I feel so sad and lonely. I have no affection, no attention, no interest spent on me and certainly no love is shown. I cannot remember the last time we kissed or hugged.
He never wants to have a conversation or chit chat about everyday things. He never laughs or makes me laugh. He's never jokey or light hearted. He is constantly quiet, miserable and everyday of my life he tells me I have a bad attitude.
I am a very fun jokey person naturally and am hardly ever serious. He is moody, sulky, slammy and has Little interest.
if we have a difference in opinion (minor things) I'm told I'm being argumentative or that my attitude is bad. It's them not discussed. I'm not even sure how I'd ever get bad attitude - it's just not me.
If the kids moan or whinge in the morning moaning most he swears under his breath and instantly goes into a bad mood with me (not the kids) which he doesn't come out of. It is killing me inside.
Im not sure how we've ever ended up together let alone have children. I have no confidence or self esteem left however I am still a happy upbeat person.
Our relationship took the biggest nose dive after the birth of ds1 and then 6 months later I found I was pregnant with ds2 (don't ask how!).
It all became much worse.. He said he didn't want the unborn child and wanted a termination, he was adamant and so upfront and cold about it. I agonised over a decision for 4 weeks. I booked in for a termination at his request three times but knew I could never go through with it. When I was nearly 12 weeks, I told hi, I was keeping the baby. I told him we would separate and I'd live elsewhere with the children as I didn't want him to resent me for my decision. He wasn't having any of it so we stayed together but he still didn't want the baby.
I have to say my second pregnancy was the most loneliest time of my life. He literally didn't acknowledge the pregnancy at all. I felt so terrible walking around with my bump showing knowing he didn't want the child.
He idolises our ds2 now he is here but I still cannot get past his behaviour.
In the 8 years we've been together he has never once complimented me, told me he loves me, that I look nice, or I'm a nice person etc. He has never hugged or kissed me (will only do if asked).
Today is a new year and I know I finally have to be brave and do what is best for me.
We have a lovely home and a mortgage together, no other debts (he has savings, possibly £30k plus but our accounts are separate and he never talks about these savings).
I am absolutely terrified about where myself and the boys will live if we split. He has his own business which does very well. I have always worked full time since I was 16 but gave up work last year as our ds1 spent the first year of his life in and out of hospital and I fell pregnant with ds2 (surprise) when ds1 was 6 mo
What will happen to me and our home? I am so worried how the split will affect me financially. This is the only concern I have. I have only a few hundred pounds of savings but I used to be completely independent financially, I am not used to having to rely on someone.
I just don't know where to begin
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Where do I begin - advice please
1 reply
LoopiusMaximus · 01/01/2017 14:44
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