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Dumped again..don't get it

(26 Posts)
lexi873 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:07:38

Hi all, hoping for some help, just feel so low today.
Basically, been with my partner about a year and half been on and off a couple of times mainly due to him saying he doesn't trust me (down to me having male friends on my phone) and that kind of thing.
I'm currently 37weeks pregnant and we were "off" until I got a text from him out of the blue yesterday to talk, which culminated in an hour long phone call basically a big heart to heart him telling me he'll never stop loving me and wants
To be a family forever and all the things I've wanted to hear so badly!! Woke up today feeling great, then I get a missed call from him around 2pm but I was taking my Xmas tree down so I called back about 20mins later and no answer, for him to then send me a great big long text how he actually just wants to be civil for the baby and not together, and wants to move on and get on with his life and I should do the same! And can we only talk to discuss the baby from now on, no "us".
It's mental how someone can change their feelings overnight I just feel completely stupid to have been taken in again (even tho it was for less than 24 hours lol) I just don't understand why he'd do that, I know nothing could have changed between then and now as it was about 1am we chatted till. Then today a.totally different story.
Is he actually mental? Lol or just trying to play with my head? Or just wants me to beg? I don't get it one bit. Sorry it's so long :-(

Chelazla Sun 01-Jan-17 19:10:15

He sounds like a head fuck I'm betting until he called you'd been ignoring him?

lexi873 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:24:28

Yep, we'd not spoken for a couple of weeks I'd deleted his number cos I didn't want to pathetically text. Lol

Goingtobeawesome Sun 01-Jan-17 19:27:30

Punishing you for not answering his call demands.

Yep. Attempted headfuck. You've dodged a bullet there.

Be on your own. I'd even suggest not putting him on the BC. Your baby doesn't need somebody this unstable and headfucky in hir life.

Yep. Attempted headfuck. You've dodged a bullet there.

Be on your own. I'd even suggest not putting him on the BC. Your baby doesn't need somebody this unstable and headfucky in hir life.

Yep. Attempted headfuck. You've dodged a bullet there.

Be on your own. I'd even suggest not putting him on the BC. Your baby doesn't need somebody this unstable and headfucky in hir life.

gaaaahhhhhhh! hate the new app!!!

BarbarianMum Sun 01-Jan-17 19:32:53

Oh I recognise this. He wants a relationship on his terms. So - you bring up his child and let him play dad when he wants to and maybe you could even be available for sex as and when he hasn't got a better offer But, at the same time, you can place no demands on him, he is a free agent and all round good guy. Finally - and this is important - you do not get to leave him, or ignore him, or meet someone else. You need to want him (but not too much) and wait around for him to find time for you. hmm

Sorry. flowers There are a lot of these twats around. Stop listening to what he says and look at how he acts then just stop engaging.

Mybeautifullife1 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:34:22


AnyFucker Sun 01-Jan-17 19:36:52

He got lucky last night, op

DorindaJ Sun 01-Jan-17 19:37:50

It's all about him isn't is? His wants, his life, he doesn't care about you much does he.

Sadly he'll continue to do this kind of on/off thing for years. No good for you, no good for your child.

Keep him at arm's length. Only discuss child related matters, take your interest away from this man, he's bad news.

Chelazla Sun 01-Jan-17 19:39:52

Lexi he wanted to make sure he still had you! Stupid nasty man. You're vulnerable but do your best to stay away, he isn't a nice person and Yiu deserve better x

Softkitty2 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:40:25

Take the 'power' out of his hands. Stop waiting for him to make a decision on whether he wants to be with you or not. Do it on your own and leave him to his stupid mind games.

Chelazla Sun 01-Jan-17 19:41:52

If you haven't yet replied, text him back just saying "glad you said that, I've been thinking the same since we spoke etc". I gaurentee he will come crawling back! Then tell him no!

Gl0ria Sun 01-Jan-17 19:44:43

Wow. Agree with the others.. don't plead with him to change his mind. What kind of arsehole dumps his pregnant gf 24 hours after there being no real problems.

lexi873 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:47:22

Thanks everyone, helped to cheer me up a little.
Just need to find the strength in these last few weeks then I know when I get to meet my little boy I'll be fine :-)

Gl0ria Sun 01-Jan-17 19:53:44

Everytime you begin to detach (like you had begun to do) he reels you back in so he can reject you again.
He'll have enjoyed that. It'll have fed his ego. So you can expect him to repeat this cycle ad infinitum.
I agree with pp who says think twice about putting his name on the bc.
He'd have too much power over you. He sounds the type to demand his rights but ignore his responsibilities

Hellofromtheotherside16 Sun 01-Jan-17 20:10:45

Yes he wanted to see if he could get you back.

Also It might have been the drink talking on NYE and in the cold light of day he doesn't feel the same.

LesisMiserable Sun 01-Jan-17 21:24:56

You deleted his number and you're having a baby together? And you've been together a year and a half and been on and off a couple of times in that time?

You both sound like you're headfucking each other to be honest. A bad match that should never ever have lasted as long as it did.

Take him at his word and talk about the baby only. I suspect he's going to be a dreadful father by the way as he sounds emotionally very immature (as do you but hopefully you'll grow up sharpish when the baby arrives - most women do because they have to) . Could be wrong though, he could turn out to be the best dad ever. But relationship wise - you two? Total no go. DO NOT got back there.

WynterBlossom Sun 01-Jan-17 21:57:28

OP doesn't sound immature, her ex is.
They had a difficult relationship, so what?? Most people do.

She's pregnant with his child, can you blame her for holding onto some hope they may get back together.

My ex told me the same, then upped and fucked off when I was 19 weeks pregnant, I haven't heard a word since.

Her ex is in the wrong not her.

LesisMiserable Sun 01-Jan-17 22:02:46

Does it matter who's in the wrong?

They've been together less than two years and split up more than once in that time. That is not an emotional mature pairing, they're not helping each other grow in any way.

And no, most people don't have difficult relationships. Most people on MN relationship boards do, hence ending up on here talking it through. There's a subtle but important difference.

TataEs Sun 01-Jan-17 22:07:38

"god i'm so glad you text, i avoided your call as i wasn't sure how to tell u that i was just a bit emotional yesterday but i absolutely do not want to get back together. thank goodness you feel the same way!"

guys on a power trip. take the wind out his sails. and mean it. u can do better than this train wreck.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 01-Jan-17 22:10:43

Just don't fall into the trap of giving him sex in the future. .
When he is being Mr nice and catching you vulnerable. . And then dropping you again. . Keep his contact on your terms only. .

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 01-Jan-17 22:56:56

Just to be sure, you're not giving the baby his surname, are you?

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