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Where do I begin - advice please

(2 Posts)
LoopiusMaximus Sun 01-Jan-17 14:44:27

I feel so sad and lonely. I have no affection, no attention, no interest spent on me and certainly no love is shown. I cannot remember the last time we kissed or hugged.

He never wants to have a conversation or chit chat about everyday things. He never laughs or makes me laugh. He's never jokey or light hearted. He is constantly quiet, miserable and everyday of my life he tells me I have a bad attitude.

I am a very fun jokey person naturally and am hardly ever serious. He is moody, sulky, slammy and has Little interest.

if we have a difference in opinion (minor things) I'm told I'm being argumentative or that my attitude is bad. It's them not discussed. I'm not even sure how I'd ever get bad attitude - it's just not me.

If the kids moan or whinge in the morning moaning most he swears under his breath and instantly goes into a bad mood with me (not the kids) which he doesn't come out of. It is killing me inside.

Im not sure how we've ever ended up together let alone have children. I have no confidence or self esteem left however I am still a happy upbeat person.

Our relationship took the biggest nose dive after the birth of ds1 and then 6 months later I found I was pregnant with ds2 (don't ask how!).

It all became much worse.. He said he didn't want the unborn child and wanted a termination, he was adamant and so upfront and cold about it. I agonised over a decision for 4 weeks. I booked in for a termination at his request three times but knew I could never go through with it. When I was nearly 12 weeks, I told hi, I was keeping the baby. I told him we would separate and I'd live elsewhere with the children as I didn't want him to resent me for my decision. He wasn't having any of it so we stayed together but he still didn't want the baby.

I have to say my second pregnancy was the most loneliest time of my life. He literally didn't acknowledge the pregnancy at all. I felt so terrible walking around with my bump showing knowing he didn't want the child.

He idolises our ds2 now he is here but I still cannot get past his behaviour.

In the 8 years we've been together he has never once complimented me, told me he loves me, that I look nice, or I'm a nice person etc. He has never hugged or kissed me (will only do if asked).

Today is a new year and I know I finally have to be brave and do what is best for me.

We have a lovely home and a mortgage together, no other debts (he has savings, possibly £30k plus but our accounts are separate and he never talks about these savings).

I am absolutely terrified about where myself and the boys will live if we split. He has his own business which does very well. I have always worked full time since I was 16 but gave up work last year as our ds1 spent the first year of his life in and out of hospital and I fell pregnant with ds2 (surprise) when ds1 was 6 mo

What will happen to me and our home? I am so worried how the split will affect me financially. This is the only concern I have. I have only a few hundred pounds of savings but I used to be completely independent financially, I am not used to having to rely on someone.

I just don't know where to begin

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 01-Jan-17 14:53:45

Be brave and take steps to break free from this relationship prison this man has you in. Your nice house is akin to a cage currently, its not a happy home at all.

I guess you are not married to this man?.

Basically what is his is his and what is yours is yours if that is the case. However, you should seek legal advice as a matter of course to also get this man out of your day to day lives. I suggest you find a good Solicitor to deal with because he may well not make any aspect of separation from him at all easy. He may well want to drag the whole process out for as long as possible as a further attempt to control you.

Your children cannot afford to grow up seeing his abusive treatment of you their mother and regarding that as normal behaviour from men. That is no legacy to leave them.

I would also be talking to Womens Aid in your circumstances because of the abuse he is meting out towards you. There is certainly emotional abuse here and potential for financial abuse as well. Men like this hate women, all of them.

You have the potential to live a full and happy life without him, your children and you will be fine without this person in your day to day lives.

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