Dh is worried about his parents. They are both beyond retirement age, but are forced to continue working due to years of bad money management. Mil is in her early 70s and has to work nights in a care home; Fil recently had to leave a job due to poor health and is desperately searching for another. They live in a rural area so are dependent on their car(s?) to get around, and have previously mortgaged their little cottage to the hilt so still have high monthly bills. Dh and I both fret about their long-term prospects quite a lot and although we live 4+ hours away from them would be willing to offer space in our home if they get desperate enough.
But they are very proud about money and won't hear of letting us help them at all. For Christmas we sent a hamper of special foods with a Tesco voucher for £50 so they could top up their freezer or have some nice wine at Christmas or whatever. They were pleased but also gently told us off for it. We have our own family to look after, etc etc. We aren't rich by any means, but are doing fine.
A few days after they received their parcel, we got their card in the post with a cheque for £100. Knowing their financial situation, dh is adamant about not cashing it. That's fine by me; I don't want to put any undue pressure on them.
But I feel dh out his foot in it a bit when he spoke to them on the phone and said thanks, but I'll be ripping it up be because I know you are out of work/struggling. Considering the fact they never see us (and see the other grandchildren regularly due to them being much closer) and their pride regarding money in general, I told dh that he shouldn't have said that! Perhaps a bit of subterfuge and deflecting would have been better, like "holidays etc, couldn't get it banked yet/misplaced it, you know I'm so flighty/I thought Serial had done it by now I'll have a word/etc"
What would you do in this situation? They want to have a part in our lives, and we are grateful they are willing to make such a massive financial sacrifice en leu of face to face time, but (a) we don't actually need the money and (b) we fear it would literally be taking food out of their mouths.
Thoughts?
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WWYD- Pils and money
13 replies
SerialReJoiner · 02/01/2017 09:12
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