..he lied about her in court and she has a child similar age to ours and knows he doesn't support them. But then God knows what rubbish she has been told..

flippinada Tue 03-Jan-17 18:57:14

Ugh, what a piece of work he sounds angry. I understand you may not want to pursue this but something to consider with the police, they may not take your complaints seriously (rightly or wrongly) if you contact them in the future and he says "well, she lets me come to the door ". Don't think for a second he wouldn't seize the opportunity to shit stir.

Plus people like this - give them an inch and they'll take a mile - and the rest! I'm sure you already know this.

Far easier said than done I know when you're in the thick of it all.

WRT the girlfriend.. people see what they want to see, don't they.

Enjoy that pizza, all of you flowers

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 20:31:33

You are right flippinada...and yes he is one of those entitled people who if you give an inch he takes ten thousand miles..I need to step up don't I..I know I do but yes it's hard and has been going on so long now that I'm tired of it all...
'Present' is now in the boot of my car with receipt all ready to take back when kids aren't around to see me do it..out of sight and all that..pizza anyone?

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 20:34:20

Purple..you are right too..I have the feeling that he thinks I 'will settle down' now divorce is finalised..he is very old fashioned..men are to be obeyed and all that shit

flippinada Tue 03-Jan-17 21:12:55

Don't be hard on yourself, like I say it's easy enough to say, so much harder to do IRL - even when you know it's the right thing. People like your ex are experts at pushing boundaries and making life difficult and unpleasant aren't they.

Sending some supportive vibes your way flowers.

Potentialmadcatlady Tue 03-Jan-17 22:39:56

Thankyou flippinada....tonight all has been peaceful thankfully..

flippinada Wed 04-Jan-17 08:19:45

Hope you had a lovely peaceful night Potentialsmile

Kr1stina Wed 04-Jan-17 08:24:20

Just to warn you, if you let the kids go to his house with their new phones he will get the number from them

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