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Please could I have some advice about non molestation orders and child contact?

(14 Posts)
FeelTheNoise Sun 01-Jan-17 23:52:00

We are in emergency accommodation miles from home due to my abusive XP. I have cut contact between him and our baby. He's a chronic alcoholic with a long history of domestic violence.
He wants contact, but can't be unsupervised, and I'm not prepared to supervise any more, I supervised until we moved.
I'm still being harassed and threatened, with threats to my older child, a young adult. Police are aware, but aren't taking action. He's getting family members to threaten us.
He doesn't know where we are, and he doesn't know we're staying permanently away. He thought I'd had a breakdown and wasn't leaving the house, but he does now know we aren't there.
If I apply for non molestation orders, do I go to court near my new home, my old home or can I go somewhere else?
He will contest an order, and make counter allegations.
Would the contact issues be addressed at the same time? I know it's frowned upon, but he's so abusive, I can't risk my baby being compromised, no matter how difficult that makes me look.
I've got ptsd, and the threats are impacting on us. I need to change my phone number and email address, but he's started harassing vulnerable family members in my home town and I'm really worried about this

phizzwizard Mon 02-Jan-17 00:05:00

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I would have thought you could go to a court near where you are living now - when I was in a refuge I saw a solicitor locally who applied for an occupation order and injunction at the local court - we were miles from our home. Have the people being harassed reported it to the police? If you've received harassing texts or emails, have you shown these to the police? Are you getting any support from Women's Aid or similar?

Perhaps I was lucky but after we came home from the refuse, and he carried on his harassment, the police took his behaviour seriously - he went to court for breaching an injunction. And after that he kept texting and they arrested him for harassment and was found guilty of that too. The police shoulld be taking it seriously.

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 00:17:21

Thanks phizz
The harassment is subtle and involves turning up at their door, no harm done so far, but situation is gaining momentum and he's involving some really nasty people.
Police are aware, but they're not doing enough at all. I've reported harassment about 30 times in the last year! They always advised me to return to court, but that's really frightening when you're faced with the prospect of having to hand your tiny baby over to a violent and ruthless man. I'm scared he will be granted access by the court, and I just can't envisage my baby having contact with him and not being abused. I'm really scared for us all

phizzwizard Mon 02-Jan-17 00:25:29

It sounds like a really horrible situation for you. But harassment doesn't have to be anything really dramatic, as far as I understand... when I reported that he kept texting me, they asked why I hadn't reported it earlier. He also turned up at my door, though then ran off - a neighbour saw, and this was taken as harassment too.

Have you got a solicitor who could advise you? Is there a local domestic abuse charity / outreach worker you could speak to who could support you?

Is he wanting contact with your baby? I offered ex the chance to see the dc at a contact centre, but he didn't like that idea so didn't pursue it further .

phizzwizard Mon 02-Jan-17 00:27:42

And I don't think that contact would be dealt with at the same time as a non molestation order - that would be just about things like him not being allowed within a certain distance of your home / not contacting you.

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 00:35:16

The support I've had since moving is minimal, the police and DV service say that we're safe now we've moved, and while we're much safer we're still going through it.
I stopped all contact earlier in the year because of his drinking and because of the harassment, and he was offered supervised contact centre but rejected that. He then harassed my older child so badly I started supervising him again just until I could get us out of the area. The last time we saw him he was still drunk from the night before, his drinking is getting worse.
I'm in contact with a local solicitor, but there are so few legal aid solicitors here, it has been really difficult. I want to act quickly because of the recent threats

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 00:37:34

That's my fear, that he'll be awarded contact. I'd breach any court order that puts my baby at risk.
My worry is about giving our location away, because they will turn up and they will target my older child

phizzwizard Mon 02-Jan-17 00:50:23

Could the people he's harassing now report him? If everything he does has a consequence of police involvement then it may stop him.

I would have thought that the fact that he turned down supervised contact would go in your favour if he did apply to court for contact - if it was really important to him to see your baby, surely he would have taken that option. The reality is that that option took away his opportunity to have contact with you at the same time.

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 00:57:15

My family members are shrugging it off, but they're not fully aware of how bad it could get. They will call the police if they're confronted. Sorry, I'm being deliberately vague, I don't want any specific details, just in case.
He doesn't want to have to pay for the supervised contact, he really resents paying maintenance but does it to demonstrate that's he's a wonderful father. He calls me a gold digger, insisted I accept much less than Csa would take or he'd cut his work hours etc. The threats were about maintenance. It's all so bizarre and worrying

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 00:59:11

The amount he pays me every month in maintenance is a fraction of what he spends every week on alcohol, cocaine and takeaways!

VimFuego101 Mon 02-Jan-17 00:59:31

Have you spoken to woman's aid?

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 01:09:48

Yes, quite a few times. They really are wonderful. I think I'm going to have to talk to them again, but whichever service I speak to, nobody can tell me if contact issues can be dealt with during non mol proceedings. Would there be a fact finding hearing over a non mol contest?
Sorry if I'm jumbled, it's hard to articulate when I'm this stressed

FeelTheNoise Mon 02-Jan-17 01:12:57

Worst case scenario would be XP getting unsupervised contact and being awarded PR. It would be a matter of time before my baby was hurt, and would definitely be taken from me. XP is sinister, he's a ruthless sociopath and my baby mustn't ever have to experience his head games and violence

phizzwizard Mon 02-Jan-17 01:31:35

If I was you I would go for the non molestation order to protect yourself and older child, and I would wait to see if he applied to court for contact. He might not, especially if he'd have to pay to do so and he didn't want to pay for contact centre. You've offered supervised contact and he'd turned this option down. You don't have to do anything more to facilitate contact unless he chooses to apply for it if you fear it's dangerous.

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