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(15 Posts)
sammy90260 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:21:18

This is my first post on Mumsnet but could really do with some support. Me and my husband were married for 10years and had 3 beautiful kids together, one just a baby.Over the years we had our ups and downs but always stuck together and made it through. In the past two years I had noticed a change and felt all the responsibilitys of parenting completely fell on my shoulders. I would try talking to my DH about these issues but he would just get cross and it would lead to arguments. 2 months ago I discovered he was having an affair. Of course he denied everything before finally addmitting.Suddenly everything made since and I decided to go and stay with my mams for the week with the kids to sort my head out. After leaving my husband he died by suicide. He left no note nothing. I'm so confused, why did he do this to us and then just jump ship. My children are distraught. I don't know how we will ever get through this.

fusspot66 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:25:02

Dear Sammy, I'm so sorry to.hear of your loss. Please don't blame yourself xxxx

theansweris42 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:29:45

OP I am so sorry for you. You will get through. Talk to your loved ones.
Post here.
This will become bearable flowers

Forflipssake2 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:31:45

So sorry to read this sad it is not your fault. provide specialist counselling for suicide

Pheebs770 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:32:24

Oh m goodness my love I'm so sorry. Maybe he felt extreme shame but that is not your fault. Its not your fault at all

Poshsausage Sun 01-Jan-17 22:32:35

Oh lord you poor thing am so sorry

Stickytoffeepuddings Sun 01-Jan-17 22:36:41

Oh my I'm so sorry for you and your dc's. Please don't ever think you did anything to have caused this, you did nothing wrong, just take done day at a time and slowly things will get easier for you all

Stickytoffeepuddings Sun 01-Jan-17 22:37:13

Sorry should say one day at a time

user1483298878 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:43:29

This is an awful thing to have happened but it is in no way your fault whatsoever. When something like this happens, it's a totally natural reaction to try and blame ourselves, whatever the circumstances

Take it each day at a time and in time it will begin to not feel so raw. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time and space to grieve and process what you are going through

Have you got support in RL? is someone helping you deal with the practicalities etc?

I lost a partner to suicide in the past so can understand how you must be feeling.

best wishes xxx

sammy90260 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:43:42

My head is in a constant spin. He knew I would never have the courage to leave him unless it was something serious like the affair. He was so sad and crying before I left that I told him we might be able to work things out through counselling. I rang his sister to let her know.I cannot believe he did this. I feel angry but it's not easy to be angry with him when he is dead. Trying my best to keep it together for the kids

theansweris42 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:48:16

It's not your fault x

Wheredidthebackboobscomefrom Sun 01-Jan-17 22:49:49

It's not your fault honey flowersflowers

user1469551395 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:54:25

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine how horrendous this is for you and the children. Please remember it's not your fault.

MotherFuckingChainsaw Sun 01-Jan-17 22:58:32

It's NOT your fault

And it's OK to be angry. In fact it's just fine to be fucking furious.

sammy90260 Sun 01-Jan-17 23:07:20

Thankfully I have some great support from family and friends. I just cannot believe he had an affair and I cannot believe he then died by suicide soon after we left. Plenty of spouses can have affairs but I can only imagine a very minor amount would resort to these actions. I am completely unaware of any mental health issues in the past. In fact we used to joke that I needed to be more like him and not worry so much. It's just so hard to believe this has happened

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