Not a question as such, just a situation for people to comment on (and maybe a bit of encouragement!).
I am a father of a four-year-old girl who lives with me, and my ex is the mother of a five-year-old boy who lives with her (the children are both from our previous partners). My ex and I started dating early last year but have very different parenting techniques. She controls every aspect of her son's life, with timetabled activities, a controlled diet, and sleeping in the same bed, but with no discipline. I don't plan things and my daughter and I just go with the flow, but I do have discipline.
This started to become a problem as my ex started to insist that her method was the only correct way to parent, but this was contradicted by what she saw as my daughter out-performing her son. My daughter is bilingual, does well in school, can swim, cycles, etc, and soon my ex had transferred her son to a bilingual school, sent him to swimming lessons and bought him a bike. Whereas I had taken everyone on holiday and arranged for my ex and her son to visit and stay at my house on several occasions, my ex started to exclude my daughter by banning her from her house and not even inviting us to her son's birthday party.
My ex then told me she was pregnant. She did not allow me to go to the first scan, then arranged for her son to go to the second, which the doctors would not allow, so I went instead. Then I found out that she had arranged for someone else to be at the birth, and she refused to discuss the baby's name with me. The relationship ended basically because I would not conform to her ideas of controlling mine and my daughter's life like she did with her son.
I managed to spend quite a bit of time with the baby after he was born as they kept him in hospital for six days. During my daughter's visits, my ex promised her lots of involvement such as taking the baby to her school, visiting us and staying over at our house. But after leaving the hospital, she banned my daughter from ever seeing her son again, then stopped both me and my daughter from seeing the baby a week or so later. This was followed by a message saying that she had chosen a name and had registered the baby, and that all future communication should go via her solicitor. It later transpired that her son had chosen the baby's name before he was born and she and her family had kept it a secret from us.
My daughter had a pretty rough upbringing until she came to live with me at the age of two. She still has a lot of insecurities and the sad thing is that my ex knows how to trigger these through broken promises and exclusion. My daughter was recently referred to a child hospital for psychological treatment because of the situation. I am sure my ex's son is also confused and upset as he got on with us very well.
Her solicitor now basically relays my ex's instructions to arrange contact and then cancel it shortly before it happens, so we've not see the baby for quite a while. My ex won't go to mediation and wouldn't even accept mine and my family's Christmas presents for the baby.
I went to court over my daughter, although there were more serious problems there hence the change of residency, and so am familiar with the processes. I can get parental responsibility, my name on the Birth Certificate, and set up contact all via the courts, although it will take a bit of time. Its just sad that it has to be this way, and that my daughter has to suffer in the meantime, all because my ex wants to control everything. I suppose the irony is that a contact order will take her control away for the time my son is with me, and maybe that is something she will struggle with for years to come?
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Relationships
A story of two parents, three children and an impending court case.
14 replies
user1483311479 · 02/01/2017 00:41
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